I might be totally crazy any making my life even more difficult. I realized Monday that my life was quickly becoming stressful and spinning a little more out of control than I'd like it to be, and yet it's all because of things I'm doing to myself.
Class Monday went well, we had a good discussion about inquiry in the classroom which was quite refreshing. We did find out that the paper that is due next class averages at least 20 pages long. We've been working on pieces of it all semester long, but the pieces that we have so far are rough drafts and add up to about 8 pages. Let's just say that stressed me out. Since that point I've gotten the interviews done with students that I needed to and they've been typed up, but I still need to analyse them and see how they fit into my research and what the heck I can actually say about it all.
I also decided to start tutoring a student on the side that I worked with the end of last school year. It's only an hour or two a week, which isn't a big deal really, just makes for a few slightly longer days, and a little bit of prep ahead of time to make sure I have some geometry stuff to work on in case he doesn't have a lot of homework that day or needs to review specific topics. It's great experience and work in general, it just makes me feel kind of crazy to be taking that on in addition to already working 3 jobs (aka about 55 hours a week).
At the same time my body seems to be rebelling against me. My headache has been slightly worse this week than the past few, which isn't saying a whole lot but it hurts. Seeing stars occasionally is scary, especially when I'm trying to be productive. And being in significant, constant, pain is draining physically and emotionally and it's making the stress of other things that much harder to deal with. I'm trying not to think about the pain and more importantly I'm trying to ignore it, and eat and use caffeine and sleep and all the other little things I know help a little bit, but it just doesn't seem to be working which scares me for the next few days because if this gets much worse I'm going to be stuck in bed, making writing a nearly paper impossible.
Emotionally I'm on an edge. Sometimes I'm fine and other times I feel like I'm in a hole. The mom of the boy I tutor was so nice to me tonight and really lifted me up. She kept telling me how great I was and joked about how she was searching for me and how I couldn't find another job for at least another year. It helped for sure. It's just really hard because right now I want to be happy, and I know I should be. I've got 3 jobs, a place to live and a loving family. But when I look at my life that's not when I see. I see the 1 job I don't really like, the fact that I don't have time to do anything with my "friends" and that I don't have a social life at all. It's hard to be optimistic after 6 1/2 years of pain. Do I think things are on the verge of getting better? Possibly, but at the same time there are so many other things going on in my life that I can't control it just seems hard to believe.
On a positive note, another thing to cross off the 25 before 25 list. I lost those pesky 15 pounds. It was mainly due to the medication I'm on. The side effect of appetite suppressant has made it pretty easy. It hasn't been the healthiest way to lose the weight I'm sure, but it's kind of a nice accomplishment.
The next few days are packed full of events...really just things to get done. Tomorrow I'm "teaching" an inquiry lesson with a few grad school classmates in one of their classrooms between jobs, and then getting dinner with my brother after work. Yep it'll be at 7-8:30 kind of day. Friday I've got school as usual and then we are doing a Math Night at one of the local elementary schools so I get to play games with kids all night. Then Saturday and Sunday it's work and paper writing!!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Thanksgiving and Retail Madness
I can't believe it is almost December! This past week and weekend have been a bit of a whirlwind but everything went smoothly.
School and work at Mathnasium kept me busy the beginning half of the week. Working full days Monday-Wednesday will do that. I was lucky enough to hang out with friends Wednesday night for a while. It was great to just be with people for a bit. I didn't have to be at work the next day until the afternoon so I made it until almost midnight before passing out.
Thanksgiving was hard for me. Both this and last year I didn't go to my parents house since it is such a quick weekend (and impossible to get Black Friday off at Old Navy). Being around friends on Wednesday night reminded me of a lot of different things. It made me grateful but also very lonely. I tried to sleep in on Thursday but my body decided to try to get me up every hour from 5:30-8:30... eventually I just gave in and got up at 8:30. Still a decent amount of sleep which was helpful for sure. I made some gluten free stuffing based off of my Mom's recipe that she always uses so I had a little taste of home. Then I just tried to relax and not think too much. I talked to my parents briefly right before I went into work, they were at a friends house and I was driving so the emotions stayed out of the conversation. I spent Thanksgiving working 2-11pm. Let me tell you in some ways I think it was the best thing for me. In other ways it really sucked! I worked with some great people and I had nice customers, but it was a very long shift! People started lining up outside the door right after we closed around 8:30, and by 11 when I left the line was a little ridiculous! The whole plaza looked busy and I was glad to be leaving! What made it even better was to come home and hang out with an old friend for a few hours. It was the only time I'd be able to see him over the weekend but it was worth it. To sit, talk, share a drink, and catch up on life with a true friend- that's what Thanksgiving is!
