After being in pain for so long and dealing with headaches for as long as I have I really should have known better than to walk into a neurologists office with any hope at all. But I was an idiot, and I had hope that the person I was seeing would be knowledgeable and maybe even caring enough to find something, at least the time of day, to listen to what I was dealing with and try to problem solve some way to fix that problem.
Instead I walked into what felt like the most rushed, hyper, and ADHD appointment I've ever had. I felt like I needed to ask the doctor to calm down and take a breath. I was lucky if I could finish my sentence before he tried asking another question which was basically just repeating what I had just answered and had given him documentation of and was right in front of him. I'm really not trying to be a pessimistic jerk and I'm not trying to give this doctor a hard time but I did not feel like I was given the time of day, let alone adequate care.
The decision, up my dosage of one of the meds that I'm already on. Yep, the one that makes me not feel hungry and that I've been on a higher dose of before. Well, we can see if it helps my daily headaches but he even admitted it wouldn't touch the pain I'm in now. So at the end of the appointment when I finally pleaded with him, telling him I've been in extreme pain for 3 weeks now and I can't function or handle this any longer he basically told me that he didn't have many options for me. If it had been earlier in the "headache cycle" he would have considered putting me in the hospital for a few days and putting me on high dose drugs but because it has been so long he things I'd just be miserable in there and that it isn't worth my time. And my other option was to call two other doctors and talk to them about Occipital Nerve Blocks. He looked at me, almost hopefully, that I would just call them and try it. So I said I would and left. He did prescribe me an antihistamine that he thought might help, but is doubtful about as well. UGH!
So I called the two doctors he recommended for the other procedure... one is booked until the end of May, the other until July. Awesome....NOT! So I'm still stuck in a crap ton of pain, and really didn't get any help. So I'm stuck. I'm going to call another neurologists office tomorrow and see if I can get in anytime soon or at least talk with one of their doctors and get suggests. If not I might just be stuck going to the ER to see what they can do. I can't keep living in this much pain. I keep coming home feeling like death and just wanted to crash and not have any human interaction. I've been snapping at my students and my coworkers and they don't deserve it. I just feel bad! I can't keep trying to live like this, it isn't really living.
My students are mainly testing tomorrow so my weekend will be full of grading, it should be a blast! I just want to feel better so that maybe, someday I can have a real life again.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Extreme pain, Rushing, and Reviewing
I feel like the month of April has flown by! Somehow spring break ended and school just jumped into high gear. My algebra classes are now in two different places because the two different schools take the exams two weeks apart from each other. For the past few weeks they have been on the same schedule, but starting this week, until the end of the year, they will be doing different things, which means more planning for me and more balancing so that I know what day it is and what the heck I need to be doing. It should be interesting for sure.
The past few weeks at school have been full of teaching every last minute item under the sun! I think I relearned statistics in order to teach it. Some of the stuff they are expected to learn in Algebra 1 I didn't learn until AP stats, or at all, in all of my math classes, so it made for an interesting few weeks.
