Urgl!

Yes, that tends to be my groan/noise of frustration and right now it's running rampant through my head!

I'm frustrated on so many levels, I didn't even realize it was possible!

Work at the high school is going beautifully and I have no complaints there. I love my job and the kids I work with!

I'm busy still unpacking and trying to get my apartment set up and in order. I keep feeling like I will have plenty of time to get things figured out, and then I remember a bunch of little errands I need to do, and the time I thought I had isn't there anymore.

Work at Mathnasium is what is really frustrating me! I obviously can't go into it on here, but I'm quickly learning that even as I try to stand up for myself and my coworkers it isn't very helpful, or appreciated or respected fully. There is the chance that things might change, but how I am continually treated seems to outweigh the possibilities of the future.

After work I came home and had to set up my wireless network and router, which should have been easy but for some reason things didn't feel like working correctly. Luckily I walked through it all with my Dad on the phone but it was annoying in general.

Not to mention the fact that my head has decided maybe getting worse on a consistent basis would be a good idea. I haven't started my new medicine yet (still waiting for the prescription to be filled) but in general being in constant, worsening pain, is not making things any easier to handle.

There are a few positives though. I'm getting lunch with an old friend tomorrow and I know that will be mentally, and emotionally beneficial for me, as well as fun. My parents are coming into town this weekend (getting here Thursday night) which should be great. I haven't seen them in a little bit and it will be nice to have them here, instead of having to travel to NJ to see them. I also have a friends wedding to go to up at camp on Saturday which I'm super excited for!

I'm really just hoping that I can suppress/overcome my current frustrations and enjoy things.

Oh doctors...

Well it is time to update you all on the joys of chronic daily headache syndrome and my search for answers.

My hematologist came back and told me that my blood work is all normal except for the b12 deficiency. But that is easily managed with my monthly shots, so that was good news. Nothing to worry about as long as a take my b12 as directed!

I haven't been to a neurologist since I graduated college in 09. I basically gave up trying after that doctor told me "we've tried everything there is to try, and your just holding steady, so there isn't anything more I can do for you." Yep, being given up on by a doctor is really encouraging. Plus I was sick of trying different medications hoping for answers.

So today, I put aside my doubts and annoyances from previous doctors and met with another neurologist in town. To say I was anxious would be an understatement. For some reason doctors just make me nervous. I wasn't sure what to expect, but it went alright. She is a nice doctor and had looked through my information enough to know that I've jumped through a lot of hoops. I gave her the list of medications that I've already tried, and she was a little shocked by the length of it (almost 30). She also looked at my various CT and MRI reports. We talked for almost 40 minutes and she concluded that I am normal neurologically except for the headaches. She did tell me about an article she read that stated most people in my age group that suffer from daily chronic headaches tend to have them go away but that there is no way of knowing when or if that will happen, but that a majority of the the time, they will run it's course and just go away. While that is kind of reassuring it isn't a definite answer and it doesn't tell me how much longer I might be in pain. It also brings me back to the debate about whether or not I should hope for no pain or just be content to be in less pain and better able to function.

At the end she straight out told me that I have tried all of the basic medications that are used to treat these types of headaches. There are only a few classes of medications that are used and I've tried multiple things from each class. To hear that was kind of frustrating but I knew it was coming based on what my previous neurologist had told me. It came down to her deciding if it was worth jumping out of those typical classes and trying something totally different and kind of out of the blue or to just try something similar to, or exactly what I tried before. There aren't many things out there that would be new, so I'm going back to one of the first medications I tried in the beginning of this ordeal. She is hoping that my body has changed enough and that maybe it will effect me differently that it did almost 6 years ago. I was on a very high dose when I took it the last time and she thinks that it was too high which is why I had so many side effects (yay no appetite and weight loss). So instead of 100-200mg doses, I'm starting at 25mg and then tapering up to 50mg per day. This is in addition to the medication I'm already on. Who knows what will happen. I'm willing to try it for a while. I go back to see her in January and to see if anything has changed.

Am I hopeful that things will get better or change? Honestly not really. I've been on the medication before and it didn't work, but I do understand her logic that my body and headaches may have changed and may react to it now. I'm frustrated knowing that I've pretty much exhausted all of my options. I'm sick of being in pain and not being able to do the things that I want to, when I want to do them. Moving and unpacking while in extreme pain was not fun, but I didn't have a choice. As much as I have a high tolerance to pain, it would be nice to not have to limit myself, to not have to put a smile on my face and pretend everything is okay. Someday I would love to be pain free, or at least be completely honest with the people around me about what I'm experiencing but that hasn't happened for a while and I'm not too optimistic.

Busy Weekend!!

Who knew so much could happen in just a few days.

Work went fine the rest of last week. Things were busy as usual but nothing too out of the ordinary. I'm still waiting to talk with my bosses to look for some solutions to the concerns that I have, but hopefully it will happen in the next few days.

Friday I got home around 2pm and started packing. Let's just say I was shocked that I owned so much stuff. I always forget how much I can accumulate in a year, and how much I keep that I really should just throw away. So for about 8 hours on Friday I did just that. I went through boxes that had been in the basement since I moved in and actually threw things out. Notes from college and high school aren't something I need to have taking up space so I threw them out. I went through all of my clothing and found 2 bags worth of stuff to donate because I don't really wear it. And I packed up my room, which was a lot of stuff.

