Thank you to all of those who have served and who are currently serving in the military. Your hard work and service has given us the freedom to live the way we do and we regularly forget that. While I only know a few people currently serving I cannot imagine what it must be like and I am forever grateful!
Days like today, when I have a day off, that I didn't need to request off and just happen where I can be productive and relax are wonderful, and I used it to it's full extent!
My body decided 8am was sleeping in, but considering I went to bed before 11pm it was good enough for me. I got up, made a delicious smoothie and gluten free bagel and watched a few tv show episodes to relax and have a lazy morning. Then I got on a productive spree! I cleaned the bathroom, did laundry, cleaned the kitchen and did the dishes, and cleaned my room. I even put my clean laundry away, which if you know me tends to take a day or two after it is actually done. Then I fell back into lazy relaxation! It was about 90 degrees out and beautifully sunny so I read outside for 2 hours! I'm almost done with the third book in the Hunger Games trilogy and I was hoping to finish it this weekend but I just wasn't able to find the time. The two hours did get me a good chunk into it. I then jumped back into productivity and showered and went grocery shopping and had dinner.
I wanted to get a few job applications done, which sadly didn't happen but I will have more time to get those done later this week and in the next few. I have a few snail mail letters to write that I've been meaning to write for a few weeks now that I will try to get done before bed.
This week is going to be very long! Most weeks I complain about 50ish hours of work. Even with Monday off, I am working 52 hours of work, with full days at school, meaning no real breaks between jobs, which makes for very long days. I will be at school by 7 most days to start testing for the algebra classes and then done by 2:30 and then have to be at my other job by 3:30 and not be done until 7 or 8. It will be a very long week for sure. I'm grateful for the day off, but I'll need another one soon, although I doubt I'll get it!
Monday, May 28, 2012
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Time
Well this past week has been full of thinking about a variety of topics. It has also given me perspective on a few things. The title is "Time", because while my time was spent slightly differently this week, it was still busy and sporadic, and led me to question myself and my life more.
I again worked 50 hours between all three jobs between Monday and Saturday afternoon. It amazes me to look at my schedule and see how I pack it all in, and then realize that on most days I have a break between 1 and 3pm. The fact that those hours aren't spent all at the same place is what makes it more stressful but it all works out in the end. My time is sometimes spread kind of thin. Not getting out of work until 8pm and having to be up at 5:45am makes having a social life difficult, especially when most of my friends don't work as much as me, especially not as early as I do. Which is one reason why I am looking forward to my job at school ending.
I spent too much time thinking about myself this week and it bothered me. I don't like feeling selfish and I was really stressed out this week. I got myself worked up about a situation that I had limited control over. There was only so much I could do, and once I did that I just had to let everything take it's course. Even once that happened I was stuck thinking about it, and that is never easy. While I know I need to take care of myself and make sure that I am "okay" before I can help others, it is very hard for me to focus on myself for very long. This week was way too long. The few times I allowed myself to actually talk about what was happening in my mind and life I just ended up either more confused or hurt. Confusion I can handle, being hurt (especially by people I trust) is harder to deal with. I like to listen, not to talk!
Since school ends in 2 1/2 weeks I'm looking forward to my summer schedule and trying to figure out what my time will look like then. Considering my schedule will drastically change from what it is now, and then change every week, it will take some getting used to. I like having a routine, so the summer is going to be a difficult time for me to adjust to. I will, thankfully, not have to be up quite so early, at least most days. There may be a few days at Old Navy that could start at 6 or 7am, but beyond that the earliest I will have to be at work will be 8:30, which beats 7:15 for sure!! I will also be done by 7pm at Sylvan instead of 8! These will all be small but welcomed changes. I'm more worried about having enough hours to pay my bills, stay active and sane. Do I need 50 hours a week? No!! But I have responsibilities and I'd like to be able to make them without added stress.
This weekend has been good. Friends are camping nearby so I've been able to go and visit between shifts. While I like hiking and being outside, I'm not much for living in the woods for an extended period of time, so visiting is enjoyable. Not to mention the fact that there are close to 40 people, and while I don't know all of them, I just can't handle large groups for long periods of time so this really is the best of both worlds. It's been nice to get away for a little while. Plus I have a full day off tomorrow so I can get some laundry done, and hopefully relax, apply for some teaching jobs, and maybe even lay outside and read a good book.
