What a weekend! I knew it was going to be an interesting weekend just based on the fact that I had work, a Halloween party to go to, and a day off.
Friday was busier than I planned. School went well but Old Navy was having a crazy sale so when I got to work we were really busy. It felt like it was one of the holiday sales. The shift went quickly which was a blessing, but it was a long night.
Saturday was just an interesting day. Work at Mathnasium was interesting, difficult, and perplexing to say the least. I ended up staying an extra hour and a half just to get a little bit of office work done, and even then I wasn't able to get much done. It was a very long shift. The kids were pretty good but my cold made my voice sound like a man when I spoke so talking was a little difficult. Overall it went alright. After work I went home and just relaxed for a few hours before going to a friends Halloween party. I was cheap this year and made my own costume. I was a page out of an "I Spy" book. I took an old tie-dye shirt and printed out different pictures on iron-on transfer paper and ironed them on and then painted a list of what needed to be found. It was kind of lame, but the tie-dye shirt looked kind of cool under black light! My friends went all out and decorated their whole house for the party! It was sweet! We all had a lot of fun! I ended up feeling like crap and being super tired by 12:30 so I left, which I hated doing but I knew I wouldn't be able to stay up as late as everyone else and figured I might as well try to get healthy and get some sleep.
This morning my body decided 6 was a good time to wake up... so I laid in bed until 8:30 and forced myself to try to sleep a little longer which resulted in restless sleep. Then I gave up and read in bed and just relaxed until a little after 10. I still felt like crap and besides being congested I felt as if everything was draining into my chest. Really, having this cold is a blast! I decided that I was going to lay low all day and around noon I figured that I wanted to make soup, and then it seemed logical to invite other people to share it with. Most of the people I invited couldn't come, but a few were able to make it. The recipe for the Baked Potato Soup is below. It turned out alright despite a gluten free substitution.
I'm personally dealing with a lot right now. I'm ready to give up but at the same time know that I can't.
Baked Potato Soup
Ingredients:
2/3 cup butter
2/3 cup flour (if gluten free use white rice flour)
7 cups milk
4 potatoes (bakes, cooled, and cubed)
4 green onions, chopped (I used a little less than 4 because mine were really strong)
12 slices of bacon
1 1/4 cups shredded Cheddar cheese
1 cup sour cream
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
Directions:
1.) Place bacon in a large skillet. Cook over medium heat until browned. Drain, crumble and set aside.
2.) In a large stock pot melt butter over medium heat. Whisk in flour, until smooth. Gradually add milk, whisking constantly until thickened. Stir in potatoes and onions. Bring to a boil, stirring frequently.
3.) Reduce heat, simmer 10 minutes (this gets thick fast so keep an eye on it). Mix in bacon, cheese, sour cream, salt and pepper. Continue cooking, stirring frequently, until cheese is melted. Serve and enjoy!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Fall and Feeling Weird
I feel as if fall is flying by. I was driving the other day to pick something up for my Mom's birthday and I was just a few streets away from my apartment but it as if I had entered farm country (amazing what 5 minutes can do). It was a crisp fall day, partly sunny, drizzly here and there, but the colors of the leaves on the trees were beautiful. It struck me for the first time in a while how quickly my life had been moving. I hadn't taken the time to just stop and look around at the beauty and wonder around me. I know how cliche this all sounds, it sounded that way in my head, but I decided to put it out there anyways. Constantly going between work and school and random other errands I was usually driving in the dark, and when it was daytime I wasn't paying attention to what was going on around me because I was thinking about the multiple other things I had to get done during the rest of the day. It was nice to be reminded that there are beautiful things around to be thankful for.
I'm fighting a cold, still battling side effects, and everything just feels weird. It's been another hard week but it's difficult to explain and not really worth trying. I'm looking forward to a Halloween party with friends tomorrow night that I have vowed to go to for a while no matter how I am feeling. I haven't seen most of my friends in a few weeks so that will change. I'm going to try to get myself healthy and be more positive and find the little things to make me smile, like the color of the leaves.
I'm fighting a cold, still battling side effects, and everything just feels weird. It's been another hard week but it's difficult to explain and not really worth trying. I'm looking forward to a Halloween party with friends tomorrow night that I have vowed to go to for a while no matter how I am feeling. I haven't seen most of my friends in a few weeks so that will change. I'm going to try to get myself healthy and be more positive and find the little things to make me smile, like the color of the leaves.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
A trying week
Without getting into the details of the week, I'll just say that it has been a long week. While work made it more difficult the main reason that this week was so hard was because of physical, and emotional pain caused by my medicine/ the side effects.