Saturday, I got up and packed the stuff in the kitchen in about an hour and a half. I'm not sure how everything got done, but it did, and in time for a bunch of amazing friends to come help me move everything. 6 friends helped me move! We had a minivan and 4 cars and all of my stuff fit in only one load. We moved quickly, everything packed into cars, driven over to the new place, and unpacked into the apartment in an hour and a half. I was amazed how much we were able to get done and how quickly it all happened. I was also overwhelmed with how much stuff I had to now unpack!

After a nice lunch (of mainly breakfast food) out with friends I started the unpacking process. I got my bed set up and then got the rest of the furniture in my room in place before getting ready to have dinner and hang out with friends. It was a nice break to be able to eat and play games with some great people! I definitely needed to get out of the mess of packing/moving/unpacking for a few hours and just be social!

Sunday it was back to unpacking and trying to make at least my room habitable. I was quite successful! I got 8 hours of sleep and started unpacking right away. By lunch time I had clothing hung in the closet and my books on the bookshelves. By dinner time my room was fully unpacked and I was working on homework for grad school. Below are a few pictures of my room.

This is from the doorway of my room. So when you walk in your are directly across from the window and my bed and bookshelf are off to the right.

This is a picture from my closet. At the end of my bed there is some space and then the closet. Looking diagonally across the room you see the window, my desk, and the same bookshelf from the picture above.

I was standing right by the window when I took this picture. There will be a dresser where the bags and piles of stuff are. My parents are stopping by IKEA on there way here this weekend and picking me up a dresser among other things! You can also see where the closet it to give you some perspective in the room.

Last picture for now, but this one is from my bed towards the door. Yes another bookcase full of books! I got rid of 4 bags of books and yet still have a lot! 

There you have it. I'm still unpacking the kitchen over the next few days but hope to have things pretty much set up by this weekend. I have some amazing friends and have been blessed by them beyond belief! Thank you all so much!

Good News and Stress!

Well yesterday I was approved for our new apartment and today we signed the lease and got the keys! Over the next few days, and then throughout the weekend, I plan to move in and get things settled! It's exciting, but packing and moving is stressful and kind of annoying. I always forget how much stuff I have until I start packing. It will be a long week but everything will get packed and moved or donated soon.

Work at Mathnasium is still stressing me out. I've come to terms with some things and I have a plan to deal with other stresses, it is just going to be a process.

School is going well. The new teacher I am working with is nice and she has jumped right in and is doing well. It's been good to be working with students who respect me but are also real and have conversations with me.

Well that is a short life update. More this weekend, with pictures of the new place and the moving process!

A meal full of friends!

Well today was enjoyable. Last night was difficult, I'm not still not back to a normal pain level or a relatively tolerable frustration level. Really I'm still trying to get over things, and not think about it but that is harder than I'd like to admit.

So instead I spent my day surrounded by food of some sort or another.

I woke up this morning and made a chocolate swirl cheesecake. The recipe is below. I have spent a few years making this cheesecake, and I learned the recipe from my Dad. My parents have admitted that I now make it better than he does which was quite flattering because my Dad is an amazing cook and I love almost everything he makes.

Chocolate Swirl Cheesecake
Ingredients:
Crust:
1 pack cinnamon graham crackers (you can get gluten free ones but they aren't very good. I just don't eat the crust)
1/2 cup sugar
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
6-8 tsp. melted butter

Filling:
3 packs cream cheese (at room temperature)
1 cup sugar
3 Tbsp. flour (I use white rice flour to make it gluten free)
3 eggs (at room temperature)
2 Tbsp. heavy cream
2 tsp. vanilla.
1/2 cup semisweet chocolate melted (1 cup if you want just a chocolate cheesecake)

Topping:
3/4 cup sour cream
1 tsp. vanilla
1 1/2 Tbsp. sugar

Directions:
Crust:
Crush the graham crackers finely. Mix with sugar and cinnamon. Add butter and work together with hands to form a semi-moist consistency that will stick together. Press into a spring form pan, going half an inch up the sides.

Filling:
-Preheat over to 300 degrees with a water bath (9x13 pan half filled with water) on the lower level of the oven (this helps prevent cracking).
-Beat cream cheese until smooth.
-Add sugar and flour. Beat until fluffy.
-Add eggs, one at a time mixing well in between.
-Beat in vanilla and cream.
- If making without chocolate just pour it into the crust now. If doing a chocolate swirl: melt chocolate and add half of the batter into the chocolate and mix well. Now layer each type on the pan. I usually just put a cup or two of each type in and make layers. Occasionally evening it out with a spatula. If you want to just make it a chocolate cheesecake add the melted chocolate with the sugar and flour step.
- Bake 60-65 minutes. Remove and cool on a rack 10 minutes.
- Run a small spatula or knife between the sides of the cake and the pan to loosen.
- Put topping on the cheesecake (see below) while it is still hot (within 15 minutes of when it comes out of the oven).

Topping:
Mix all ingredients together until smooth. Spread over the top of the cheesecake while it is hot. Chill the cheesecake before serving (best done in the morning for the evening or over night).

As you can see it goes quickly!!!

