There is no other way to explain what has been going on lately than that sentiment. Sometimes things happen and it just catches up with you. I have felt a wide range of emotions this week, the most common was exhaustion.
The interview on Monday created all sorts of nerves. It went well overall, and gave me plenty to think about after the fact. I sadly found out Friday morning that I wasn't chosen to continue on to the next round of interviews which was very disappointing given it's the district that I've been working in for the past year and a half. I'm trying to stay positive and look towards the future even though it is very hard.
The week in general was busy. I worked 54 hours on top of trying to stay sane. I ended up spending a good deal of time listening to a few friends and a few students vent about different situations in their lives. I love to listen and help whenever possible, but I forgot how exhausting it can be (especially when I am staying up until almost midnight and losing sleep because of it). These experiences reminded me what true friendship can be and should be. It provided me a nice slap in the face Friday morning when I got bad news and realized that the list of people I could turn to close by for support was limited.
Friday had a positive point! I painted my Mom a vase at a paint your own pottery place in town here for Mother's Day (don't worry she doesn't read this). I did this right after I left school and it was probably the healthiest thing I've done in a while. I spent 2 1/2 hours painting a ceramic vase, making sure it had enough coats and that the colors and design would look good. I'm really hoping it turns out well and that she will like it. I just know that being creative and just sitting by myself and being semi-artsy again for a few hours felt so good.
I also made dinner for people Friday night. I had planned this a few nights ahead of time and it was the last thing I wanted to do that night but knew I couldn't cancel at that point. What made it harder was personally knowing that I had originally planned it to help out another friend that wanted something low key that night and that I had really just been inviting people to keep drama out of the group and to keep everyone happy. So much of me wanted to run away and hide but I was good and stayed the whole night. I even had a smile on my face for at least part of the night. I'm sure I wasn't the best host but hiding being in pain and wanting to cry got harder as the day went on and since only 2 people there knew what was going on (and I wanted to keep it that way for the time being) it was what had to be done.
It just went back to realizing what true friendship was. I miss it! I've got it with a few people here and I know that, but so many of my relationships with people here are fake despite efforts that I feel I've made and I'm getting sick of caring. I'm trying to be okay with just being acquaintances but sometimes it's nice to be given a hug and have it mean something, or be asked randomly how you are doing just for the sake of it because the person actually cares.
Saturday just went downhill fast! By the time people left Friday night and I cleaned up and then got off the phone with a few people it was 2am. Let's just say I had to leave my house at 8am for work. Which meant I had to be awake at 7, and my body thought it would be a good idea to wake up at 6, with a migraine. Needless to say, 4 hours of sleep and then laying in bed for another hour trying to cope before finally getting up was not how I wanted to start my day. Work in the morning went okay. The kids were alright and in the end I survived. I came home, ate some lunch, and passed out for 2 1/2 hours before going to the other job 6-10 pm. It was a long day despite the long nap. The pain never went away and working at Old Navy with a migraine isn't fun! Florescent lights and loud music mixed with pain and a sensitivity to light and sound don't go together well.
Today was significantly better! Work 8-12 was fine. I was at least with good coworkers which always helps. Then I hung out with a friend for a few hours which made me quite happy and got me smiling. Once I came home I talked with my parents for a little while and attempted to be productive before relaxing and enjoying my evening off.
This week will be interesting as always. Only 50 hours of work (its sad that I can say only to that) which might be slightly more relaxing depending on what I end up planning to do with the off time.
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