The past 6 days have been a whirlwind, but full of wonderful things. I feel rested and healthy and truly loved. I have mixed feelings about going home.
My brother and I drove down to my parents place in NJ on Friday once I was done teaching. The drive was smooth and we made it to my parents place by 7, right in time for dinner. Anyone who knows my parents knows that they show love with food which means that you eat well. We had a great dinner and then just relaxed for a bit before bed.
Saturday was Christmas Eve which is my favorite family day ever!! It was a little different this year, as it has been since my parents moved to NJ, but it is still a favorite. This day started well, 9 hours of sleep! I can't even remember the last time that happened!! Mom and I went and got our nails done which was a special treat and then did a little shopping which was unexpected. I ended up finding 2 nice dresses, once for church that nice and one for Christmas dinner. When we got home I helped do some cooking and then changed before a family from my parents church came over for dinner around 4:30. Dinner was delicious as usual, rib roast, with garlic mashed potatoes, butternut squash, green beans, salad, bread, and all sorts of cookies for dessert! Christmas Eve church services are always a favorite of mine with the carols and the Christmas story being told, not to mention the candle light. This year was no different. My parents church is bigger than what I am used to but they are happy and it is a nice place. After church we went over to one of their neighbors houses for drinks and dessert. It was nice to meet the people that my parents are spending time with, but it made for a very long night. By the time we got home we had one more family tradition left before bed. Every Christmas Eve we open our stockings before going to bed. We've always done this since we were little and my Dad always did it when he was little. It's just another reason why I love Christmas Eve!!
Christmas Day was just as wonderful! Busy, but wonderful! I got another good nights sleep, but my body still knows it's Christmas and I was up around 8. Once the rest of the family woke up and we made the traditional fire in the fireplace and everyone got coffee we opened gifts. Everyone loved theirs! I love watching everyone open the things I find for them. I was also blessed with some wonderful gifts as well! Once we were done opening presents we made Grandma's waffles. Now these are basic waffles but we put french vanilla ice cream and strawberries on top of them. So delicious, even when they are gluten free! After breakfast, which was really around lunch time, we talked to my grandparents on the phone and then took turns getting dressed and ready for the day. My parents made a few things to take with us to dinner. Then we were off to one of my parents friends houses for dinner. This is a childhood friend of my dad and they have stayed friends since that point and now that they live close to each other they hang out more often. They had a few other families over for dinner as well, a total of 14 people for dinner. It was a lovely meal! We were there until after 11 just talking and socializing. It's kind of funny to watch my parents interact with other adults, and then to be involved in some of the same conversations. Odd what growing up can do.
Monday brought time to relax but also meant saying goodbye to my brother. He had to fly back home because of work. I'll see him once I get back home, but my parents were sad to see him go. My Dad brought him to the airport and my Mom and I went shopping. We had to bring a few things back from Christmas so we went to a few different places. Once we got home we had dinner with Dad and then watched the first of the older Star Wars movies. My Dad got all 6 on Blue Ray for Christmas, so it just seemed right to watch some of them!
Tuesday was another relaxing day. I got another 9 hours of sleep. All week as been at least 8 or 9 each night :) We had a lazy morning and then Mom and I did a bit more shopping. We went to the mall, just to spend time together and look at things. We were looking for a few things in particular and were able to find them which was quite nice. We got home and had left-overs for dinner and then watched Empire Strikes Back! Yay more Star Wars!!
Today was super relaxing!! We did next to nothing! My Dad wasn't feeling great, just kind of fighting a cold, so we all just kind of vegged out. We watched tv and movies all day. And we did watch Return of the Jedi tonight, so we got all three of the older Star Wars movies in!
The plan right now is to drive home tomorrow and spend a few days there before spending New Years with a few friends in Albany. I'm not sure if I'm ready for the reality of "real life" after being here for almost a week. It's been nice not to have any responsibility for a little while. Oh well, life always catches up with us, and I know I needed this time off. I still have a few days of not working, hopefully I'll be able to limit all the thoughts in my head and just continue to relax and enjoy everything.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Another long week
This week has been long and emotional but nothing too exciting has happened. There will be a lot going on the next few weeks I'm sure.