And then my head decided it would be a good time to attack me, literally. Starting a little over 2 weeks ago I got a migraine, that didn't go away, despite everything I tried. I'm at the point where I can handle pain. I've had a headache every day for 8 years now, this isn't anything new. But when it is a full blown migraine I take my meds, try to sleep it off and want to avoid any light or sound for a while. That is a very hard thing to do when you teach high school and are surrounded by fluorescent lights and loud children. So I spent the first weekend taking my normal medicine, getting as much sleep as possible, doing as little work as I could get away with, and being an overall bum. And when that didn't work I went to work on Monday and taught as if nothing was wrong. I spent a week trying to pretend that I was fine. I tried stronger medicine and when that didn't work I got a little worried but knew I had one more trick up my sleeve. So over last weekend, I took stuff stronger than morphine, granted it was a few years old, but this is strong stuff. It still had a bit of an effect on me. I was a bit out of it, not functioning well, but still in pain. It dulled the pain enough that I had one normal night, and then it came back. So I had another horrible week. What most people don't understand about being a teacher is that when you don't feel well and you take a sick day, there are 60 kids wondering where you are, needing questions answered and expecting you to be there to teach a lesson. So a sick day, especially this close to state tests, was out of the question. So I dealt with the pain and got through it. Thursday I finally gave in and went to see my doctor. I knew I had a neurologist appointment for next week, but figured I would tried my normal doctors office. Well, after having to wait for an hour just to be seen (despite having an appointment) the doctor I saw basically told me that there wasn't much they could do outpatient and I'd have to try to get in to see my neurologist sooner (good luck) or go to the ER. He gave me one thing to try (which didn't work in the past) and sent me on my way. So I'm now on another medicine for a week, that has annoying side effects, that is slightly dulling the pain but is not really helping. Overall I'm still in extreme pain and I can't do anything about it. I don't go to the neurologist until Thursday, and even then I'm not sure what he's going to tell me. I'm worried that he's going to send me to the ER and tell me I need an inpatient treatment, or IV painkillers. Both options do not fit into my schedule or life right now. Do I want the pain to end? Of course! But I don't have time to sit in the hospital either!
I am so exhausted from being in pain. I come home every night and just crash. I try to get as much work done at school as I can so that I don't have much to do at home. I can't seem to find the energy to grade or plan once I'm home because all I want to do is sleep. Just moving hurts and having to pretend that everything is okay at school makes it that much more draining. As if the pain wasn't bad enough, I have to hide it from most of the people around me just to function. It makes for a very long day.
And now I am done complaining. Given all of the horrible things that have happened this week I shouldn't be focused on me at all. I am so thankful that all of my friends in Boston, and everyone in that area, is safe and sound. It amazes me how much can happen and how quickly events can change.
The next few weeks are going to be as full as the past few. Hopefully they will be less painful and be a tad less stressful. I'm pretty sure that once the state tests are over I will be able to breathe a little bit better. Still have a lot of planning to do, but it will be a bit more relaxed. Thanks to everyone who has read this and is still putting up with me in real life and in cyber space.
The past few weeks at school have been full of teaching every last minute item under the sun! I think I relearned statistics in order to teach it. Some of the stuff they are expected to learn in Algebra 1 I didn't learn until AP stats, or at all, in all of my math classes, so it made for an interesting few weeks.
And then my head decided it would be a good time to attack me, literally. Starting a little over 2 weeks ago I got a migraine, that didn't go away, despite everything I tried. I'm at the point where I can handle pain. I've had a headache every day for 8 years now, this isn't anything new. But when it is a full blown migraine I take my meds, try to sleep it off and want to avoid any light or sound for a while. That is a very hard thing to do when you teach high school and are surrounded by fluorescent lights and loud children. So I spent the first weekend taking my normal medicine, getting as much sleep as possible, doing as little work as I could get away with, and being an overall bum. And when that didn't work I went to work on Monday and taught as if nothing was wrong. I spent a week trying to pretend that I was fine. I tried stronger medicine and when that didn't work I got a little worried but knew I had one more trick up my sleeve. So over last weekend, I took stuff stronger than morphine, granted it was a few years old, but this is strong stuff. It still had a bit of an effect on me. I was a bit out of it, not functioning well, but still in pain. It dulled the pain enough that I had one normal night, and then it came back. So I had another horrible week. What most people don't understand about being a teacher is that when you don't feel well and you take a sick day, there are 60 kids wondering where you are, needing questions answered and expecting you to be there to teach a lesson. So a sick day, especially this close to state tests, was out of the question. So I dealt with the pain and got through it. Thursday I finally gave in and went to see my doctor. I knew I had a neurologist appointment for next week, but figured I would tried my normal doctors office. Well, after having to wait for an hour just to be seen (despite having an appointment) the doctor I saw basically told me that there wasn't much they could do outpatient and I'd have to try to get in to see my neurologist sooner (good luck) or go to the ER. He gave me one thing to try (which didn't work in the past) and sent me on my way. So I'm now on another medicine for a week, that has annoying side effects, that is slightly dulling the pain but is not really helping. Overall I'm still in extreme pain and I can't do anything about it. I don't go to the neurologist until Thursday, and even then I'm not sure what he's going to tell me. I'm worried that he's going to send me to the ER and tell me I need an inpatient treatment, or IV painkillers. Both options do not fit into my schedule or life right now. Do I want the pain to end? Of course! But I don't have time to sit in the hospital either!