I again worked 50 hours between all three jobs between Monday and Saturday afternoon. It amazes me to look at my schedule and see how I pack it all in, and then realize that on most days I have a break between 1 and 3pm. The fact that those hours aren't spent all at the same place is what makes it more stressful but it all works out in the end. My time is sometimes spread kind of thin. Not getting out of work until 8pm and having to be up at 5:45am makes having a social life difficult, especially when most of my friends don't work as much as me, especially not as early as I do. Which is one reason why I am looking forward to my job at school ending.
I spent too much time thinking about myself this week and it bothered me. I don't like feeling selfish and I was really stressed out this week. I got myself worked up about a situation that I had limited control over. There was only so much I could do, and once I did that I just had to let everything take it's course. Even once that happened I was stuck thinking about it, and that is never easy. While I know I need to take care of myself and make sure that I am "okay" before I can help others, it is very hard for me to focus on myself for very long. This week was way too long. The few times I allowed myself to actually talk about what was happening in my mind and life I just ended up either more confused or hurt. Confusion I can handle, being hurt (especially by people I trust) is harder to deal with. I like to listen, not to talk!
Since school ends in 2 1/2 weeks I'm looking forward to my summer schedule and trying to figure out what my time will look like then. Considering my schedule will drastically change from what it is now, and then change every week, it will take some getting used to. I like having a routine, so the summer is going to be a difficult time for me to adjust to. I will, thankfully, not have to be up quite so early, at least most days. There may be a few days at Old Navy that could start at 6 or 7am, but beyond that the earliest I will have to be at work will be 8:30, which beats 7:15 for sure!! I will also be done by 7pm at Sylvan instead of 8! These will all be small but welcomed changes. I'm more worried about having enough hours to pay my bills, stay active and sane. Do I need 50 hours a week? No!! But I have responsibilities and I'd like to be able to make them without added stress.
This weekend has been good. Friends are camping nearby so I've been able to go and visit between shifts. While I like hiking and being outside, I'm not much for living in the woods for an extended period of time, so visiting is enjoyable. Not to mention the fact that there are close to 40 people, and while I don't know all of them, I just can't handle large groups for long periods of time so this really is the best of both worlds. It's been nice to get away for a little while. Plus I have a full day off tomorrow so I can get some laundry done, and hopefully relax, apply for some teaching jobs, and maybe even lay outside and read a good book.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Too much... finding balance
Sometimes I realize that while working 50+ hours a week is necessary to some extent it is also draining me. On top of working I've been doing something between jobs everyday for the past two weeks, meaning that I have had very little down time from 7am until 8:30pm every day. Working in the city schools Tuesday and Thursday just ended this week so I will have a little bit more time during the week. Add a cold on top of everything and my delicate balance is thrown off. I didn't want to get out of bed most mornings because I was still exhausted despite getting a normal nights sleep. I just refused to admit that I was sick and worked through it all.
I did have a few good lunches and conversations with friends this week that made up for the lack of down time. It was nice to talk to these people. One of the conversations occurred at the Lilac Festival on a beautiful day! It reminded me how grateful I am to live in an area with such great parks! Today my friends had a mass birthday party for everyone in our group born in May. It was a gorgeous day out and well worth the time to spend in another park!
I've been thinking a lot about friendships and relationships lately and it's been a difficult topic for me to deal with. I've had a few good experiences that have reminded me that friendships are good and necessary. I have also had enough reminders of feeling, and being, brutally alone that I'm struggling to find a balance. I feel like I am back in elementary school learning how to make friends and be around people and not be scared in groups. I know I'm an introvert and sometimes I wish I wasn't because it seems like life would be so much easier if I could just talk to people in groups and get to know them. Don't get me wrong, if I'm at work/school I can teach a room full of people without a problem, but put me in the same room and have it be a social situation and I'm almost silent. This terrifies me because I don't want to end up alone. I am okay having a few good friends in my life, I like having a small group of people that are close to me. I just have a fear that I'm going to lose even that.
Today was my first full day off in 3 weeks. I know, I know... too much work! It wasn't even that relaxing which is what is sad. I tried to relax this morning, my body won't even let me sleep in anymore. I made it to 7:15, and laid in bed until 8:15 before finally giving in and getting up. I'm looking forward to having a few hours during my days this week (assuming I don't plan any lunches) to apply for more jobs and possibly relax. Plus this weekend is Memorial Day and in between jobs I'm hoping to see some friends who are camping nearby.