Monday was my last grad class of the semester!! It was nice to be almost done with things.
Tuesday was a rough day for a lot of reasons but it turned into a very long day. School and work were both fine, nothing too out of the ordinary. It was a hard day because of some emotional stuff, which I spent a lot of the night talking to a few friends about. I had to finish up some homework, which made for an even more stressful night on top of the emotions. Long story short, once I finished the homework I talked with friends so that I could feel somewhat sane and calm myself down a bit and somehow ended up being awake until 12:30 or so. Not exactly a good choice when my alarm goes off at 5:45.
Wednesday felt even longer than Tuesday. After only 5 hours of restless sleep I went to school, dealt with a few rowdy kids but for the most part the morning went fine. I did find out that I got a 49/50 on the very long paper that I turned in a few weeks ago. That was a huge relief. I'm not sure how that happened, but I'll take it for sure! I talked with another good friend between jobs which helped a bit and then went into job number 2. Directly after leaving that job I had to tutor for an hour. As much as teaching math until 8:30pm is hard sometimes, the mom of the student I tutor is wonderful. She is always super kind and encouraging to me. At that point it was exactly what I needed.
By Thursday I was emotionally starting to do a little better, I was also physically a little more awake and in less pain. I had to put a few extra hours in at my second job which was frustrating but someone had to do it. One of my coworkers made me a card to cheer me up. A handmade card, with words that rhymed and even a cute math saying on the front. It was kind and heartfelt and honestly was probably the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a long time. I've only known her for a few months now but it meant a lot! After I finally finished work I went over to a friends house. It was exactly what I needed. A low key night with 2 friends. I looked at their honeymoon pictures and helped them decorate cookies and just hung out and talked. Seriously a perfect ending to my night, and my only social interaction of the week and weekend. It was emotionally strengthening and just reminded me that no matter what crap is going on in life, there are people out there that that can make it better, even if it's just for a night.
Friday was super productive! I was only running on about 6 hours of sleep and caffeine but it was totally worth it. After school I got 2 new tires put on my car, then bought a few Christmas presents, and then got a drink with one of my old coworkers from school. It was so great to catch up with her for a little while. There were supposed to be other math teachers there but it ended up being just us, which worked out great. It was nice to be out having a drink with another adult talking about life and catching up instead of out with the intention of getting drunk or drinking all night. I'm starting to realize that my priorities and likes are different than those of the people I have been hanging out with lately. Anyways, after our one drink, I came home, had dinner, and then went to work at Old Navy 7-11pm. It was steady for a little while and then slowed down to the point of being boring. By the time I got home I was ready for bed.
Saturday was full of work and then a lame night off. I worked 10-2 and then 3-7. Both jobs were busier than usual. It was nice to be busy and have things to do. I ran a few errands after work and got home around 8. By that point most of my friends were busy with other things so having a night off was pretty pointless from a social aspect. So I wrapped some Christmas presents and watched a few tv episodes on my computer. I enjoyed a glass of wine and then got some sleep. Not quite what I would have liked to spend my Saturday doing, but it was productive so I can't complain. I had a few students in the morning who were very kind and just made my day. They were high school girls, and they just said a few things that reminded me that teachers do more than just teach and sometimes we can be positive role models for the kids we interact with.
Today was also productive. I worked 8-12 and then came home and did laundry and wrote almost all of my Christmas cards (a little late, but they should go out in the next day or two). I was able to relax a bit which was definitely needed. I'm currently trying to ignore other situations in life and not think about them too much.
This coming week will be rather busy. I will be working around 45 hour plus hopefully adding in a few social things on top of packing and driving to NJ for Christmas with my parents. It will be interesting for sure. It will all fit and work out!
Monday was my last grad class of the semester!! It was nice to be almost done with things.
