Time

Well this past week has been full of thinking about a variety of topics. It has also given me perspective on a few things. The title is "Time", because while my time was spent slightly differently this week, it was still busy and sporadic, and led me to question myself and my life more.

I again worked 50 hours between all three jobs between Monday and Saturday afternoon. It amazes me to look at my schedule and see how I pack it all in, and then realize that on most days I have a break between 1 and 3pm. The fact that those hours aren't spent all at the same place is what makes it more stressful but it all works out in the end. My time is sometimes spread kind of thin. Not getting out of work until 8pm and having to be up at 5:45am makes having a social life difficult, especially when most of my friends don't work as much as me, especially not as early as I do. Which is one reason why I am looking forward to my job at school ending.

I spent too much time thinking about myself this week and it bothered me. I don't like feeling selfish and I was really stressed out this week. I got myself worked up about a situation that I had limited control over. There was only so much I could do, and once I did that I just had to let everything take it's course. Even once that happened I was stuck thinking about it, and that is never easy. While I know I need to take care of myself and make sure that I am "okay" before I can help others, it is very hard for me to focus on myself for very long. This week was way too long. The few times I allowed myself to actually talk about what was happening in my mind and life I just ended up either more confused or hurt. Confusion I can handle, being hurt (especially by people I trust) is harder to deal with. I like to listen, not to talk!

Since school ends in 2 1/2 weeks I'm looking forward to my summer schedule and trying to figure out what my time will look like then. Considering my schedule will drastically change from what it is now, and then change every week, it will take some getting used to. I like having a routine, so the summer is going to be a difficult time for me to adjust to. I will, thankfully, not have to be up quite so early, at least most days. There may be a few days at Old Navy that could start at 6 or 7am, but beyond that the earliest I will have to be at work will be 8:30, which beats 7:15 for sure!! I will also be done by 7pm at Sylvan instead of 8! These will all be small but welcomed changes. I'm more worried about having enough hours to pay my bills, stay active and sane. Do I need 50 hours a week? No!! But I have responsibilities and I'd like to be able to make them without added stress.

This weekend has been good. Friends are camping nearby so I've been able to go and visit between shifts. While I like hiking and being outside, I'm not much for living in the woods for an extended period of time, so visiting is enjoyable. Not to mention the fact that there are close to 40 people, and while I don't know all of them, I just can't handle large groups for long periods of time so this really is the best of both worlds. It's been nice to get away for a little while. Plus I have a full day off tomorrow so I can get some laundry done, and hopefully relax, apply for some teaching jobs, and maybe even lay outside and read a good book.