My neurologist had me start a medicine that I've been on before, so I knew a few of the side effects to expect but since I'm adding it to another medication that I've been taking I wasn't sure what else to expect. Over the past week and a half I've experienced some obscure feelings that are hard to describe. In addition to my fingers and face feeling tingly (only on and off and without warning), I've been nauseous to the point of not wanting to eat (which I knew was going to happen), and I've almost felt as if I've been out of my mind (which makes me sound crazy, but it is more that I feel as if I am thinking multiple things all at once and then watching myself thinking it all-ok maybe I am crazy). Both of the first ones are typical side effects on this medication so there isn't anything to worry about, it's just annoying. I got to the point where I just didn't want to eat, which meant that I was getting really tired despite getting 7 or 8 hours of sleep a night. By the end of most days I was wondering why I was still trying, why I cared, and what the point was. I'm still wondering all of those things. People try to remind me to "have hope" but after 6 1/2 years it's hard. When I feel like I can't make it through the day without a nap (or at all) hoping for an end to the pain is that much harder when there are side effects on top of the headache.
Luckily my random back pain that started last Saturday was gone by Wednesday for the most part. As long as I kept heat on it, it seemed to be fine. But mixing that pain on top of the headache and the side effects was just another stress to deal with making for a difficult week.
Saturday and Sunday have proved to be a slight reprieve. Saturday was full of work. 4 hours in the morning and then I forced myself to eat a real meal, probably my first in a few days, and then another 4 hours closing at Old Navy. Saturday night a good friend was willing to listen to me and forced me to talk. I needed it, it was difficult, and there is still a lot in my head and in my heart, but having some of it out helps. What also seemed to help was having some food in my system. The side effects weren't quite as bad Saturday night.
Today my head has been hurting worse than normal, but I've had the day off and I've taken advantage of it. I relaxed for a few hours this morning and just watched a few tv shows. Then I made my Halloween costume for a party next weekend. I even made a batch a peanut butter chocolate chip cookies (the recipe is in a post from a few weeks ago). I also made some chicken noodle soup with left over chicken broth and veggies that I had. It's been a productive day but being in more pain is hard. I was invited to hang out with a few friends tonight but just couldn't bring myself to leave my apartment. Between the pain and side effects I just can't do it, which sucks because I haven't been able to really be social all week. I am going to try to relax the rest of the night and go to bed early.
I know this sounds like a depressing post. Life isn't all bad. I have a Halloween party to look forward to next weekend, and work at school is going really well. I'm enjoying my grad class and I feel like I've been understanding it better lately which has been nice. There is a pumpkin carving get together Tuesday that I'm hoping to have enough energy to attend and when it comes down to it I know deep down that I have family and a few friends that love and care about me, and that is enough, for now.
My neurologist had me start a medicine that I've been on before, so I knew a few of the side effects to expect but since I'm adding it to another medication that I've been taking I wasn't sure what else to expect. Over the past week and a half I've experienced some obscure feelings that are hard to describe. In addition to my fingers and face feeling tingly (only on and off and without warning), I've been nauseous to the point of not wanting to eat (which I knew was going to happen), and I've almost felt as if I've been out of my mind (which makes me sound crazy, but it is more that I feel as if I am thinking multiple things all at once and then watching myself thinking it all-ok maybe I am crazy). Both of the first ones are typical side effects on this medication so there isn't anything to worry about, it's just annoying. I got to the point where I just didn't want to eat, which meant that I was getting really tired despite getting 7 or 8 hours of sleep a night. By the end of most days I was wondering why I was still trying, why I cared, and what the point was. I'm still wondering all of those things. People try to remind me to "have hope" but after 6 1/2 years it's hard. When I feel like I can't make it through the day without a nap (or at all) hoping for an end to the pain is that much harder when there are side effects on top of the headache.
Luckily my random back pain that started last Saturday was gone by Wednesday for the most part. As long as I kept heat on it, it seemed to be fine. But mixing that pain on top of the headache and the side effects was just another stress to deal with making for a difficult week.
Saturday and Sunday have proved to be a slight reprieve. Saturday was full of work. 4 hours in the morning and then I forced myself to eat a real meal, probably my first in a few days, and then another 4 hours closing at Old Navy. Saturday night a good friend was willing to listen to me and forced me to talk. I needed it, it was difficult, and there is still a lot in my head and in my heart, but having some of it out helps. What also seemed to help was having some food in my system. The side effects weren't quite as bad Saturday night.
Today my head has been hurting worse than normal, but I've had the day off and I've taken advantage of it. I relaxed for a few hours this morning and just watched a few tv shows. Then I made my Halloween costume for a party next weekend. I even made a batch a peanut butter chocolate chip cookies (the recipe is in a post from a few weeks ago). I also made some chicken noodle soup with left over chicken broth and veggies that I had. It's been a productive day but being in more pain is hard. I was invited to hang out with a few friends tonight but just couldn't bring myself to leave my apartment. Between the pain and side effects I just can't do it, which sucks because I haven't been able to really be social all week. I am going to try to relax the rest of the night and go to bed early.
I know this sounds like a depressing post. Life isn't all bad. I have a Halloween party to look forward to next weekend, and work at school is going really well. I'm enjoying my grad class and I feel like I've been understanding it better lately which has been nice. There is a pumpkin carving get together Tuesday that I'm hoping to have enough energy to attend and when it comes down to it I know deep down that I have family and a few friends that love and care about me, and that is enough, for now.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Family History, Iranian History, Imprisonment
The book I just finished is called My Prison, My Home by Haleh Esfandiari. And as the title of this post suggests it held a lot for me.