Tuesday was a rough day for a lot of reasons but it turned into a very long day. School and work were both fine, nothing too out of the ordinary. It was a hard day because of some emotional stuff, which I spent a lot of the night talking to a few friends about. I had to finish up some homework, which made for an even more stressful night on top of the emotions. Long story short, once I finished the homework I talked with friends so that I could feel somewhat sane and calm myself down a bit and somehow ended up being awake until 12:30 or so. Not exactly a good choice when my alarm goes off at 5:45.
Wednesday felt even longer than Tuesday. After only 5 hours of restless sleep I went to school, dealt with a few rowdy kids but for the most part the morning went fine. I did find out that I got a 49/50 on the very long paper that I turned in a few weeks ago. That was a huge relief. I'm not sure how that happened, but I'll take it for sure! I talked with another good friend between jobs which helped a bit and then went into job number 2. Directly after leaving that job I had to tutor for an hour. As much as teaching math until 8:30pm is hard sometimes, the mom of the student I tutor is wonderful. She is always super kind and encouraging to me. At that point it was exactly what I needed.
By Thursday I was emotionally starting to do a little better, I was also physically a little more awake and in less pain. I had to put a few extra hours in at my second job which was frustrating but someone had to do it. One of my coworkers made me a card to cheer me up. A handmade card, with words that rhymed and even a cute math saying on the front. It was kind and heartfelt and honestly was probably the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a long time. I've only known her for a few months now but it meant a lot! After I finally finished work I went over to a friends house. It was exactly what I needed. A low key night with 2 friends. I looked at their honeymoon pictures and helped them decorate cookies and just hung out and talked. Seriously a perfect ending to my night, and my only social interaction of the week and weekend. It was emotionally strengthening and just reminded me that no matter what crap is going on in life, there are people out there that that can make it better, even if it's just for a night.
Friday was super productive! I was only running on about 6 hours of sleep and caffeine but it was totally worth it. After school I got 2 new tires put on my car, then bought a few Christmas presents, and then got a drink with one of my old coworkers from school. It was so great to catch up with her for a little while. There were supposed to be other math teachers there but it ended up being just us, which worked out great. It was nice to be out having a drink with another adult talking about life and catching up instead of out with the intention of getting drunk or drinking all night. I'm starting to realize that my priorities and likes are different than those of the people I have been hanging out with lately. Anyways, after our one drink, I came home, had dinner, and then went to work at Old Navy 7-11pm. It was steady for a little while and then slowed down to the point of being boring. By the time I got home I was ready for bed.
Saturday was full of work and then a lame night off. I worked 10-2 and then 3-7. Both jobs were busier than usual. It was nice to be busy and have things to do. I ran a few errands after work and got home around 8. By that point most of my friends were busy with other things so having a night off was pretty pointless from a social aspect. So I wrapped some Christmas presents and watched a few tv episodes on my computer. I enjoyed a glass of wine and then got some sleep. Not quite what I would have liked to spend my Saturday doing, but it was productive so I can't complain. I had a few students in the morning who were very kind and just made my day. They were high school girls, and they just said a few things that reminded me that teachers do more than just teach and sometimes we can be positive role models for the kids we interact with.
Today was also productive. I worked 8-12 and then came home and did laundry and wrote almost all of my Christmas cards (a little late, but they should go out in the next day or two). I was able to relax a bit which was definitely needed. I'm currently trying to ignore other situations in life and not think about them too much.
This coming week will be rather busy. I will be working around 45 hour plus hopefully adding in a few social things on top of packing and driving to NJ for Christmas with my parents. It will be interesting for sure. It will all fit and work out!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Life, Pain, Stress, Happiness, and a Day Off!!
I will preface this whole post with this statement: it will be long, full of lots of stories, and lots of emotions.
Last weekend was very stressful for a variety of reasons, some of which I will outline and some of which I won't. Most importantly between Friday, Saturday and Sunday I worked a total of 23 hours, which doesn't sound horrible, but I also had to write a paper, that ended up being 25 pages long (with appendices). The paper had to be about a misconception in math that students face, that has been researched, that I could interview a couple students about, and then relate it to the research I had done. I chose division of fractions.