Balance is hard. I miss the days when I could stand on a 4 inch wide balance beam 4 feet off the ground and just walk back and forth and jump around. That was balance! Keeping your muscles in check so that everything stayed level and in the right areas. It was much more enjoyable than trying to balance work with a "social" life.
I did have a few good lunches and conversations with friends this week that made up for the lack of down time. It was nice to talk to these people. One of the conversations occurred at the Lilac Festival on a beautiful day! It reminded me how grateful I am to live in an area with such great parks! Today my friends had a mass birthday party for everyone in our group born in May. It was a gorgeous day out and well worth the time to spend in another park!
I've been thinking a lot about friendships and relationships lately and it's been a difficult topic for me to deal with. I've had a few good experiences that have reminded me that friendships are good and necessary. I have also had enough reminders of feeling, and being, brutally alone that I'm struggling to find a balance. I feel like I am back in elementary school learning how to make friends and be around people and not be scared in groups. I know I'm an introvert and sometimes I wish I wasn't because it seems like life would be so much easier if I could just talk to people in groups and get to know them. Don't get me wrong, if I'm at work/school I can teach a room full of people without a problem, but put me in the same room and have it be a social situation and I'm almost silent. This terrifies me because I don't want to end up alone. I am okay having a few good friends in my life, I like having a small group of people that are close to me. I just have a fear that I'm going to lose even that.
Today was my first full day off in 3 weeks. I know, I know... too much work! It wasn't even that relaxing which is what is sad. I tried to relax this morning, my body won't even let me sleep in anymore. I made it to 7:15, and laid in bed until 8:15 before finally giving in and getting up. I'm looking forward to having a few hours during my days this week (assuming I don't plan any lunches) to apply for more jobs and possibly relax. Plus this weekend is Memorial Day and in between jobs I'm hoping to see some friends who are camping nearby.
Balance is hard. I miss the days when I could stand on a 4 inch wide balance beam 4 feet off the ground and just walk back and forth and jump around. That was balance! Keeping your muscles in check so that everything stayed level and in the right areas. It was much more enjoyable than trying to balance work with a "social" life.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Life Happens
There is no other way to explain what has been going on lately than that sentiment. Sometimes things happen and it just catches up with you. I have felt a wide range of emotions this week, the most common was exhaustion.
The interview on Monday created all sorts of nerves. It went well overall, and gave me plenty to think about after the fact. I sadly found out Friday morning that I wasn't chosen to continue on to the next round of interviews which was very disappointing given it's the district that I've been working in for the past year and a half. I'm trying to stay positive and look towards the future even though it is very hard.
The week in general was busy. I worked 54 hours on top of trying to stay sane. I ended up spending a good deal of time listening to a few friends and a few students vent about different situations in their lives. I love to listen and help whenever possible, but I forgot how exhausting it can be (especially when I am staying up until almost midnight and losing sleep because of it). These experiences reminded me what true friendship can be and should be. It provided me a nice slap in the face Friday morning when I got bad news and realized that the list of people I could turn to close by for support was limited.
Friday had a positive point! I painted my Mom a vase at a paint your own pottery place in town here for Mother's Day (don't worry she doesn't read this). I did this right after I left school and it was probably the healthiest thing I've done in a while. I spent 2 1/2 hours painting a ceramic vase, making sure it had enough coats and that the colors and design would look good. I'm really hoping it turns out well and that she will like it. I just know that being creative and just sitting by myself and being semi-artsy again for a few hours felt so good.
I also made dinner for people Friday night. I had planned this a few nights ahead of time and it was the last thing I wanted to do that night but knew I couldn't cancel at that point. What made it harder was personally knowing that I had originally planned it to help out another friend that wanted something low key that night and that I had really just been inviting people to keep drama out of the group and to keep everyone happy. So much of me wanted to run away and hide but I was good and stayed the whole night. I even had a smile on my face for at least part of the night. I'm sure I wasn't the best host but hiding being in pain and wanting to cry got harder as the day went on and since only 2 people there knew what was going on (and I wanted to keep it that way for the time being) it was what had to be done.
It just went back to realizing what true friendship was. I miss it! I've got it with a few people here and I know that, but so many of my relationships with people here are fake despite efforts that I feel I've made and I'm getting sick of caring. I'm trying to be okay with just being acquaintances but sometimes it's nice to be given a hug and have it mean something, or be asked randomly how you are doing just for the sake of it because the person actually cares.