Oh Black Friday madness!! After about 5 1/2 hours of sleep I went back to work. By the time I got there it wasn't too busy. We were steady all day which made the shift go quickly but for the most part all of the "crazy" shoppers were gone by 3am. I worked 9am-6pm and then came home and ate dinner and just sat down for a little while. As much as that is a normal work day it was quite tiring because I felt like I had been surrounded by people the whole time! I was again blessed with friends that night. A bunch of people got together to hang out and catch up. I was able to see a few people I hadn't seen in a while which was nice. I had to cut the night short (10:30-lame I know) because I had to get up for work the next morning.
5am shifts should not exist!! After about 4 hours of sleep I headed back to work to help with signage there. Because it is such a busy weekend they were changing the prices and signs for everything daily. So I worked 5-9. It was nice to be done by 9 but my body was not happy. My headaches had been better recently but as yesterday wore on it kept getting worse despite taking a nap and laying low most of the day. I was considering meeting up with friends again last night but there was no way my body would have let me do it and then work today, so I sadly took care of myself instead.
I got a full nights sleep and worked 7-11 this morning. Still an early morning but easier to do than 5 for sure. Today I'm just trying to lay low before getting back into a full work week. Plus having a week to write a big paper will make it a lot of fun. My head is still bothering me, which is annoying given the fact that the past week had been so much better. I'm hoping that another early night and a good meal will make it better. The medicine (despite the horrible side effects) seems to be making some sort of change, and I'm hoping that it continues.
I'm thankful for the people in my life, for the jobs that I have, and for the distractions of life! I hope you were all able to have a healthy, happy Thanksgiving.
School and work at Mathnasium kept me busy the beginning half of the week. Working full days Monday-Wednesday will do that. I was lucky enough to hang out with friends Wednesday night for a while. It was great to just be with people for a bit. I didn't have to be at work the next day until the afternoon so I made it until almost midnight before passing out.
Thanksgiving was hard for me. Both this and last year I didn't go to my parents house since it is such a quick weekend (and impossible to get Black Friday off at Old Navy). Being around friends on Wednesday night reminded me of a lot of different things. It made me grateful but also very lonely. I tried to sleep in on Thursday but my body decided to try to get me up every hour from 5:30-8:30... eventually I just gave in and got up at 8:30. Still a decent amount of sleep which was helpful for sure. I made some gluten free stuffing based off of my Mom's recipe that she always uses so I had a little taste of home. Then I just tried to relax and not think too much. I talked to my parents briefly right before I went into work, they were at a friends house and I was driving so the emotions stayed out of the conversation. I spent Thanksgiving working 2-11pm. Let me tell you in some ways I think it was the best thing for me. In other ways it really sucked! I worked with some great people and I had nice customers, but it was a very long shift! People started lining up outside the door right after we closed around 8:30, and by 11 when I left the line was a little ridiculous! The whole plaza looked busy and I was glad to be leaving! What made it even better was to come home and hang out with an old friend for a few hours. It was the only time I'd be able to see him over the weekend but it was worth it. To sit, talk, share a drink, and catch up on life with a true friend- that's what Thanksgiving is!
Oh Black Friday madness!! After about 5 1/2 hours of sleep I went back to work. By the time I got there it wasn't too busy. We were steady all day which made the shift go quickly but for the most part all of the "crazy" shoppers were gone by 3am. I worked 9am-6pm and then came home and ate dinner and just sat down for a little while. As much as that is a normal work day it was quite tiring because I felt like I had been surrounded by people the whole time! I was again blessed with friends that night. A bunch of people got together to hang out and catch up. I was able to see a few people I hadn't seen in a while which was nice. I had to cut the night short (10:30-lame I know) because I had to get up for work the next morning.