Friday was mainly working, and the time that wasn't spent working was spent prepping for the next job. Saturday was supposed to be split between working, then writing, and then working again. It did not work out that way for a variety of reasons. Writing a paper about division of fractions while emotional doesn't work, so nothing was written on Saturday.
Sunday was an interesting day. I woke up and there was water leaking out of the bottom of the baseboards underneath my sink in the kitchen, so I cleaned it up and ran to work. I came home from work 5 hours later to a full sink, water all over the counters and the floor. Now neither my roommate nor I had been home in that period to use the water. So I called the emergency number for our apartment building and within an hour a maintenance person was looking at it. Writing a paper while there is someone running stuff through your drains is a lot of fun, let me tell you!! I left for an hour to tutor, came home to what was still a mess but there was no one in my apartment. 20 minutes later an actual plumber shows up and finally fixes the problem within 45 minutes. Yay working sink!! By that point I needed a break so I went to a friends house and had a lovely pizza dinner! They were wonderful enough to make a gluten free crust and everything :) I seriously have some awesome friends! Sadly I only stayed for an hour or so and then came back to face the daunting paper. I wrote until 10:45, (45 minutes past my bedtime) at which point the words I was typing and the words in my head weren't making any sense and I gave up and just went to bed. At that point I only had 12 pages of substance, meaning 22 with all the appendices.
Monday rolled around and I headed into school on about 6 1/2 hours of sleep. The students were relatively good, nothing too out of the ordinary. I went straight home and continued working on my paper. Class started at 6pm so the paper had to be done before then. I got home from school at 1, had lunch and typed. I was done writing around 3:30, took a short break and then edited it once and sent it to my professor around 5. In the end it was 16 pages of substance, 25 total. I'm alright with how it turned out and we'll see what kind of grade I get. The class itself went alright, more interesting than normal. Plus we got out 40 minutes early which was a plus for sure. I even got 7 hours of sleep that night!!
The rest of the week had a few long days but for the most part they were worth it. Tuesday included coffee with a good friend between jobs. It was a much needed conversation that reminded me that things will get better and they could always be worse. It also showed me that I can handle most of the things going on in my life but that it's okay to ask for help and talk it out.
Wednesday night a few friends had people over to make gingerbread houses. I couldn't get over there until 9pm (after working and tutoring), and only stayed for about an hour but it was so good to see people! Just to get hugs and be reminded of the true kindness of people made it worth the lack of sleep.
Thursday was a pretty typical day that left me emotionally conflicted for a variety of reasons. I was physically exhausted because of work and was starting to stress out about the fact that I was going to be cooking for 15 people the next day.
Friday was intense! Let's just say that when I planned to make food for friends once a month I wasn't planning on feeding this many people. It was a lot of fun and totally worth it but I hadn't really thought it through when I invited everyone. As of Friday morning I was planning for about 15 people. So after school I went to BJ's to get a ham and then went to Wegman's to get everything I needed to make macaroni and cheese. I spent the next 4 hours making brownies, doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, and cooking ham and mac and cheese. The recipe for the mac and cheese is at the end of the post. The ham was just a pre-cooked one that you had to stick in the oven and put the glaze on top of so it was super easy. I'm slightly amazed it all turned out well. I didn't stop moving all day! People started coming over around 6:15 and we were off running! Almost all of the food was gone! People brought salad and bread and wine and desserts. We had a great time, playing games and talking. It was a wonderful night, I couldn't have asked for anything more! I'm honestly shocked by how many people fit into my apartment, ate food, and had fun. What a wonderful reminder of the power of friends. Most people left around 9:30 to go to a show, but a few friends stayed to help me clean and play games and just hang out which was perfect!
Saturday was another long day. 4 hours of work at one job, then a quick break, a 4 hour shift which was kindly cut down to a 3 hour shift. I got home, finished cleaning from the night before and then went to a friends place to watch the debate and relax. I wasn't too interested in the debate, although there were some interesting topics discussed, I really just wanted to be social and spend some time with friends. It was a good night. I've been reminded lately how important it is for me to be out of my bubble and not stuck in work.