Haleh is my great aunt, and 4 years ago she was imprisoned in Iran. This book is a concise summary of both Iran's history over the past 100 years but also her story or turmoil and captivity. It was interesting for me to read about her childhood and hear more about her life. I really only get to see her once a year when we go to visit, so reading about her life was interesting. Obviously being 25% Iranian I follow the news and have always taken interest in history in general, but to get her take on the countries history was helpful. The political view was also helpful. She shed light on the relationship between the United States and Iran over the past 30 years and how is has swung in the balance and why.
Reading about the imprisonment was difficult. To think that anyone could capture a 68 year old woman and keep her in solitary confinement for over 100 days is astonishing to me. The fact that she was regularly interrogated on top of that was heart-breaking. Knowing that she is home safe and that she is doing well makes it that much better, but I know that while it was going on our whole family was constantly up in the air and always worried.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
A busy week and another dinner with friends!
It feels as if so much has happened since Monday. I apologize for not updating more often but somehow this week just flew by.
Tuesday was spent running tests at school and teaching in the math lab for 7 hours and then going straight to work at Mathnasium. I was there until 7:15 or so and then I met up with a good friend for a quick shopping trip before "watching" part of the Republican debate with friends. While the debate wasn't the real reason I was there it was wonderful to see friends and get a few hugs. I really needed it.
Wednesday turned out differently that I planned but in a good way. I worked at school until 12:30 and then got lunch with a friend before working until 7:30. Then I grabbed dinner and drinks with a few good friends and just hung out with them. After the night I had I needed to be with good friends, mainly to take my mind off of things, but also to be reminded that I am cared about and that I have people in my life that are wonderful!
Thursday was long!! 7 hours at school leading to a migraine by mid-day. I made it through most of work at Mathnasium but left around 6:15 since I was done teaching. I made copies at the library for homework stuff and then came home, did a few more things and passed out before 10. I actually got 8 1/2 hours of sleep on a school night, it was glorious!
Friday was 7 hours at school, most of which was in the library giving tests on the computers, then running a few errands before working at Old Navy 4-8. I was home by 8:30 and super lazy. I should have done homework but had no energy, so instead I watched a few tv shows online and then went to bed before 11.
Saturday I woke up before my alarm (still got 8 1/2 hours of sleep) and felt like I could do homework but didn't really have enough time to get anything done, so instead I just got ready and grabbed some coffee and headed into work. Oh how I wish I could have done anything but gone to work. Work started by getting yelled at by my boss on the phone for something that wasn't even my fault, which I couldn't bring to her attention. It just wasn't a good time. After work I did a little shopping with a friend, and then ran into an old friend from high school randomly in the mall! I got home, ate dinner and then changed for work. Somehow within the hour I was home I hurt my lower back. I think I just pulled a muscle but it hurts to bend down and walk! But of course I had to go to work at Old Navy 6-10. Luckily we got out at 9! I was on register for the majority of the time which was easy enough but standing was not comfortable. After work I came home, talked to my parents on the phone, and then tried to sleep which wasn't easy to do.
Today was productive! I didn't sleep great because of the back pain but I made it to about 7:40. I got up and jumped straight into homework. I had to write a 5-7 page literature review, which I had no idea how to do. I had done a good amount of research and knew what I wanted to write about, but didn't really know how to go about doing it. Long story short, I finished a first draft by 2:30. So I hopped in the shower, went to Wegmans, and then cleaned my apartment and made dinner and dessert for my friends! Dessert was just a gluten free boxes cake mix turned cupcakes (not great but did the trick). Dinner was Chicken Paprika, recipe follows. We had a good time eating together and catching up. It was a lot of fun and quite nice.
Chicken Paprika
Ingredients:
2 tbsp. butter
1 tbsp. oil
2 1/2-3 lbs chicken (I use legs/thighs- it's better with bones and skin on)
1/2 cup dices onion
1/2 cup diced carrots
1/2 cup diced celery
1 tbsp paprika
1 1/2 tbsp. white rice flour (if you are not gluten free just use normal flour)
1 tbsp ketchup
3/4 tsp salt
pinch of pepper
1 cup chicken broth
1/2 cup sour cream
Directions:
1. Heat butter and oil in a dutch over. Brown chicken a few pieces at a time, until golden brown. Remove chicken as it browns.
2. Saute onions, carrots, and celery for 5 minutes.
3. Add paprika. Cook 1 minute.
4. Remove from heat, stir in flour, ketchup, salt and pepper.
5. Gradually add broth, place on heat and bring to boil, stirring.
6. Reduce heat, simmer 10 minutes covered.
7. Add browned chicken; simmer, covered 35 minutes or until chicken is tender.
8. Remove chicken and stir in sour cream, heating through. Stir gently- do not let boil! Serve over egg noodles!
We are it before I had the chance to take a picture but everyone seemed to enjoy it!