After finishing the cheesecake I actually got ready for the rest of my day. Every little actions really ended up having to do with food. I got lunch with my lovely friend Meghan. It's her birthday today and she wanted Chipotle for lunch so we went there and talked for a while. It was quite nice to be out of the house and seeing her.

When I got home I had to start cooking dinner. Tonight was my first of what will be monthly dinner parties with friends. As part of my 25 before 25 list I will be hosting dinner for my friends once a month. Since I will be moving soon this had to be done this weekend if it was going to happen in September. I wanted to make something that I could also eat for left overs this week. It's been kind of cold lately and I was a bit homesick so I made Khorese Lubia, an Iranian stew that my Dad always makes, and rice cooked the Iranian way. We also had salad, bread, and wine! It was quite enjoyable. It felt good to cook for people and welcome them into my house. Plus it finally gave me a way to see friends despite being in pain (which was almost as bad as last night). I spent a good deal of time in the kitchen but it was relaxing and a total labor of love! So here are the recipes. Sorry no pictures. We dove right in once it was done and I forgot to take any. I will try to get some of my leftovers later this week.

Iranian Style Rice
Directions:
-Take 2-4 cups of long grain, parboiled rice, not instant!!! (I used 4 cups of rice and fed 10 people with it and had a little left over). Rinse it 3-5 times in warm water. This helps to get some of the extra starch out.
-Soak the rice in cold, salted water for at least 3 hours.
-Drain the rice and add it to boiling water (it needs to be a hard rolling boil).
-Cook 10 minutes in the boiling water (until a grain of rice is squeezed between your fingers will flatten but stay together).
-Drain the rice, and rinse it with cold water to cool it down.
-Add 6 tablespoons of butter and 3 tablespoons of cold water to the pan and let it melt.
-Add the rice, making a mound. Put a double layer of paper towel between the top and the pot. This makes sure the moisture stays in. Don't open the lid once you've done this until the rice is done.
-Cook 8-10 minutes on medium-high and then rotate the pan 180 degrees and cook another 8-10 minutes. This will form what is called Tadig (pronounced ta-deek). It is a crunchy layer of rice! During this time you will hear popping and crackling but that is normal.
-Lower the heat to med-low and cook for an hour. This steams the rice and makes it really moist!!

Khorese Lubia:
Ingredients:
4 Tbsp butter
1 lb. Stew meat
1 large onion
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
1/2 tsp cinnamon
2 cups water
3-4 tsp. lemon juice
1/2 small can of tomato paste
2- 15 1/2 oz cans of french style green beans

Directions:
-Brown meat, onions, salt, pepper, and cinnamon in the butter. Cook thoroughly.
-Add water and lemon juice (Start with 3 tsp. of lemon juice and check for flavor towards the end of cooking).
-Simmer for 2 hours.
-About 30 minutes before serving add the tomato paste. Bring back to a boil in order to break up the tomato paste. Reduce back to a simmer.
-10 minutes before serving add the green beans (drain the water out of the can first) and heat until everything is warmed through.
-Serve over rice and enjoy!

It was a long day and a lot of time spent in the kitchen but it was totally worth it. My friends came over and we enjoyed a good meal, played a game, and just talked for a while. I felt good knowing that I could give something back to my friends, and they seemed to enjoy it as well. I'm looking forward to next month. Not sure what I will make, but I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Tomorrow I'm back to school to work, and to grad school. I'm only working 5 hours a day at school now so that will hopefully be a good change. We are still waiting to hear from the apartment complex we applied to but hopefully all will go through there and I will be moving this coming weekend. With that being said I need to clean my room and pack up my life this week!!

Frustration and Pain

You'd think after over 6 1/2 years of constant pain I'd know how to handle it and could just work through it and not let it effect me. As much as I wish that was the case it isn't true, which is why I am so frustrated right now. I will preface this whole post with this statement: it is a rant about and being in more pain than I can handle while wanting to be normal.

Today I worked 10-2 at Mathnasium and then 3-7 at Old Navy. Today was just long! I woke up feeling energized and in general pretty good. Work this morning just frustrated me because I couldn't focus on anything to save my life (and I have no idea why) plus I couldn't get the things I needed to done because my boss was in the way and not giving me time. In between jobs I ran a quick errand and then jumped right back into work at Old Navy. Now Old Navy is my "mindless" job. I truly enjoy working there because I have very little responsibility. I just have to be kind and help customers, fold/hang clothing quickly and properly, and make change accurately. It is simple and I work with some amazing people! My shift was fine, but by the end of it I was tired and didn't feel like looking for random things to do there since it was slow. Once I left I stopped at TJ Maxx to get a pot that would be big enough for me to make tomorrows meal in and then I went to Wegmans to go grocery shopping. I needed to get a bunch of stuff for the dinner I'm making tomorrow and for the week in general. By the time I got home it was 8pm.