5am shifts should not exist!! After about 4 hours of sleep I headed back to work to help with signage there. Because it is such a busy weekend they were changing the prices and signs for everything daily. So I worked 5-9. It was nice to be done by 9 but my body was not happy. My headaches had been better recently but as yesterday wore on it kept getting worse despite taking a nap and laying low most of the day. I was considering meeting up with friends again last night but there was no way my body would have let me do it and then work today, so I sadly took care of myself instead.
I got a full nights sleep and worked 7-11 this morning. Still an early morning but easier to do than 5 for sure. Today I'm just trying to lay low before getting back into a full work week. Plus having a week to write a big paper will make it a lot of fun. My head is still bothering me, which is annoying given the fact that the past week had been so much better. I'm hoping that another early night and a good meal will make it better. The medicine (despite the horrible side effects) seems to be making some sort of change, and I'm hoping that it continues.
I'm thankful for the people in my life, for the jobs that I have, and for the distractions of life! I hope you were all able to have a healthy, happy Thanksgiving.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Boston!!
Well one of the things on my 25 before 25 list was to take a vacation just for fun. And while my trip to Boston wasn't a long trip and wasn't truly a planned vacation it was exactly the kind of thing I needed at the right time. So for now it is counting, in less I run into money in the next 9 months and can take another trip.
I found out about the trip Monday the 14th. A bunch of friends were planning on going that weekend (18-20). Did I want to go, sure... but I was scheduled to work two closing shifts at Old Navy and at Mathnasium on Saturday morning so the likelihood that I was going to be able to go seemed pretty slim. I started realizing that I couldn't remember the last time I had a full weekend off (I think it was in August) and the last time I truly did something for myself for fun seemed kind of distant too. While it seemed illogical and irrational in my head I decided that it was something I needed to try to do, so I begged and pleaded with everyone I knew from Old Navy to take my shifts. It was the weekend to go out of town though because everyone I asked was already either working, requested off, or couldn't do it. I lucked out (and sold my soul to my manager) because my managers were willing to give my shifts to one of the new girls who was hired seasonally and had just started. They never do stuff like this but after I got the "Don't let this happen again" talk, they told me to have fun! I found out Wednesday I could go and was super excited the rest of the week!
The trip itself was a lot of fun. Not quite what I expected, but I'm not sure what I expected. I reconnected with a good friend from high school and we stuck together like glue for most of the weekend which was great. Friday night we left Rochester and got into Boston a little before 1am. We drank for a bit and hung out before crashing!
Saturday most of the girls got up and got breakfast with a friend who lives in town there and we saw her new house. I was hoping to meet up with a few other friends who live in Boston but planning just didn't work out which was a bummer. Saturday afternoon we went to the Science Museum. I turn into a small child in hands-on museums and this was no exception!! There was a whole room about math, with a timeline of mathematicians and awesome explanations of basic math principals we all use and regularly take for granted. We also saw the lightning storm presentation which was super cool!! After the museum we grabbed dinner and relaxed for a bit before having a fun night!
Sunday we were up and going relatively early. We drove into the city (an interesting experience to say the least). We went to Quincy Market and Faneuil Hall for lunch and then to window shop for a little while before driving home. I got home around 9pm and was ready for bed immediately!
It was a great weekend. Not what I expected, although by now I should know that with my friends I shouldn't have expectations at all. I had fun, I got out of town, I didn't do any work for 2 days, and most importantly I did something I wanted to do, for me!!
I found out about the trip Monday the 14th. A bunch of friends were planning on going that weekend (18-20). Did I want to go, sure... but I was scheduled to work two closing shifts at Old Navy and at Mathnasium on Saturday morning so the likelihood that I was going to be able to go seemed pretty slim. I started realizing that I couldn't remember the last time I had a full weekend off (I think it was in August) and the last time I truly did something for myself for fun seemed kind of distant too. While it seemed illogical and irrational in my head I decided that it was something I needed to try to do, so I begged and pleaded with everyone I knew from Old Navy to take my shifts. It was the weekend to go out of town though because everyone I asked was already either working, requested off, or couldn't do it. I lucked out (and sold my soul to my manager) because my managers were willing to give my shifts to one of the new girls who was hired seasonally and had just started. They never do stuff like this but after I got the "Don't let this happen again" talk, they told me to have fun! I found out Wednesday I could go and was super excited the rest of the week!