This week should be slightly less chaotic compared to last week, at least a few less hours at school. Hopefully things go alright at work and I don't end up too angry or frustrated. If I'm really lucky I'll be able to see friends and be happy at least once or twice too!
Monday, October 10, 2011
A day to relax and bake!
Yay Columbus Day!! Or as some of my friends call it "Invasion Day"! I was just grateful for an extra day off. This weekend was a bit busy despite having some time off.
Friday and Saturday I worked 8 hours each. Sunday I was off, but had a lot of homework to do for class, so I spent 5 hours in the library and another 2 or 3 at home working on it. I got it all done before going to bed so that I'd be able to enjoy my Monday off!
Today I slept in until 8, which gave me a little over 8 hours of sleep which felt wonderful! I read for a while and just relaxed. Then I looked up recipes online and went grocery shopping before lunch with a friend. It was a productive morning.
This afternoon was even more productive! I made Zucchini Muffins, Peanut Butter Cookies, and Chicken Alfredo! The recipes are all below along with pictures of the final products. I have class tonight and then my long week starts. Since they are doing a special algebra test at school I have to be there full days this week (except for Wednesday) which means I'll have 12 hour days plus trying to find time to get homework done. I will be working about 65-ish hours this week so it'll be interesting to say the least. Baking has always been one of the best stress relievers for me, so today gave me a good dose of mental health. Plus I used my new stand mixer that my parents gave me for my birthday! My head has been bothering me all day but I was determined not to let that get in the way. It felt good to be productive and make things I enjoy.
Zucchini Muffins (gluten free of course):
Ingredients:
2 cups Pamela's Baking and Pancake Mix (one of the best g-f baking mixes I've found)
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp nutmeg
2 cups grated zucchini
1/4 cup oil
2 eggs
1/2 cup brown sugar (firmly packed)
1/2 cup white sugar
1 tsp vanilla
Directions:
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees and either grease muffin tins or use paper liners
-Whisk together the baking mix, cinnamon (I added 2 1/2 tsp because I like the flavor), salt, and nutmeg.
-In a separate bowl beat eggs, oil, and sugar together for 1 minutes on medium speed. Then stir in vanilla.
-Combine wet and dry ingredients. Fold in zucchini.
-Fill muffin tins 2/3 full and bake 30 to 35 minutes at 350.
Chicken Alfredo:
This was just a random dish I put together for dinner. It should be easy to reheat later in the week.
Ingredients:
2-3 chicken breasts
pasta (1 box)
alfredo sauce (1 jar)
seasonings- I used garlic powder, salt, pepper, and basil.
Directions:
-Boil water and cook pasta as directed.
-Cut chicken into bite size pieces and season with whatever seasonings you desire, I used those listed above.
-Cook chicken in a little olive oil on the stove.
-Add sauce to the chicken once it is fully cooked and then mix together with the pasta.
Friday and Saturday I worked 8 hours each. Sunday I was off, but had a lot of homework to do for class, so I spent 5 hours in the library and another 2 or 3 at home working on it. I got it all done before going to bed so that I'd be able to enjoy my Monday off!
Today I slept in until 8, which gave me a little over 8 hours of sleep which felt wonderful! I read for a while and just relaxed. Then I looked up recipes online and went grocery shopping before lunch with a friend. It was a productive morning.
This afternoon was even more productive! I made Zucchini Muffins, Peanut Butter Cookies, and Chicken Alfredo! The recipes are all below along with pictures of the final products. I have class tonight and then my long week starts. Since they are doing a special algebra test at school I have to be there full days this week (except for Wednesday) which means I'll have 12 hour days plus trying to find time to get homework done. I will be working about 65-ish hours this week so it'll be interesting to say the least. Baking has always been one of the best stress relievers for me, so today gave me a good dose of mental health. Plus I used my new stand mixer that my parents gave me for my birthday! My head has been bothering me all day but I was determined not to let that get in the way. It felt good to be productive and make things I enjoy.
Zucchini Muffins (gluten free of course):
Ingredients:
2 cups Pamela's Baking and Pancake Mix (one of the best g-f baking mixes I've found)
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp nutmeg
2 cups grated zucchini
1/4 cup oil
2 eggs
1/2 cup brown sugar (firmly packed)
1/2 cup white sugar
1 tsp vanilla
Directions:
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees and either grease muffin tins or use paper liners
-Whisk together the baking mix, cinnamon (I added 2 1/2 tsp because I like the flavor), salt, and nutmeg.
-In a separate bowl beat eggs, oil, and sugar together for 1 minutes on medium speed. Then stir in vanilla.
-Combine wet and dry ingredients. Fold in zucchini.
-Fill muffin tins 2/3 full and bake 30 to 35 minutes at 350.
Peanut Butter Cookies (gluten free and delicious)
Ingredients:
1 large egg
3/4 cup sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup creamy peanut butter
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup chocolate chips (optional)
Directions:
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
-Beat together egg, sugar, baking soda, and vanilla in a mixer.