Today I was off!! It was my first day off in 20 days. Since I went to Boston I've worked at least a 4 hour shift everyday, most days at least 8 hours. So today, I slept until 7 and laid in bed dozing until 9. My body hasn't been letting me fully sleep in but it let's me sort of sleep after it wakes me up initially so I'll take it. I got up and tutored for an hour, which I'm not counting as really working. I ran a few errands and then came home. I wrapped Christmas presents, watched a few tv shows online and tried to sort of clean my room up a little bit. Basically I did nothing. It was so nice to not have to be places at specific times! Let's just say 20 days straight was too long and hopefully that won't happen again.
The title of this post includes a lot of things and most of them have been touched upon. The one that hasn't is pain. There has been some emotional pain/conflict within the past week, which I'm not going to get into. It seems to be working itself out and I'm handling it the way I know best. Physically today has been good for me. My body was definitely attacking me for working a lot. By the end of the week I was physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. I'm feeling better. My headaches have been holding steady for the most part. Last week was worse because of the stress and lack of sleep for sure. The past few days have been a little better. I'm hoping they continue to lessen in intensity, or at least stay at this level. There are always bad days but if I can avoid them I'd like to.
I know this is a long post and there is a lot of randomness going into it. Somehow it is all connected in my head and it all makes sense. Hopefully it isn't too boring to anyone who is reading this. If it is feel free to stop reading.
I've been listening to a lot of Christmas music lately and the lyrics are so powerful! One song by Relient K has been sticking with me. It's called "Merry Christmas, Here's to Many More." The first verse and chorus is copied below because it is the part that just hits me. Lately the feelings expressed in the beginning of this song are exactly how I've been feeling. And you get to the chorus and it's just the reminder I've had each time I've been with friends lately. Even if they've been different groups of friends, and not situations I'd normally put myself into, it's been enough to remind me that I'm not totally alone and that things aren't that bad. They've added to the happiness factor in my life for sure.
I made it through the year and I did not even collapse
Gotta say, "Thank God, for that"
I'm torn between what keeps me whole and what tears me in half
I'll fall apart or stay intact
With tired eyes I stumble back to bed
I need to realize my sorry life's not hanging by a thread
At least not yet
So look at me now
Its finally Christmas and I'm home
Head indoors, to get out of this weather
And I don't know how
But the closest friends I've ever known are all inside
Singing together
Singing merry Christmas, here's to many more
Last weekend was very stressful for a variety of reasons, some of which I will outline and some of which I won't. Most importantly between Friday, Saturday and Sunday I worked a total of 23 hours, which doesn't sound horrible, but I also had to write a paper, that ended up being 25 pages long (with appendices). The paper had to be about a misconception in math that students face, that has been researched, that I could interview a couple students about, and then relate it to the research I had done. I chose division of fractions.
Friday was mainly working, and the time that wasn't spent working was spent prepping for the next job. Saturday was supposed to be split between working, then writing, and then working again. It did not work out that way for a variety of reasons. Writing a paper about division of fractions while emotional doesn't work, so nothing was written on Saturday.
Sunday was an interesting day. I woke up and there was water leaking out of the bottom of the baseboards underneath my sink in the kitchen, so I cleaned it up and ran to work. I came home from work 5 hours later to a full sink, water all over the counters and the floor. Now neither my roommate nor I had been home in that period to use the water. So I called the emergency number for our apartment building and within an hour a maintenance person was looking at it. Writing a paper while there is someone running stuff through your drains is a lot of fun, let me tell you!! I left for an hour to tutor, came home to what was still a mess but there was no one in my apartment. 20 minutes later an actual plumber shows up and finally fixes the problem within 45 minutes. Yay working sink!! By that point I needed a break so I went to a friends house and had a lovely pizza dinner! They were wonderful enough to make a gluten free crust and everything :) I seriously have some awesome friends! Sadly I only stayed for an hour or so and then came back to face the daunting paper. I wrote until 10:45, (45 minutes past my bedtime) at which point the words I was typing and the words in my head weren't making any sense and I gave up and just went to bed. At that point I only had 12 pages of substance, meaning 22 with all the appendices.