Here is where the frustration comes out. A group of my friends were going to see live music tonight. I really wanted to be able to go with them. I'm trying to be more outgoing and to meet new people or at least see my friends more regularly. I got home and had to make a hard decision. Would my head let me sit through a few hours of loud music and I quickly figured out that the answer was no. I can barely handle the low music I have playing now and the fact that my light is on makes me want to hide. It isn't a migraine, but my body is attacking me for everything I am putting it through. I worked 60 hours this week, I averaged 6.5 hours of sleep a night, and the weather/pressure is changing which means that my body hates me. I'm so sick of being limited because of what my "head can handle." More than anything I want to be out with my friends right now, but I know I'd be miserable and that I wouldn't be able to function at all the rest of the night or most of tomorrow if I went. How is this a fair trade off? A few hours with friends for 24-36 hours of even worse pain. Why do I have to choose? I'm so sick of dealing with this. What I wouldn't give to be "normal" for a day. The only times I've been pain-free have been when I'm on strong medicine and can't function, which means it isn't anymore normal that being in pain. I'll be honest, I'm sitting here crying because I can't do what I want and because the pain is so bad. And the vicious cycle is that by crying I'm making my headache worse.

There are so many questions that I have regarding my headaches, especially when I'm put in situations like this. I try not to let them creep into my head. I've spent so long trying to ignore them and not let them run my life, but sometimes I just have to say it and get them out, if for no other reason than if they aren't just in my head and actually out there then maybe they won't plague me so much.
- Why do I have to deal with so much pain?
- What did I do to deserve this?
- Is anything I try ever going to work?
- Is it worth it to just do what I want and be with my friends anyway?
- Is there a better way to handle the pain and the stress of it?
- What's the point?!

Tonight is just a bad night. I know that it will most likely get a little better soon. It'll go back to my normal level of pain by tomorrow or in a few days, but for tonight I'm just trying to make it through. I go to a new neurologist on the 26th. Do I think she'll find a magic cure or think of something new to try, not really, I just know I haven't seen one in 2 years and there is a chance that something might work. I'm honestly trying not to get my hopes up because it hurts even more to have them crushed when whatever new thing I'm trying ends up not working. I try to keep some form of hope and believe that someday I might find a way to escape the pain or have it go away completely but it is really hard to do.

I know this wasn't a happy post by any means and I'm sorry, but when all of your friends are out and can't talk, or listen, I needed to find a way to get some of these emotions out so that I didn't burst. Tomorrow I'm hosting my first of what I hope will be monthly meals for friends. I will be cooking a traditional Iranian stew and having friends over to enjoy it. I'm looking forward to sleeping in and actually having a full day off! Plus I get to cook and share a meal with friends. I know it will be a good day, and no matter what I will not let the pain get in the way.

Quick and easy read!

Today was particularly slow at school. For some reason Fridays are never quite as busy as the rest of the week. I was able to finish another book which was a plus!

The Summer I Turned Pretty by Jenny Han is a lighthearted book about what summer can hold for a young teenage girl. Each summer Belly goes to a beach house with her family and her Mom's best friend's family. The story is about the twists and turns that the summer of her sixteenth birthday holds. She flashes back to how past summers were and then details new friends, old loves, and sadness. It is a really easy, quick read. Pretty "fluffy" but it was a decent book. I probably won't read the other ones in the series but it was a good time filler. 

The past few crazy days!

Wow have the past few days been busy. I feel like a lot has happened. The weekends always seem to fly by and as long as school days are they tend to be so full that I don't even realize how much I've done.

Monday I started my first graduate class at St. John Fisher College. I'm going to get my Masters in math education. The class I'm taking right now is called Inquiry in the Classroom. As much as that sounds like a vague and convoluted name for a class it is exactly what we are doing and talking about. Our first task was to get into groups of 3 or 4, go outside and using a bunch of seemingly random tools (meter stick, 16 ft of string, protractor, measuring tape, cup, straw, dry erase marker, and mirror) find the height of the steeple on top of one of the buildings on campus. They gave us an hour to find an answer and then we regrouped and shared how we found our answers with the rest of the class. It was nice to be given no real direction and "fend for ourselves". Later in the class we worked with other groups and made predictions and tested them in a lab about density, volume, and displacement of items in water. So far the course seems to be very student centered. It is a good reminder of how to work with students and help them to problem solve and think for themselves. And on a totally random note, 2 of the girls in my class (of maybe 20 people total) did gymnastics with me during high school... talk about a small world!

Not getting done with class until 9pm makes it nearly impossible to have a 10 o'clock bedtime. Once I got home I called my parents to ask a few simple questions which lead to an hour long discussion about work at school and at Mathnasium as well as my grad class. My mom is working in a kindergarten class this school year so it was fun to hear her talk about her kids and all of the activities she is doing in the classroom. I ended up venting about my frustrations at Mathnasium. The short version of that situation is that I have no real job description but am given work that needs to get done and basically told that it's my job. I'm slowly figuring out what I need to do to make the situation less stressful for me and yet still have a positive working relationship with my bosses. Needless to say after talking with my mom about the situation I was even more frustrated and stressed out about everything. I eventually made it to bed and was able to get a good nights sleep, but it was a very long Monday.

Tuesday was a long day of school/work. I'm slowly adjusting to running on between 6 and 7 hours of sleep a night. My body isn't thrilled about it and working 12 hour days doesn't help, but that will be ending soon. There are only 2 correlations I've truly found with my headaches. 1- If I get less sleep, my head hurts more. 2- If the weather is changing (mainly the pressure, ie a thunderstorm rolling through) my head hurts more. So not getting a lot of sleep plus weird Rochester weather has put me in slightly more pain the past few days, but that's life!