-Beat in peanut butter and then carefully stir in chocolate chips.
-Drop dough by teaspoonfuls onto baking sheet, pressing lightly with the back of a fork. Bake 10 minutes. Let rest 2 minutes on the baking sheet and then transfer to a wire rack to cool.
I baked half of the batch without chocolate chips and added a handful of chips to the rest of the dough. Both versions turned out really well. This recipe is super easy and doesn't have any flour so there is no need for substitutions.
This was just a random dish I put together for dinner. It should be easy to reheat later in the week.
Ingredients:
2-3 chicken breasts
pasta (1 box)
alfredo sauce (1 jar)
seasonings- I used garlic powder, salt, pepper, and basil.
Directions:
-Boil water and cook pasta as directed.
-Cut chicken into bite size pieces and season with whatever seasonings you desire, I used those listed above.
-Cook chicken in a little olive oil on the stove.
-Add sauce to the chicken once it is fully cooked and then mix together with the pasta.
The first two recipes were new for me, which is counting as my new things for the month! I'm glad they turned out well! I'm so glad to be finding gluten free recipes that taste good.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Contemplation
While I should be doing homework, or spending an hour relaxing before bed, I'm stuck in my head contemplating the events of the past week. It has been a very long, exhausting, and draining week but relatively normal (which is the scary part). This week is making me question what I'm doing with my life and how I'm living it. I'll give you a quick overview of my week and then expand on some of what is running through my head.
Monday: The beginning of the week always seems easy, and it is my "lightest" day. Work at school went well, nothing out of the ordinary, and then I had a few hours to do laundry and do some of those normal tasks life requires. Grad class went well. We are working on a project that stresses me out just because I feel so completely out of my element that I'm not sure how to continue through it but since it is a group project it somehow works out. The only downside of Monday was that grad class goes till 9, which means I didn't get home until 9:20ish and then still had a few things to do before bed.
Tuesday: Another typical day that felt longer than it should. I woke up exhausted even after sleep well all night. School was again good, slightly busier than usual but that just kept me doing things. Between jobs I crashed for a little while. I sat down and watched a tv show on my computer and then laid down for 30 minutes and completely passed out. I never do that when I nap, and I rarely try to nap, so that shows how tired I was. Work after that was okay. Right before our staff meeting I felt like I got something in my eye which was really annoying but I just kind of figured it would work itself out and that it wasn't a big deal. We had the staff meeting, which makes for a slightly longer than normal night but it went alright and I made it home a little after 8. I was physically drained, emotionally in a few different states of feeling, and mentally exhausted.
Wednesday: I again woke up tired, and still had something in my eye which was really painful. I made it through school but went straight to the doctor to get it looked at. Turns out I had a pencil shaving under my eyelid. One of the few work related injuries I can think of teachers getting. It felt significantly better once it was out. I ended up being a little late for work which was frustrating but things went smoothly. On Wednesdays I teach until 7:30. I just have to say that sometimes doing/teaching math for 9 hours a day is hard. By 7 I'm a little brain-dead and trying to teach pre-calc at that point is always interesting. After work I tried to relax but was starting to stress out about the amount of homework I have due Monday and just how I've been feeling. Not to mention I was fighting migraine level pain all day and it was seriously worse than I wanted to be dealing with. A good friend called me and made me get some of my thoughts out and made sure I was doing okay, but it was a rough night for sure.
Thursday: I woke up in a lot of pain again, which isn't new, just not something that is easy to deal with. School again went rather well. There were a few kids that were getting on my nerves but it was towards the end of my time there so it wasn't a big deal. Between jobs I got a chiropractic adjustment and a massage. It was a deal I got online and it was nice. My muscles were definitely looser afterwards but my headache was just as bad as normal. Work was alright. I was really frustrated because I was supposed to meet with my bosses again to discuss some of my concerns and just general business stuff but they had to reschedule, which shouldn't surprise me but it just added to my annoyances and frustrations with the whole situation. After work I talked with my group for our grad school project (the one that has been annoying me) for about an hour to discuss our next step. We did this because we had to email our professor that night with our next step (yay last minute work). I didn't end up getting to bed until 11-ish which doesn't sound like that, but I've been running on between 5 1/2 and 6 1/2 hours of sleep each night all week.
Friday (today): Another day with slightly less work and more "free" time. Work at school went well. It was a little weird because the kids had a pep rally at the end of the day for Homecoming so the schedule was mixed up more than usual but in general it was a pretty normal day. After work I came home and was actually productive! It was something I knew needed to happen but was kind of hard to do. I bought renters insurance, unpacked more kitchen stuff and did a load of dishes, set up a few things on the computer, and read over half of one of the crazy long articles for class. Then I ate dinner and tried to relax for 40 minutes before going into work. Old Navy was super busy tonight! I spent 3 1/2 hour folding clothing, which is as mindless as it sounds and is honestly wonderful! I have a few great coworkers which make it fun and not having to be really in charge of anything is super nice! Plus it's an easy job. I've still been in a lot of pain tonight which is hard. Most of my friends are camping, really close to where I was last weekend, but makes it hard. I can't be social because everyone is gone and I couldn't go because I couldn't get another weekend off work. I have enough homework to keep me busy so I'm not too worried about it, but I miss being around people regularly.