Monday rolled around and I headed into school on about 6 1/2 hours of sleep. The students were relatively good, nothing too out of the ordinary. I went straight home and continued working on my paper. Class started at 6pm so the paper had to be done before then. I got home from school at 1, had lunch and typed. I was done writing around 3:30, took a short break and then edited it once and sent it to my professor around 5. In the end it was 16 pages of substance, 25 total. I'm alright with how it turned out and we'll see what kind of grade I get. The class itself went alright, more interesting than normal. Plus we got out 40 minutes early which was a plus for sure. I even got 7 hours of sleep that night!!
The rest of the week had a few long days but for the most part they were worth it. Tuesday included coffee with a good friend between jobs. It was a much needed conversation that reminded me that things will get better and they could always be worse. It also showed me that I can handle most of the things going on in my life but that it's okay to ask for help and talk it out.
Wednesday night a few friends had people over to make gingerbread houses. I couldn't get over there until 9pm (after working and tutoring), and only stayed for about an hour but it was so good to see people! Just to get hugs and be reminded of the true kindness of people made it worth the lack of sleep.
Thursday was a pretty typical day that left me emotionally conflicted for a variety of reasons. I was physically exhausted because of work and was starting to stress out about the fact that I was going to be cooking for 15 people the next day.
Friday was intense! Let's just say that when I planned to make food for friends once a month I wasn't planning on feeding this many people. It was a lot of fun and totally worth it but I hadn't really thought it through when I invited everyone. As of Friday morning I was planning for about 15 people. So after school I went to BJ's to get a ham and then went to Wegman's to get everything I needed to make macaroni and cheese. I spent the next 4 hours making brownies, doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, and cooking ham and mac and cheese. The recipe for the mac and cheese is at the end of the post. The ham was just a pre-cooked one that you had to stick in the oven and put the glaze on top of so it was super easy. I'm slightly amazed it all turned out well. I didn't stop moving all day! People started coming over around 6:15 and we were off running! Almost all of the food was gone! People brought salad and bread and wine and desserts. We had a great time, playing games and talking. It was a wonderful night, I couldn't have asked for anything more! I'm honestly shocked by how many people fit into my apartment, ate food, and had fun. What a wonderful reminder of the power of friends. Most people left around 9:30 to go to a show, but a few friends stayed to help me clean and play games and just hang out which was perfect!
Saturday was another long day. 4 hours of work at one job, then a quick break, a 4 hour shift which was kindly cut down to a 3 hour shift. I got home, finished cleaning from the night before and then went to a friends place to watch the debate and relax. I wasn't too interested in the debate, although there were some interesting topics discussed, I really just wanted to be social and spend some time with friends. It was a good night. I've been reminded lately how important it is for me to be out of my bubble and not stuck in work.
Today I was off!! It was my first day off in 20 days. Since I went to Boston I've worked at least a 4 hour shift everyday, most days at least 8 hours. So today, I slept until 7 and laid in bed dozing until 9. My body hasn't been letting me fully sleep in but it let's me sort of sleep after it wakes me up initially so I'll take it. I got up and tutored for an hour, which I'm not counting as really working. I ran a few errands and then came home. I wrapped Christmas presents, watched a few tv shows online and tried to sort of clean my room up a little bit. Basically I did nothing. It was so nice to not have to be places at specific times! Let's just say 20 days straight was too long and hopefully that won't happen again.
The title of this post includes a lot of things and most of them have been touched upon. The one that hasn't is pain. There has been some emotional pain/conflict within the past week, which I'm not going to get into. It seems to be working itself out and I'm handling it the way I know best. Physically today has been good for me. My body was definitely attacking me for working a lot. By the end of the week I was physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. I'm feeling better. My headaches have been holding steady for the most part. Last week was worse because of the stress and lack of sleep for sure. The past few days have been a little better. I'm hoping they continue to lessen in intensity, or at least stay at this level. There are always bad days but if I can avoid them I'd like to.
