Party, Rest, Soup

What a weekend! I knew it was going to be an interesting weekend just based on the fact that I had work, a Halloween party to go to, and a day off.

Friday was busier than I planned. School went well but Old Navy was having a crazy sale so when I got to work we were really busy. It felt like it was one of the holiday sales. The shift went quickly which was a blessing, but it was a long night.

Saturday was just an interesting day. Work at Mathnasium was interesting, difficult, and perplexing to say the least. I ended up staying an extra hour and a half just to get a little bit of office work done, and even then I wasn't able to get much done. It was a very long shift. The kids were pretty good but my cold made my voice sound like a man when I spoke so talking was a little difficult. Overall it went alright. After work I went home and just relaxed for a few hours before going to a friends Halloween party. I was cheap this year and made my own costume. I was a page out of an "I Spy" book. I took an old tie-dye shirt and printed out different pictures on iron-on transfer paper and ironed them on and then painted a list of what needed to be found. It was kind of lame, but the tie-dye shirt looked kind of cool under black light! My friends went all out and decorated their whole house for the party! It was sweet! We all had a lot of fun! I ended up feeling like crap and being super tired by 12:30 so I left, which I hated doing but I knew I wouldn't be able to stay up as late as everyone else and figured I might as well try to get healthy and get some sleep.

This morning my body decided 6 was a good time to wake up... so I laid in bed until 8:30 and forced myself to try to sleep a little longer which resulted in restless sleep. Then I gave up and read in bed and just relaxed until a little after 10. I still felt like crap and besides being congested I felt as if everything was draining into my chest. Really, having this cold is a blast! I decided that I was going to lay low all day and around noon I figured that I wanted to make soup, and then it seemed logical to invite other people to share it with. Most of the people I invited couldn't come, but a few were able to make it. The recipe for the Baked Potato Soup is below. It turned out alright despite a gluten free substitution.

I'm personally dealing with a lot right now. I'm ready to give up but at the same time know that I can't.

Baked Potato Soup
Ingredients:
2/3 cup butter
2/3 cup flour (if gluten free use white rice flour)
7 cups milk
4 potatoes (bakes, cooled, and cubed)
4 green onions, chopped (I used a little less than 4 because mine were really strong)
12 slices of bacon
1 1/4 cups shredded Cheddar cheese
1 cup sour cream
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper

Directions:
1.) Place bacon in a large skillet. Cook over medium heat until browned. Drain, crumble and set aside.
2.) In a large stock pot melt butter over medium heat. Whisk in flour, until smooth. Gradually add milk, whisking constantly until thickened. Stir in potatoes and onions. Bring to a boil, stirring frequently.
3.) Reduce heat, simmer 10 minutes (this gets thick fast so keep an eye on it). Mix in bacon, cheese, sour cream, salt and pepper. Continue cooking, stirring frequently, until cheese is melted. Serve and enjoy!

Fall and Feeling Weird

I feel as if fall is flying by. I was driving the other day to pick something up for my Mom's birthday and I was just a few streets away from my apartment but it as if I had entered farm country (amazing what 5 minutes can do). It was a crisp fall day, partly sunny, drizzly here and there, but the colors of the leaves on the trees were beautiful. It struck me for the first time in a while how quickly my life had been moving. I hadn't taken the time to just stop and look around at the beauty and wonder around me. I know how cliche this all sounds, it sounded that way in my head, but I decided to put it out there anyways. Constantly going between work and school and random other errands I was usually driving in the dark, and when it was daytime I wasn't paying attention to what was going on around me because I was thinking about the multiple other things I had to get done during the rest of the day. It was nice to be reminded that there are beautiful things around to be thankful for.

I'm fighting a cold, still battling side effects, and everything just feels weird. It's been another hard week but it's difficult to explain and not really worth trying. I'm looking forward to a Halloween party with friends tomorrow night that I have vowed to go to for a while no matter how I am feeling. I haven't seen most of my friends in a few weeks so that will change. I'm going to try to get myself healthy and be more positive and find the little things to make me smile, like the color of the leaves.

A trying week

Without getting into the details of the week, I'll just say that it has been a long week. While work made it more difficult the main reason that this week was so hard was because of physical, and emotional pain caused by my medicine/ the side effects.

My neurologist had me start a medicine that I've been on before, so I knew a few of the side effects to expect but since I'm adding it to another medication that I've been taking I wasn't sure what else to expect. Over the past week and a half I've experienced some obscure feelings that are hard to describe. In addition to my fingers and face feeling tingly (only on and off and without warning), I've been nauseous to the point of not wanting to eat (which I knew was going to happen), and I've almost felt as if I've been out of my mind (which makes me sound crazy, but it is more that I feel as if I am thinking multiple things all at once and then watching myself thinking it all-ok maybe I am crazy). Both of the first ones are typical side effects on this medication so there isn't anything to worry about, it's just annoying. I got to the point where I just didn't want to eat, which meant that I was getting really tired despite getting 7 or 8 hours of sleep a night. By the end of most days I was wondering why I was still trying, why I cared, and what the point was. I'm still wondering all of those things. People try to remind me to "have hope" but after 6 1/2 years it's hard. When I feel like I can't make it through the day without a nap (or at all) hoping for an end to the pain is that much harder when there are side effects on top of the headache.

Luckily my random back pain that started last Saturday was gone by Wednesday for the most part. As long as I kept heat on it, it seemed to be fine. But mixing that pain on top of the headache and the side effects was just another stress to deal with making for a difficult week.

Saturday and Sunday have proved to be a slight reprieve. Saturday was full of work. 4 hours in the morning and then I forced myself to eat a real meal, probably my first in a few days, and then another 4 hours closing at Old Navy. Saturday night a good friend was willing to listen to me and forced me to talk. I needed it, it was difficult, and there is still a lot in my head and in my heart, but having some of it out helps. What also seemed to help was having some food in my system. The side effects weren't quite as bad Saturday night.

Today my head has been hurting worse than normal, but I've had the day off and I've taken advantage of it. I relaxed for a few hours this morning and just watched a few tv shows. Then I made my Halloween costume for a party next weekend. I even made a batch a peanut butter chocolate chip cookies (the recipe is in a post from a few weeks ago). I also made some chicken noodle soup with left over chicken broth and veggies that I had. It's been a productive day but being in more pain is hard. I was invited to hang out with a few friends tonight but just couldn't bring myself to leave my apartment. Between the pain and side effects I just can't do it, which sucks because I haven't been able to really be social all week. I am going to try to relax the rest of the night and go to bed early.

I know this sounds like a depressing post. Life isn't all bad. I have a Halloween party to look forward to next weekend, and work at school is going really well. I'm enjoying my grad class and I feel like I've been understanding it better lately which has been nice. There is a pumpkin carving get together Tuesday that I'm hoping to have enough energy to attend and when it comes down to it I know deep down that I have family and a few friends that love and care about me, and that is enough, for now.