The rest of the weekend hold 8 hours of work tomorrow (Mathnasium and Old Navy) and then a large amount of homework. Most of tomorrow and Sunday will be spent doing homework. Since I don't have work at school on Monday I am hoping to be able to do some cooking and baking on Monday before class. I really want to make something in the new mixer my parents got me for my birthday!
Back to all of my crazy thoughts. I'm struggling with all of the physical pain. It's been pretty bad for a while now and I'm just having a hard time functioning through it. I don't have any choice but to do it, but it's not easy. What makes it harder is that it isn't something I can explain to people. No one can truly understand what it feels like to deal with it in less they are living through it. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve it, and whether or not I can continue to live like this. More often I wonder if it'll ever get better and if there is any relief in sight.
I'm also trying to work through feelings about work and more generally what my future holds. I love working at school! I would love to have a full time teaching position but until that happens I'll take this position! The Math Lab is a lot of fun, I get great interactions and relationship with kids, I teach math for 5 hours a day without having to prepare or grade anything, and it's just enjoyable! Mathnasium is stressing me out. As much as I like the kids there is a lot of politics and drama that is making me question whether or not everything I put into it is worth it. The next few weeks/months will hopefully answer that question for me but it leaves me feeling very unsure.
Right now I just feel overwhelmed with things. I know next week will be even busier because I need to do a few full days at school and then go straight to work afterwards which will make for 12 hour days. I'm just hoping that at some point over the weekend my headache will stop being quite so bad and that I will be able to relax for a little bit. I just want to not feel like I'm trying to claw my way out of a deep, dark hole.
Life isn't as depressing as it sounds, I promise! I know I have a few friends, a few jobs that allow me to pay all of my bills, and the ability to think for myself. The weather should be great the next few days, and I will make something delicious this weekend!
Monday: The beginning of the week always seems easy, and it is my "lightest" day. Work at school went well, nothing out of the ordinary, and then I had a few hours to do laundry and do some of those normal tasks life requires. Grad class went well. We are working on a project that stresses me out just because I feel so completely out of my element that I'm not sure how to continue through it but since it is a group project it somehow works out. The only downside of Monday was that grad class goes till 9, which means I didn't get home until 9:20ish and then still had a few things to do before bed.
Tuesday: Another typical day that felt longer than it should. I woke up exhausted even after sleep well all night. School was again good, slightly busier than usual but that just kept me doing things. Between jobs I crashed for a little while. I sat down and watched a tv show on my computer and then laid down for 30 minutes and completely passed out. I never do that when I nap, and I rarely try to nap, so that shows how tired I was. Work after that was okay. Right before our staff meeting I felt like I got something in my eye which was really annoying but I just kind of figured it would work itself out and that it wasn't a big deal. We had the staff meeting, which makes for a slightly longer than normal night but it went alright and I made it home a little after 8. I was physically drained, emotionally in a few different states of feeling, and mentally exhausted.
Wednesday: I again woke up tired, and still had something in my eye which was really painful. I made it through school but went straight to the doctor to get it looked at. Turns out I had a pencil shaving under my eyelid. One of the few work related injuries I can think of teachers getting. It felt significantly better once it was out. I ended up being a little late for work which was frustrating but things went smoothly. On Wednesdays I teach until 7:30. I just have to say that sometimes doing/teaching math for 9 hours a day is hard. By 7 I'm a little brain-dead and trying to teach pre-calc at that point is always interesting. After work I tried to relax but was starting to stress out about the amount of homework I have due Monday and just how I've been feeling. Not to mention I was fighting migraine level pain all day and it was seriously worse than I wanted to be dealing with. A good friend called me and made me get some of my thoughts out and made sure I was doing okay, but it was a rough night for sure.
Thursday: I woke up in a lot of pain again, which isn't new, just not something that is easy to deal with. School again went rather well. There were a few kids that were getting on my nerves but it was towards the end of my time there so it wasn't a big deal. Between jobs I got a chiropractic adjustment and a massage. It was a deal I got online and it was nice. My muscles were definitely looser afterwards but my headache was just as bad as normal. Work was alright. I was really frustrated because I was supposed to meet with my bosses again to discuss some of my concerns and just general business stuff but they had to reschedule, which shouldn't surprise me but it just added to my annoyances and frustrations with the whole situation. After work I talked with my group for our grad school project (the one that has been annoying me) for about an hour to discuss our next step. We did this because we had to email our professor that night with our next step (yay last minute work). I didn't end up getting to bed until 11-ish which doesn't sound like that, but I've been running on between 5 1/2 and 6 1/2 hours of sleep each night all week.