School has been going really well so far. I averaged 10 kids the first few days of school and Tuesday I had almost 30. It's been great seeing students again from last year. The math is mainly review for kids but some of them can't remember the basics. It's been nice to actually teach concepts and know students are understanding what they are working on. Once it gets busier this is harder to see, at least on a daily basis. On an even more positive note they have found someone to help me out during the day. This means that starting on Monday there will be 2 of us there for the lunch periods which are always busiest. I will work from 7:30-12:30 each day. While it is a cut in hours it will save my sanity by not leaving me alone with 15-20 kids who all need my help at the same time and by giving me a break each day between jobs. I'm excited to meet my new coworker on Monday and to see how it goes. Really, I'm just glad that the kids have somewhere to go during the day to get the help they need and that I get to teach algebra through pre-calc and AP stats!!

After work last night I was able to vent to a friend and get some good ideas about how to handle the situation at Mathnasium. It was good to just talk openly about the stresses in my life (work, headaches, moving etc.). I don't open up easily but I'm trying to work on that. Every once in a while I get pushed enough to let most of my thoughts out and I feel much healthier after those times. Last night was a reminder of that and it pushed me to face some of the things that are easier to keep buried deep inside my head and heart.

Today was a typical day, work at school and then work at Mathnasium. I'm really trying not to let me stress and frustration about things happening at work to impact my time with the students while I'm there. I think I've done a good job separating them so far, but I need to find a way to simplify what is happening there before the kids suffer.

The next few days should be pretty normal. I'm hoping to have friends over for a meal this weekend sometime and to hear from the place where I filled out an application for an apartment sometime soon. If I'm lucky I might even have a few hours to relax!

Another awesome book!

When school is slow I have a lot of time read. Since I never know how many kids will show up, or when they will for that matter, I always have a book with me.

I just finished Sing You Home by Jodi Picoult. She is my favorite author. All of her books have a story that could happen anywhere. She writes with such detail that you feel like you know the characters. I have a hard time putting her books down because of how real, raw, and emotional they are.

Sing You Home is about a great many things. It starts with a failed pregnancy, which leads to a painful divorce, turning into new love, and ending with a court battle over frozen embryos. There are so many feelings and stories and experiences that go into this story to make it feel like you are stepping into the characters lives and watching on the wall. I won't go into anymore details but I highly recommend this (and all) Jodi Picoult books.

A new meal for the week

I had today off from all of my jobs which meant that I was able to go grocery shopping and cook a meal that I can eat all week. I really hate cooking for just one person but I'm finding that having left overs can be worth it. Cooking one large meal a week and I have enough food for 4 or 5 meals.

This was a new recipe for me (one new thing for this month!) and it turned out to be pretty good. I got it from a friends cookbook that was put out by Philadelphia Cream Cheese, so the cookbook itself was mainly cheesecakes but a few dinners as well.

South of the Border Chicken and Pasta Skillet
Ingredients:
2 cups rotini or any "shape" pasta (I used Schar gluten free fusili)
1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breasts cut into bite size pieces
1 jar salsa
1 package (10oz.) frozen corn
4 oz. cream cheese
1/2 tsp. cumin
Salt and pepper to taste
1 cup Mexican style shredded cheese

Directions:
- Cook pasta as directed and drain.
- At the same time, cook the chicken in a large skillet that is either non-stick or has been sprayed with cooking spray. Cook approximately 6 minutes or until chicken is cook thoroughly.
- Add salsa, corn, cream cheese, cumin, salt, and pepper. Simmer 5 minutes until cream cheese is melted.
- Add pasta and shredded cheese. Mix and let cook 3-5 minutes until cheese is melted and everything comes together.
- Enjoy!!

It doesn't look like much but it taste good and is relatively healthy. It was super easy to make and should last me all week, or would easily feed 4-6 people. If I make it again I will probably add more seasonings of some sort. It had a good flavor but seemed to be missing something. 

A Wonderful Birthday Celebration!

I have wonderful friends and feel truly blessed to have such amazing people in my life! After a busy day of work and running errands yesterday I went over to a friends place and relaxed and had fun all night long! We made a delicious punch that I found the recipe for on the Woodchuck cider website. It is as follows:

Woodchuck Cider Punch
2 Quarts lemon sherbet
1 large (2 liter) bottle of ginger ale
11 bottles of woodchuck cider (we used 12 of the raspberry variety)
Lemon slices (to garnish)

Mix it all together and enjoy! We split it between two different containers and in one we added pomegranate vodka. It made it just a tad fruitier but both versions were really good!

We also had a nice bonfire outside. It was cool enough outside that we were able to sit and enjoy the warmth and just hang out and talk. Two of my friends found a pretty sweet bush that was dead somewhere (I think on a neighbors curb) and told me that they were giving it to me as a gift. So I had a special birthday stick/bush. And I got to burn it which looked pretty cool.

It was a very fun night! I sadly had to work this morning despite trying to get it off. It was a stressful 4 hour shift, which turned into a 5 1/4 hour shift. I was technically in charge since my boss was gone and it was just a busy and frustrating morning for me. But I will say it again, I have amazing friends!! One of my coworkers Katlyn dropped by and brought me a plate full of delicious gluten free cupcakes! I mean these were amazing! They have chocolate chips inside of them and made the fact that I was working significantly better. Just look at them, you will want some too!