The trip itself was a lot of fun. Not quite what I expected, but I'm not sure what I expected. I reconnected with a good friend from high school and we stuck together like glue for most of the weekend which was great. Friday night we left Rochester and got into Boston a little before 1am. We drank for a bit and hung out before crashing!
Saturday most of the girls got up and got breakfast with a friend who lives in town there and we saw her new house. I was hoping to meet up with a few other friends who live in Boston but planning just didn't work out which was a bummer. Saturday afternoon we went to the Science Museum. I turn into a small child in hands-on museums and this was no exception!! There was a whole room about math, with a timeline of mathematicians and awesome explanations of basic math principals we all use and regularly take for granted. We also saw the lightning storm presentation which was super cool!! After the museum we grabbed dinner and relaxed for a bit before having a fun night!
Sunday we were up and going relatively early. We drove into the city (an interesting experience to say the least). We went to Quincy Market and Faneuil Hall for lunch and then to window shop for a little while before driving home. I got home around 9pm and was ready for bed immediately!
It was a great weekend. Not what I expected, although by now I should know that with my friends I shouldn't have expectations at all. I had fun, I got out of town, I didn't do any work for 2 days, and most importantly I did something I wanted to do, for me!!
Friday, November 11, 2011
Long Week and a Night at the Club
As the holiday season picks up at Old Navy I'm getting schedule more there on the weekends, which means that I'm going longer without days off. I worked 12 days straight, at least 4 hours a day, most days were 9 hours each. Really they are just long days and by the end of the night I'm ready to crash. This week was full of fun things beyond work, which is always a plus, but also make for longer days.
Monday I woke up with random pain in my back. It seemed to be where my kidneys are. Plus I've been super thirsty. I was concerned but within a day my neurologists office called my back and told me to stay hydrated and that I should be fine. The pain has pretty much gone away, just a scary thing and not a fun way to start my week.
Tuesday my bosses at Mathnasium took all of us out to dinner. We had a nice dinner at a great Italian place! It was relatively painless. I enjoyed my coworkers company and it was a good meal so I can't complain. Not getting home until 9:30 was kind of difficult but I just crawled into bed shortly after that and things worked out fine.
Wednesday was a jam packed day! I had 5 hours of work at school, then lunch with a good friend who lives out of town and that I haven't seen in way too long, then straight into 5 hours of work, and finally over to a Pampered Chef party that my friend was throwing where I reconnected with a friend who I hadn't seen since high school. It was a fun day. Seeing everyone was a plus. The party was a lot of fun! Buying kitchen stuff is dangerous because there are so many things that look awesome! Seeing girl friends who I hadn't seen in a while was also a plus. This work schedule keeps me pretty busy so as much as I try to make time to see friends, balancing it with the pain and the time needed to work and everything else can be tricky.
Thursday was another long day but it ended with an awesome night!! School and work both went fine. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Since I have today off I told a few friends that I would go out with them at night. This turned into tackling one of the things on my 25 before 25 list. Before last night I had never been to a club before. Let me tell you, it was a little scary at first, but I was with people I trusted and knew I'd be okay.
So after work I went over and had dinner with some friends and then we went to Tilt, which is actually a gay bar/nightclub in town. It was a very interesting experience. I wasn't sure what to expect, I knew there would be a drag show, music, and lots of dancing! All of that was true. I ended up having a lot of fun. My headache cooperated with my long enough to get me through most of the night without wanting to explode too much. I enjoyed dancing with my friends and the drag show was definitely interesting to say the least. Overall it was a blast, something I will do again (when I don't have work the next day). Thank you to all of my friends who went out with me and made sure I was okay!
Today I am just trying to lay low and relax. I'm catching up on sleep, watching tv shows, reading books, and just finding ways to relax in what ever way possible. I got my work schedule for next week and I know that I'll at least be working for the next 8 days straight, possibly more. As much as I love holiday season, sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself!