Friday (today): Another day with slightly less work and more "free" time. Work at school went well. It was a little weird because the kids had a pep rally at the end of the day for Homecoming so the schedule was mixed up more than usual but in general it was a pretty normal day. After work I came home and was actually productive! It was something I knew needed to happen but was kind of hard to do. I bought renters insurance, unpacked more kitchen stuff and did a load of dishes, set up a few things on the computer, and read over half of one of the crazy long articles for class. Then I ate dinner and tried to relax for 40 minutes before going into work. Old Navy was super busy tonight! I spent 3 1/2 hour folding clothing, which is as mindless as it sounds and is honestly wonderful! I have a few great coworkers which make it fun and not having to be really in charge of anything is super nice! Plus it's an easy job. I've still been in a lot of pain tonight which is hard. Most of my friends are camping, really close to where I was last weekend, but makes it hard. I can't be social because everyone is gone and I couldn't go because I couldn't get another weekend off work. I have enough homework to keep me busy so I'm not too worried about it, but I miss being around people regularly.
The rest of the weekend hold 8 hours of work tomorrow (Mathnasium and Old Navy) and then a large amount of homework. Most of tomorrow and Sunday will be spent doing homework. Since I don't have work at school on Monday I am hoping to be able to do some cooking and baking on Monday before class. I really want to make something in the new mixer my parents got me for my birthday!
Back to all of my crazy thoughts. I'm struggling with all of the physical pain. It's been pretty bad for a while now and I'm just having a hard time functioning through it. I don't have any choice but to do it, but it's not easy. What makes it harder is that it isn't something I can explain to people. No one can truly understand what it feels like to deal with it in less they are living through it. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve it, and whether or not I can continue to live like this. More often I wonder if it'll ever get better and if there is any relief in sight.
I'm also trying to work through feelings about work and more generally what my future holds. I love working at school! I would love to have a full time teaching position but until that happens I'll take this position! The Math Lab is a lot of fun, I get great interactions and relationship with kids, I teach math for 5 hours a day without having to prepare or grade anything, and it's just enjoyable! Mathnasium is stressing me out. As much as I like the kids there is a lot of politics and drama that is making me question whether or not everything I put into it is worth it. The next few weeks/months will hopefully answer that question for me but it leaves me feeling very unsure.
Right now I just feel overwhelmed with things. I know next week will be even busier because I need to do a few full days at school and then go straight to work afterwards which will make for 12 hour days. I'm just hoping that at some point over the weekend my headache will stop being quite so bad and that I will be able to relax for a little bit. I just want to not feel like I'm trying to claw my way out of a deep, dark hole.
Life isn't as depressing as it sounds, I promise! I know I have a few friends, a few jobs that allow me to pay all of my bills, and the ability to think for myself. The weather should be great the next few days, and I will make something delicious this weekend!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Another Book Finished
The math lab has been busier on average each day, and my homework has started to take over my down time when it isn't busy but somehow I've still been able to find some time to read.
Today I finished Something, Maybe by Elizabeth Scott. This is another teen based book, a fun and easy read that let me escape into someone else's drama occasionally. The premise is kind of dull. A girl with a really weird family background; her Mom who works as an online "web star" wearing little clothing, and a "Dad" who is mainly out of the pictures except for when he isn't ( and then is just making things even more stressful) and who makes his living being surrounded by pretty young girls who are always around him. But Hannah is just trying to blend in and get through high school. There are two boys at work who treat her differently and lead to a weird (but expected) twist at the end of the story. I wish there had been a little bit more at the end of the story, giving more substance to what was just starting. The book was good for an escape but didn't have much substance.
Next on my list of books to read is My Prison, My Home by my great aunt Haleh Esfandiari who was imprisoned in Iran a few years ago. I'm curious to read the book and get a little bit more insight into my families past and heritage in Iran.
Today I finished Something, Maybe by Elizabeth Scott. This is another teen based book, a fun and easy read that let me escape into someone else's drama occasionally. The premise is kind of dull. A girl with a really weird family background; her Mom who works as an online "web star" wearing little clothing, and a "Dad" who is mainly out of the pictures except for when he isn't ( and then is just making things even more stressful) and who makes his living being surrounded by pretty young girls who are always around him. But Hannah is just trying to blend in and get through high school. There are two boys at work who treat her differently and lead to a weird (but expected) twist at the end of the story. I wish there had been a little bit more at the end of the story, giving more substance to what was just starting. The book was good for an escape but didn't have much substance.
Next on my list of books to read is My Prison, My Home by my great aunt Haleh Esfandiari who was imprisoned in Iran a few years ago. I'm curious to read the book and get a little bit more insight into my families past and heritage in Iran.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
What a weekend!!
Last weekend was busy moving, then this week was full of work and unpacking and trying not to lose my mind. This weekend was just as busy but with wonderful things!
Thursday my parents came up from NJ to see my brother and I and to help us get settled into our new places. They took us out to dinner Thursday night when I was done with work. It was great to see them. It was only a month and a half ago that we saw them last, but it was nice to have them back in town here and not having to drive down there. After dinner we unloaded everything my parents got from me at IKEA and the random stuff at their place that they brought for me to have.