I have had a few hours to relax and will head into work at Old Navy tonight for 4 hours. The rest of my weekend is up in the air. Hopefully I'll be able to see friends again, and relax a bit before work starts again on Monday. I'm slowly adjusting back into my crazy work schedule and hopefully my body won't rebel against me too much. 

25 Before 25!!

As promised I have composed a list of 25 things that I hope to accomplish before turning 25 on September 7, 2012. I again give credit to my friend Anna who came up with this idea. I may have stolen the idea, and a few of these goals from her (only 2)! They are in no particular order, and some have a few comments, mainly my odd thoughts, beside them. If you'd like to join me on any of these adventures/endeavors let me know, it will make it more fun!

1.) Make something new (food, crafts, etc.) at least twice a month.

2.) Read for fun a little everyday.

3.) Take a vacation- just for fun!

4.) Write letters consistently to friends out of town.

5.) Go at least one day without unnecessarily saying "I'm Sorry" (as many of you know this will be harder for me than it sounds.)

6.) Do logic puzzles or challenging word problems regularly (I have to keep my mind sharp somehow)

7.)Watch all 6 Star Wars movies in one weekend (Anyone have these that I could borrow, and want to join me for this adventure?)

8.) Learn to cook on a grill 

9.) Cook for friends once a month (can we say dinner parties with me cooking!! Who wants in?!)

10.) Play new board games (this one I can't do alone!)

11.) Hike a mountain (or two or three...)

12.) Go at least one day without complaining (about anything, and hopefully more than one day)

13.) Take a gymnastics/Pilates/yoga class

14.) Find a church community I feel comfortable in

15.) Go one month without buying anything materialistic that I don't need to survive (ie. food)

16.) Read some of the "classics" 

17.) Talk to my family (immediate and distant) more often

18.) Go to a wine tasting 

19.) Lose 15 pounds

20.) Go one full day without technology (phone, computer, tv etc.) 

21.) Not let my headache get in the way of being social or doing something I want to do.

22.) Go out dancing or to a club (I have never done this and it kind of scares me, so someone please drag me with you and promise not to leave me!)

23.) Create and stick to a monthly budget (someday I have to be an adult)

24.) Pay for someones coffee behind me in the drive-thru 

25.) Blog about these goals as I accomplish them.

So like I said, let me know if you want to help out with any of these!! I'm excited to see what I can have fun doing!

My birthday and the first few days at school!

Well the past two days have been quite a whirlwind. I went from the 4 or 8 hour work day to working 12 hours straight with the only break being the 15 minute drive between jobs. With that being said I really have had a few good days.

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm now officially 24, which scares me, but I realize that for a long time now I've acted older than I actually am so maybe I'm just catching up to myself. Something to look forward in the next few days is my 25 before 25 list. This idea came from my friend Anna who also blogs (look here: Love Like Laughter ). She just turned 24 last month and decided to come up with a list of 25 things to accomplish before turning 25. I'm almost done will mine and will post it sometime this weekend.

It was also the first day of school. So here is a little background about what I do at the high school. I'm currently working in the same high school I graduated from, which while being a little weird has been a wonderful experience. I run the Math Lab there. The short explanation is that it is a drop in tutoring center where any student can come during their study hall, lunch, or empty periods to get help with their math homework or to study for upcoming tests. This means that I work with all levels of math, algebra 1 through calculus and college algebra. It is a lot of fun! I get to meet a wide variety of students, and teach every level (sometimes at the same time). There can be stressful times- 17 high school students all working on different types of math and I'm the only adult in the room there to help- but it gave me a lot of joy last school year and I am expecting more of the same this year. So as I am not a "real" teacher in the traditional job description, I feel that I am still allowed to claim the title.

So yesterday I headed to the high school and walked right into a classroom full of desks, tables, chairs all pilled on top of each other, and every extra math book in the school. The room was just short of a disaster. Luckily I wasn't expecting too many students since it was the first day and many of the math teachers hadn't assigned homework yet. I spent about 2 hours setting the room up and making sure it logistically would work. I will have 10-15 kids during the busy lunch periods and 3-5 the rest of the day so having plenty of space to work and space to move around between students is important. I was content with the set up and then spent about 4 hours reading. I did have a few students from last year come in and say hi and chat for a few minutes which was welcomed!

After school I went to Mathnasium, and worked 4 1/2 hours there. It was a rather busy day there which meant I was actually teaching multiple students which felt productive. After work I went out to dinner with 3 good friends. We shared a delicious meal, wonderful conversation, and I had a delightful birthday dinner. Once I got home I talked with my parents and shared birthday and first day of school experiences and memories. It was a nice way to end a long but fulfilling day.

Today started a little rocky. I went to my car this morning to head into school and found that somehow (despite the car being locked and all of the windows intact), someone had gotten into my car, stole my gps as well as a few other car chargers that I had and had gone through everything else in my car. Luckily there was no damage to the car itself and it was right where I had left it, but it was a very violating and unsettling feeling. I had a hard time shaking it all day.

On a much more positive note I had students today actually working on math! It was so great to be back in the thick of things and teaching math to kids who wanted to learn and had questions! I was also able to have a calming conversation with another teacher. I felt welcomed back to school by both the teachers I work with (and who actually taught me while I went to school there) and by the students.