I am so exhausted from being in pain. I come home every night and just crash. I try to get as much work done at school as I can so that I don't have much to do at home. I can't seem to find the energy to grade or plan once I'm home because all I want to do is sleep. Just moving hurts and having to pretend that everything is okay at school makes it that much more draining. As if the pain wasn't bad enough, I have to hide it from most of the people around me just to function. It makes for a very long day.
And now I am done complaining. Given all of the horrible things that have happened this week I shouldn't be focused on me at all. I am so thankful that all of my friends in Boston, and everyone in that area, is safe and sound. It amazes me how much can happen and how quickly events can change.
The next few weeks are going to be as full as the past few. Hopefully they will be less painful and be a tad less stressful. I'm pretty sure that once the state tests are over I will be able to breathe a little bit better. Still have a lot of planning to do, but it will be a bit more relaxed. Thanks to everyone who has read this and is still putting up with me in real life and in cyber space.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Spring Break
Spring Break came at exactly the right time! The two weeks before break were a bit rough. I was dealing with a stressful situation at one of the schools I work at, and it didn't seem to get much better with time. And then I came down with a cold that wasn't bad but enough to knock me out for a day.
Break was amazing! I spent Saturday through Wednesday morning at my parents place in NJ. It was great to see them. I was there for Christmas but it was nice to just be with them (and not surrounded by other family, or family friends) and be able to eat, sleep, and relax. We didn't do much specifically since my parents had work during the week still but it eating home cooked meals was a plus. Not to mention going shopping with Mom for a day and finding some cute spring outfits was definitely fun!
Wednesday I drove up the coast of NJ a bit to see one of my friends from Rochester who now lives in NJ and had the day off. We hung out during the day. I can officially say I went to the beach, even if it was cold. We walked along the boardwalk and saw some of the rebuilding happening from the hurricane. It was a nice afternoon. That night we drove up to Jersey City and met up with two of my other friends who I know from Rochester. I hadn't seen any of them since I moved in August so this was an amazing trip for me. I didn't realize quite how much I missed everyone until we were all back in one room acting as if we hadn't missed a beat. We went into NYC for dinner and drinks and just spent the night catching up and having fun! I was reminded what it felt like to jump into a conversation and feel safe and comfortable from the beginning. I got so many hugs in an 18 hour period it was both comforting and a little saddening that things are so different here.
Thursday I drove home and crashed! I was exhausted. Who knew vacation could be so tiring?! I spent most of the day doing laundry and unpacking and that night I saw Jason (my boyfriend) and we just relaxed together. It was really good to see him again, even if it had only been 5 days since I had seen him, it felt like longer and I missed being able to tell him about my days in person.
Friday I had an interview for a summer camp position. It sounded pretty positive so I'm hoping that means I have a summer job! A little extra pocket money plus fun with kids never hurt anyone! The rest of the day I ran errands, did a little school work, got a haircut, and relaxed at night.
Saturday my head decided to attack me. I have been rather lucky lately and it hasn't been too bad. I've had a few days that have been worse than normal but they've been bearable. Saturday was like that, but when I woke up I didn't want to move, which made the rest of the day difficult. A bunch of Jason's friends were going into DC for lunch, to see some of the museums, and to enjoy the nice weather and he wanted me to come as well. So I did... and it was fun.