Friday I worked at school like usual and then came back to the apartment and my parents came over to help me set some of the things up. We put blinds up, put my dresser and entertainment center together, my Mom unpacked my kitchen for me (finally), and we just spent time talking and organizing. It was a very nice afternoon. After they left to get dinner with friends I did a little more unpacking and organizing, ran a few errands, and packed for the wedding. I hung out with a friend and watched a movie and just tried to relax for a little while.
Saturday was a whirlwind of activity. I met my parents and brother for breakfast and then left for camp! I picked up a friend along the way and then we went to Melody Lodge for lunch. We enjoyed a nice lunch and then headed to camp to get changed for the wedding. This picture is a view from the parking lot at Melody's looking out over a lake.
Now let me explain this to you, yesterday there was a high of 50 degrees in Speculator, NY. Therefore it was a cold wedding! We all still looked cute while being warm which worked out nicely. The wedding itself was beautiful! The chapel was decorated nicely, the ceremony was traditional, loving, and truly heartfelt. And the party after was a blast!! They filled the dinning hall with gorgeously decorated tables and a nice buffet for dinner and a good size area for us to dance in! It was awesome to sit and socialize with friends, especially those that I hadn't seen for a few years. We all had a great time, eating, drinking, dancing, and being merry! The picture is of our table decoration!
We headed back to the cabin to go to bed and froze! We could see our breaths and were in layers! I slept in tights, sweatpants, socks, a tank top, long sleeve shirt, and fleece jacket all inside my sleeping bag with a thin fleece blanket on top. I was plenty warm once I was in there, but having to get up in the morning was not pleasant! Sadly a few of my friends got a stomach bug/food poisoning (we aren't sure which) so it was a bit of a rough night with not a lot of sleep, but it was worth it overall.
This morning we ended up leaving around 10. We were considering hiking but it was cold, rainy, and we had sick friends so that went out the window pretty quickly. I got home a little after 1, took a nap, showered, ate some dinner, and spent the rest of the night doing homework. I always seem to forget how long homework can take, but it all got done!
As for the rest of this week, it should be back to a "normal" work schedule and this weekend I'll just be working and laying low. Most of my friends are going camping but I couldn't get another weekend off of work, so I'll be baking something yummy and hopefully find something new to try to make for dinner.
Thursday my parents came up from NJ to see my brother and I and to help us get settled into our new places. They took us out to dinner Thursday night when I was done with work. It was great to see them. It was only a month and a half ago that we saw them last, but it was nice to have them back in town here and not having to drive down there. After dinner we unloaded everything my parents got from me at IKEA and the random stuff at their place that they brought for me to have.
Friday I worked at school like usual and then came back to the apartment and my parents came over to help me set some of the things up. We put blinds up, put my dresser and entertainment center together, my Mom unpacked my kitchen for me (finally), and we just spent time talking and organizing. It was a very nice afternoon. After they left to get dinner with friends I did a little more unpacking and organizing, ran a few errands, and packed for the wedding. I hung out with a friend and watched a movie and just tried to relax for a little while.
Saturday was a whirlwind of activity. I met my parents and brother for breakfast and then left for camp! I picked up a friend along the way and then we went to Melody Lodge for lunch. We enjoyed a nice lunch and then headed to camp to get changed for the wedding. This picture is a view from the parking lot at Melody's looking out over a lake.
Now let me explain this to you, yesterday there was a high of 50 degrees in Speculator, NY. Therefore it was a cold wedding! We all still looked cute while being warm which worked out nicely. The wedding itself was beautiful! The chapel was decorated nicely, the ceremony was traditional, loving, and truly heartfelt. And the party after was a blast!! They filled the dinning hall with gorgeously decorated tables and a nice buffet for dinner and a good size area for us to dance in! It was awesome to sit and socialize with friends, especially those that I hadn't seen for a few years. We all had a great time, eating, drinking, dancing, and being merry! The picture is of our table decoration!
We headed back to the cabin to go to bed and froze! We could see our breaths and were in layers! I slept in tights, sweatpants, socks, a tank top, long sleeve shirt, and fleece jacket all inside my sleeping bag with a thin fleece blanket on top. I was plenty warm once I was in there, but having to get up in the morning was not pleasant! Sadly a few of my friends got a stomach bug/food poisoning (we aren't sure which) so it was a bit of a rough night with not a lot of sleep, but it was worth it overall.
This morning we ended up leaving around 10. We were considering hiking but it was cold, rainy, and we had sick friends so that went out the window pretty quickly. I got home a little after 1, took a nap, showered, ate some dinner, and spent the rest of the night doing homework. I always seem to forget how long homework can take, but it all got done!
As for the rest of this week, it should be back to a "normal" work schedule and this weekend I'll just be working and laying low. Most of my friends are going camping but I couldn't get another weekend off of work, so I'll be baking something yummy and hopefully find something new to try to make for dinner.
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