After working another 4 hours at Mathnasium I came home and enjoyed left over baked ziti and the ability to relax for a few minutes!

The birthday festivities continue tomorrow! After school, and applying for what will hopefully be my new apartment, I will be celebrating all night with good friends! I'm very excited to spend time with people and be happy! More details about that celebration, my 25 before 25 list, and other general life updates soon!

A down to Earth book

Now that school has started up again I have some free time during the day, when students don't come in for help, to just read. I just finished a book today and thought that I would give you my take on it.

Love the One You're With by Emily Griffin

One of my friends recommended this author to me because of her heartfelt, raw emotional writing that fits what her characters are feeling. Without giving the story away, this is about a woman who is battling the renewal of a friendship with the "love that got away" against the "perfect" life she has with her husband, best friend, and family. It is a vivid tale of the struggle between veiled perfection and wondering what might have been. The story is a wonderful reminder to be grateful for what you have a yet to never settle in life. The book was a quick and easy read, lighthearted and emotional, with just the right amount detail to keep you wondering what might come next! 

Help out Schoharie Valley!

I've been looking for a good way to donate to help out the people in the village of Schoharie and the neighboring communities. One of my friends posted this link on facebook and it is a wonderful way to help. I just purchased the album and added a little more in to help the area that I love. Please look into what has happened in Schoharie as a result of Hurricane Irene and consider helping out as well. The link below will bring you to a website where various NYC artists have put together 43 songs. By purchasing the album all of the proceeds go to the Red Cross and the Schoharie County Community Action Program.

aftertheflood.bandcamp.com

Before this summer, I spent the last 4 working at Camp Fowler up in the Adirondack Mountains of NY. One week during each of those summers I went to Schoharie to help run a day camp program there. While there I worked with over 120 kids from the area, and over 100 volunteers from the community and the churches in town. The program itself brought more joy to my life than I could imagine and I've become friends with many of the volunteers that I worked with there. We lived with different families each year, and they always opened their homes up to us with open arms. We were treated graciously and I always felt welcome. The hugs I received were only a start to the whole communities warmth and caring.

I've now seen pictures on various news websites that show how high the water was and how much devastation really occurred. I've heard about how people I know that live above the village on a large hill still had water in their basement and lost quite a bit.

Meat Sauce and Baked Ziti

Well on my third day off in a row I decided to make food for the rest of the week. Since I will be working 7:30am-2:30pm and then again 3pm-7/7:30pm for the next few months I am on the hunt for meals that I can make on the weekend and then enjoy all week long by just reheating it.

It's a cool and rainy day here in Rochester and this meal just hit the spot. I made a double batch of the Meat Sauce my parents made and turned half of it into Baked Ziti and then split the other half up between my fridge and my freezer so I'll have sauce for another week worth of food some other time. So here are the recipes, and a few pictures of the final products.

Meat Sauce (single batch)
Ingredients: 
1/2 pound ground beef
1/2 Italian sausage (I use sweet or mild- it can be the patties or in the casing.)
1 small onion- diced
2 cloves garlic- minced (I used 1 tsp. minced garlic in olive oil that comes in a jar for convenience.)
salt and pepper to taste
12 oz. tomato paste
24 oz. water
1/2 Tbsp. basil
1/2 Tbsp. oregano

Directions:
1.) Brown ground beef and sausage together. If you get sausage in the casing just split it open and remove it. As you brown it make sure to break it into bite size pieces. Once everything is browned drain the fat from the pan.
2.) Add onions, garlic, salt, and pepper, and cook for 3-5 minutes until onions are translucent.
3.) Add tomato paste and water. I usually add the water by putting it into the tomato paste cans so that I can get an accurate measurement as well as all of the tomato paste out of the can. Once all of the tomato paste is thoroughly mixed in add the basil and oregano. This is also to taste. I usually add a little extra basil.
4.) Simmer for at least 30 minutes.

Baked Ziti:

Ingredients:

Meat Sauce- I used a little under a full batch.

3/4 pound gluten free pasta- I used Schar gluten free fusilli. (It's the best g-f pasta I've found.)

2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

Grated Parmesan & Romano cheese 

Directions:

1.) Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease a 9x13 pan, cooking spray works well. 

2.) Whatever pasta you choose to use, cook 2 minutes less than what is directed on the package. During the baking process it will finish cooking.

3.) After draining the pasta add the sauce to it until you are happy with the consistency. 

4.) Add 1 cup of the shredded mozzarella cheese and then a good sprinkling of the grated cheese.

5.) Add the pasta mixture to the greased pan.

6.) Top with the remaining cup of mozzarella cheese.

7.) Bake 15-20 minutes.

Finished meal:

To finish my meal off I added some garlic bread and a chicken patty with extra sauce and cheese on it. I didn't have time to make Chicken Parmesan for real so I cooked up a gluten free chicken patty, added extra sauce and some shredded mozzarella cheese on top. I also toasted a few pieces of Udi's gluten free white sandwich bread (best g-f bread I've found) and put butter, garlic powder, and basil on top. Turned out to be a great meal. Take a look!

I'm looking forward to reheating the baked ziti all week! The nice thing about this meal is it is easy to make gluten free, just a pasta substitution. Enjoy the recipe and the outcome! 