Saturday just went downhill fast! By the time people left Friday night and I cleaned up and then got off the phone with a few people it was 2am. Let's just say I had to leave my house at 8am for work. Which meant I had to be awake at 7, and my body thought it would be a good idea to wake up at 6, with a migraine. Needless to say, 4 hours of sleep and then laying in bed for another hour trying to cope before finally getting up was not how I wanted to start my day. Work in the morning went okay. The kids were alright and in the end I survived. I came home, ate some lunch, and passed out for 2 1/2 hours before going to the other job 6-10 pm. It was a long day despite the long nap. The pain never went away and working at Old Navy with a migraine isn't fun! Florescent lights and loud music mixed with pain and a sensitivity to light and sound don't go together well.
Today was significantly better! Work 8-12 was fine. I was at least with good coworkers which always helps. Then I hung out with a friend for a few hours which made me quite happy and got me smiling. Once I came home I talked with my parents for a little while and attempted to be productive before relaxing and enjoying my evening off.
This week will be interesting as always. Only 50 hours of work (its sad that I can say only to that) which might be slightly more relaxing depending on what I end up planning to do with the off time.
The interview on Monday created all sorts of nerves. It went well overall, and gave me plenty to think about after the fact. I sadly found out Friday morning that I wasn't chosen to continue on to the next round of interviews which was very disappointing given it's the district that I've been working in for the past year and a half. I'm trying to stay positive and look towards the future even though it is very hard.
The week in general was busy. I worked 54 hours on top of trying to stay sane. I ended up spending a good deal of time listening to a few friends and a few students vent about different situations in their lives. I love to listen and help whenever possible, but I forgot how exhausting it can be (especially when I am staying up until almost midnight and losing sleep because of it). These experiences reminded me what true friendship can be and should be. It provided me a nice slap in the face Friday morning when I got bad news and realized that the list of people I could turn to close by for support was limited.
Friday had a positive point! I painted my Mom a vase at a paint your own pottery place in town here for Mother's Day (don't worry she doesn't read this). I did this right after I left school and it was probably the healthiest thing I've done in a while. I spent 2 1/2 hours painting a ceramic vase, making sure it had enough coats and that the colors and design would look good. I'm really hoping it turns out well and that she will like it. I just know that being creative and just sitting by myself and being semi-artsy again for a few hours felt so good.
I also made dinner for people Friday night. I had planned this a few nights ahead of time and it was the last thing I wanted to do that night but knew I couldn't cancel at that point. What made it harder was personally knowing that I had originally planned it to help out another friend that wanted something low key that night and that I had really just been inviting people to keep drama out of the group and to keep everyone happy. So much of me wanted to run away and hide but I was good and stayed the whole night. I even had a smile on my face for at least part of the night. I'm sure I wasn't the best host but hiding being in pain and wanting to cry got harder as the day went on and since only 2 people there knew what was going on (and I wanted to keep it that way for the time being) it was what had to be done.
It just went back to realizing what true friendship was. I miss it! I've got it with a few people here and I know that, but so many of my relationships with people here are fake despite efforts that I feel I've made and I'm getting sick of caring. I'm trying to be okay with just being acquaintances but sometimes it's nice to be given a hug and have it mean something, or be asked randomly how you are doing just for the sake of it because the person actually cares.
Saturday just went downhill fast! By the time people left Friday night and I cleaned up and then got off the phone with a few people it was 2am. Let's just say I had to leave my house at 8am for work. Which meant I had to be awake at 7, and my body thought it would be a good idea to wake up at 6, with a migraine. Needless to say, 4 hours of sleep and then laying in bed for another hour trying to cope before finally getting up was not how I wanted to start my day. Work in the morning went okay. The kids were alright and in the end I survived. I came home, ate some lunch, and passed out for 2 1/2 hours before going to the other job 6-10 pm. It was a long day despite the long nap. The pain never went away and working at Old Navy with a migraine isn't fun! Florescent lights and loud music mixed with pain and a sensitivity to light and sound don't go together well.
Today was significantly better! Work 8-12 was fine. I was at least with good coworkers which always helps. Then I hung out with a friend for a few hours which made me quite happy and got me smiling. Once I came home I talked with my parents for a little while and attempted to be productive before relaxing and enjoying my evening off.
This week will be interesting as always. Only 50 hours of work (its sad that I can say only to that) which might be slightly more relaxing depending on what I end up planning to do with the off time.
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