I'm still really skeptical about hanging out with his friends. They are very nice people, don't get me wrong, I just feel very out of place. They've grown up together, so whenever I'm with them I feel like an outsider looking in waiting for the inside joke or the story to be explained. I'm starting to get used to it. I just know that no matter what they will always be his friends and while I might end up being called a friend it won't be the same, or even close. I guess it shouldn't be, I'm just having a hard time putting things together in my head, especially after spending time with good friends this past week, and after being consistently told that "I think you'll really get along" or "you guys will be good friends."
Anyway, Sunday was Easter. I just graded papers and went grocery shopping. I did figure out that the best time to go grocery shopping was on a holiday at night! Wow was it dead! It was a busy but productive afternoon/evening.
I'm sad to see break over. Today we had a teacher workday, so it was finalizing grades for the 3rd quarter and then planning for 4th quarter. I can't believe I only have 9 more weeks in my 1st year teacher! It flew by!!! I'm hoping and praying that everything at school starts off a little bit smoother than how it ended before break. I would really prefer less stress for at least a week or two if possible.
Break was amazing! I spent Saturday through Wednesday morning at my parents place in NJ. It was great to see them. I was there for Christmas but it was nice to just be with them (and not surrounded by other family, or family friends) and be able to eat, sleep, and relax. We didn't do much specifically since my parents had work during the week still but it eating home cooked meals was a plus. Not to mention going shopping with Mom for a day and finding some cute spring outfits was definitely fun!
Wednesday I drove up the coast of NJ a bit to see one of my friends from Rochester who now lives in NJ and had the day off. We hung out during the day. I can officially say I went to the beach, even if it was cold. We walked along the boardwalk and saw some of the rebuilding happening from the hurricane. It was a nice afternoon. That night we drove up to Jersey City and met up with two of my other friends who I know from Rochester. I hadn't seen any of them since I moved in August so this was an amazing trip for me. I didn't realize quite how much I missed everyone until we were all back in one room acting as if we hadn't missed a beat. We went into NYC for dinner and drinks and just spent the night catching up and having fun! I was reminded what it felt like to jump into a conversation and feel safe and comfortable from the beginning. I got so many hugs in an 18 hour period it was both comforting and a little saddening that things are so different here.
Thursday I drove home and crashed! I was exhausted. Who knew vacation could be so tiring?! I spent most of the day doing laundry and unpacking and that night I saw Jason (my boyfriend) and we just relaxed together. It was really good to see him again, even if it had only been 5 days since I had seen him, it felt like longer and I missed being able to tell him about my days in person.
Friday I had an interview for a summer camp position. It sounded pretty positive so I'm hoping that means I have a summer job! A little extra pocket money plus fun with kids never hurt anyone! The rest of the day I ran errands, did a little school work, got a haircut, and relaxed at night.
Saturday my head decided to attack me. I have been rather lucky lately and it hasn't been too bad. I've had a few days that have been worse than normal but they've been bearable. Saturday was like that, but when I woke up I didn't want to move, which made the rest of the day difficult. A bunch of Jason's friends were going into DC for lunch, to see some of the museums, and to enjoy the nice weather and he wanted me to come as well. So I did... and it was fun.
I'm still really skeptical about hanging out with his friends. They are very nice people, don't get me wrong, I just feel very out of place. They've grown up together, so whenever I'm with them I feel like an outsider looking in waiting for the inside joke or the story to be explained. I'm starting to get used to it. I just know that no matter what they will always be his friends and while I might end up being called a friend it won't be the same, or even close. I guess it shouldn't be, I'm just having a hard time putting things together in my head, especially after spending time with good friends this past week, and after being consistently told that "I think you'll really get along" or "you guys will be good friends."
Anyway, Sunday was Easter. I just graded papers and went grocery shopping. I did figure out that the best time to go grocery shopping was on a holiday at night! Wow was it dead! It was a busy but productive afternoon/evening.
I'm sad to see break over. Today we had a teacher workday, so it was finalizing grades for the 3rd quarter and then planning for 4th quarter. I can't believe I only have 9 more weeks in my 1st year teacher! It flew by!!! I'm hoping and praying that everything at school starts off a little bit smoother than how it ended before break. I would really prefer less stress for at least a week or two if possible.
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