Productive Days Off

I don't have many days off, and now that I have 3 in a row and I'm not leaving town I'm not quite sure how to handle all the time. The past two days have been productive and I have high hopes for tomorrow as well.

Friday morning I got the good news I had been waiting for. My assistant principal called and offered me the math lab position that I worked in last year, only this time instead of only 5 hours each day I'll be there all day- 7 hours. I'm excited to be back at the high school and working with all levels of math! It can be difficult to handle the different ages and materials but I can't wait to be back in the school! After that phone call the rest of my day was on a cloud! I worked a few hours at Mathnasium and then ran errands before going to Old Navy and working a four hour shift there. The rest of my night was wonderful. I was able to hang out with good friends and have that social pick me up that I desperately needed. It made for a long day (and night) but was well worth the loss of sleep.

Saturday (day 1 off) I met with my friend and soon to be new roommate to look at some apartments. We saw three different places, two of them were in the running at the end of the day. We made our pros and cons list and talked it through. We have decided on one, now we just need to get the application process underway and hopefully we'll be moving in a few weeks! After all of that I was quite tired and spent the rest of my night relaxing. I watched a movie, went to bed, and got 10 hours of sleep...bliss!

Sunday (day 2 off) I felt productive within an hour of waking up! So I did my laundry, made my shopping list, talked to my parents on the phone to finalize my new apartment plans, and planned what I would cook tomorrow as my meal for the week. I went school supplies shopping! Yes even as a teacher I get excited about buying school supplies! I went to the grocery store and stocked up on food to make baked ziti with homemade meat sauce tomorrow and stuff to bring to school for lunch each day. Then my day got even more fun. I met up with one of my friends and went to the outlet mall. I found a few new sweaters for school and a dress for another friends wedding! I plan to relax the rest of the night and just enjoy some time to myself.

Check back tomorrow for the recipe for my baked ziti that I plan to make tomorrow!!

A little background.... plus details of a good day!

My days tend to consist of many things, between the different jobs I do, the errands I run, and the time I take to try to relax, any given day can look drastically different from the one before it. What I am about to write about is not something I talk about easily, and it is not something I tend to share, but after a few years I have learned that I need to be honest with what I am dealing with and stop hiding it from the people close to me.

One thing that is constant on a daily basis is the pain from my headache. For 6 years now I've awakened with a headache that lasts all day, until finally going to bed. Some days are worse than others, and when a migraine is thrown on top it makes for a very interesting few hours or days. I've spent a long time searching for the cause or a treatment that will make each day just a little more bearable. My neurologist diagnosed me with "daily chronic headache syndrome" (yes that's actually what it is called- novel I know). I've tried almost 30 prescription medications (in a 4 year span), various "alternative" treatments, had a few different brain scans, and seen several different doctors. So far I have found a few medications that help with the migraines, and one that seems to keep the daily headaches slightly more bearable than when I wasn't on it. Additionally I found that by going gluten free I reduced the number of migraines I was experiencing from 2 a month to only 6 in the past 16 months. So any recipe that is posted on here will be gluten free or an adaption to make it gluten free.

Long story short I spent a lot of time going to doctors and searching for answers.  For the past two years I stopped going to a neurologist because my last one gave up on me telling me "you are holding steady enough, that's all we can hope for." Recently I have found out about a few vitamin deficiencies that I have as well as additional family history that relates so I've decided to go to a hematologist as well as a new neurologist. If you know me, I have very little faith in doctors but I need to try again because living in constant pain is draining.

Today I went to the hematologist. This man was kind, understanding, and I actually liked talking to him. He spent almost 40 minutes just talking to me and explaining the inner workings of a vitamin b12 deficiency as well as asking me questions. He even took me to the lab to see my blood under the microscope and explain what he was looking for in it. As much as I was stressing out about this appointment it went better than expected. Other than the b12 deficiency my blood seems to be within normal ranges in everything else. While this doesn't give me any new information about my headaches it does help me know that I am not suffering from some of the other things my Mom is and that with regular treatment I will be fine. It was a breath of fresh air to be given respect in a doctors office, leave with my questions answered, and trust that while I don't have any answers to the chronic pain I have one more thing to cross off the list of possible causes. One of the medications I was on for a while may even be linked to the deficiency.

I head to a new neurologist later in the month. I'm trying to be optimistic without getting my hopes up. I would love to find a way to be pain-free, even if only for a few days, but at the same time I'm tired of constantly trying with nothing but failures.

For those of you who are around me regularly, thank you for putting up with my random pain and for all of your support over the past few years.

On a completely other note, it looks like I will have a job that I enjoy for another school year. I'm still waiting to get the details but it looks like I will be back in the high school running the math lab, teaching kids math (9th-12th grade)!! I haven't been able to find a full time teaching position but this job is a lot of fun! I should have details tomorrow, but just knowing that they want me back is a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. This means that I will most likely be back to working 3 jobs and 50-60 hours weeks again, but I'm excited!

September is full of changes: new doctors, one job starting up again, another job getting busier, one (first) grad school class starting (ahhh scary!), turning 24 (also scary!!), and finding a new apartment and then moving into it. It will be a busy month, and as much as change scares and stresses me out I'm actually looking forward to some of it.