Monday I woke up with random pain in my back. It seemed to be where my kidneys are. Plus I've been super thirsty. I was concerned but within a day my neurologists office called my back and told me to stay hydrated and that I should be fine. The pain has pretty much gone away, just a scary thing and not a fun way to start my week.
Tuesday my bosses at Mathnasium took all of us out to dinner. We had a nice dinner at a great Italian place! It was relatively painless. I enjoyed my coworkers company and it was a good meal so I can't complain. Not getting home until 9:30 was kind of difficult but I just crawled into bed shortly after that and things worked out fine.
Wednesday was a jam packed day! I had 5 hours of work at school, then lunch with a good friend who lives out of town and that I haven't seen in way too long, then straight into 5 hours of work, and finally over to a Pampered Chef party that my friend was throwing where I reconnected with a friend who I hadn't seen since high school. It was a fun day. Seeing everyone was a plus. The party was a lot of fun! Buying kitchen stuff is dangerous because there are so many things that look awesome! Seeing girl friends who I hadn't seen in a while was also a plus. This work schedule keeps me pretty busy so as much as I try to make time to see friends, balancing it with the pain and the time needed to work and everything else can be tricky.
Thursday was another long day but it ended with an awesome night!! School and work both went fine. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Since I have today off I told a few friends that I would go out with them at night. This turned into tackling one of the things on my 25 before 25 list. Before last night I had never been to a club before. Let me tell you, it was a little scary at first, but I was with people I trusted and knew I'd be okay.
So after work I went over and had dinner with some friends and then we went to Tilt, which is actually a gay bar/nightclub in town. It was a very interesting experience. I wasn't sure what to expect, I knew there would be a drag show, music, and lots of dancing! All of that was true. I ended up having a lot of fun. My headache cooperated with my long enough to get me through most of the night without wanting to explode too much. I enjoyed dancing with my friends and the drag show was definitely interesting to say the least. Overall it was a blast, something I will do again (when I don't have work the next day). Thank you to all of my friends who went out with me and made sure I was okay!
Today I am just trying to lay low and relax. I'm catching up on sleep, watching tv shows, reading books, and just finding ways to relax in what ever way possible. I got my work schedule for next week and I know that I'll at least be working for the next 8 days straight, possibly more. As much as I love holiday season, sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
An insightful and eye-opening view of the world
I just finished Born on a Blue Day: Inside the Extraordinary Mind of an Autistic Savant by Daniel Tammet. Talk about an amazing book. I randomly saw this book one day on the shelf of a book store, read the back of it and it kind of stuck in my head so I ordered it. Daniel Tammet is a man who is highly functioning and has Aspergers syndrome. He is brilliant and the book details his life from childhood through where he is now.
He is a savant, similar to the character in Rain Man. He discusses his love of numbers and how he views them. In the beginning of the book he says "No matter where I go or what I'm doing, number are never far from my thoughts. Numbers are my friends, and they are always around me." To Daniel, each number is a different shape, color and texture. He sees them in his head and when doing mathematics problems they all work together in his head to form what he calls a mathematical landscape. I have to say I'm a little jealous! He memorized over 22,000 digits of pi and broke a record!!
The book isn't limited to his abilities. It also details his struggles as a child and the trails he went through with his family. The bright spots include how he was able to overcome some of the social pressures and stigmas surrounding autism and has truly become independent.
I suggest the book to anyone interested in reading about someone who has a unique ability to learn math and languages (several different ones), while limited by a disease that effects 1 in 110 children.
He is a savant, similar to the character in Rain Man. He discusses his love of numbers and how he views them. In the beginning of the book he says "No matter where I go or what I'm doing, number are never far from my thoughts. Numbers are my friends, and they are always around me." To Daniel, each number is a different shape, color and texture. He sees them in his head and when doing mathematics problems they all work together in his head to form what he calls a mathematical landscape. I have to say I'm a little jealous! He memorized over 22,000 digits of pi and broke a record!!
The book isn't limited to his abilities. It also details his struggles as a child and the trails he went through with his family. The bright spots include how he was able to overcome some of the social pressures and stigmas surrounding autism and has truly become independent.
I suggest the book to anyone interested in reading about someone who has a unique ability to learn math and languages (several different ones), while limited by a disease that effects 1 in 110 children.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)