I know this is a long post and there is a lot of randomness going into it. Somehow it is all connected in my head and it all makes sense. Hopefully it isn't too boring to anyone who is reading this. If it is feel free to stop reading.
I've been listening to a lot of Christmas music lately and the lyrics are so powerful! One song by Relient K has been sticking with me. It's called "Merry Christmas, Here's to Many More." The first verse and chorus is copied below because it is the part that just hits me. Lately the feelings expressed in the beginning of this song are exactly how I've been feeling. And you get to the chorus and it's just the reminder I've had each time I've been with friends lately. Even if they've been different groups of friends, and not situations I'd normally put myself into, it's been enough to remind me that I'm not totally alone and that things aren't that bad. They've added to the happiness factor in my life for sure.
I made it through the year and I did not even collapse
Gotta say, "Thank God, for that"
I'm torn between what keeps me whole and what tears me in half
I'll fall apart or stay intact
With tired eyes I stumble back to bed
I need to realize my sorry life's not hanging by a thread
At least not yet
So look at me now
Its finally Christmas and I'm home
Head indoors, to get out of this weather
And I don't know how
But the closest friends I've ever known are all inside
Singing together
Singing merry Christmas, here's to many more
Ok here is the Mac and Cheese recipe as promised
Mac and Cheese (can be multiplied easily- I quadrupled the recipe)
Mac and Cheese (can be multiplied easily- I quadrupled the recipe)
Ingredients:
3 tbsp. butter
3 tbsp. flour (if gluten free use white rice flour)
2 cups milk
1/2 cup Velvetta
1/2 cup shredded cheddar
1/2 tsp. salt
1/8 tsp. paprika
few grains cayenne pepper
1/2 box elbow noodles (1/2 pound- if using gluten free I used brown rice noodles)
Directions:
Cook noodles as directed. If using gluten free noodles cook for about half the time because they will soak up liquid as it bakes and will become mushy otherwise. If using regular noodles slightly under cook noodles.
Melt butter and add flour whisking together to thicken. Stir in the milk slowly (it helps if you have microwaved the milk so it is at least room temperature already) and allow it to boil momentarily. Reduce heat slightly and add cheese. Once melted completely add seasoning.
Mix noodles and sauce together and add to a baking dish. I use a large foil pan (for lots of people) or a small casserole dish for only a single batch. For a single batch-bake 350 degrees for 20 minutes covered and then 10 minutes uncovered. For a very large batch-bake 350 degrees for 50 minutes covered and 10 minutes uncovered.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Totally Crazy?!
I might be totally crazy any making my life even more difficult. I realized Monday that my life was quickly becoming stressful and spinning a little more out of control than I'd like it to be, and yet it's all because of things I'm doing to myself.
Class Monday went well, we had a good discussion about inquiry in the classroom which was quite refreshing. We did find out that the paper that is due next class averages at least 20 pages long. We've been working on pieces of it all semester long, but the pieces that we have so far are rough drafts and add up to about 8 pages. Let's just say that stressed me out. Since that point I've gotten the interviews done with students that I needed to and they've been typed up, but I still need to analyse them and see how they fit into my research and what the heck I can actually say about it all.
I also decided to start tutoring a student on the side that I worked with the end of last school year. It's only an hour or two a week, which isn't a big deal really, just makes for a few slightly longer days, and a little bit of prep ahead of time to make sure I have some geometry stuff to work on in case he doesn't have a lot of homework that day or needs to review specific topics. It's great experience and work in general, it just makes me feel kind of crazy to be taking that on in addition to already working 3 jobs (aka about 55 hours a week).
At the same time my body seems to be rebelling against me. My headache has been slightly worse this week than the past few, which isn't saying a whole lot but it hurts. Seeing stars occasionally is scary, especially when I'm trying to be productive. And being in significant, constant, pain is draining physically and emotionally and it's making the stress of other things that much harder to deal with. I'm trying not to think about the pain and more importantly I'm trying to ignore it, and eat and use caffeine and sleep and all the other little things I know help a little bit, but it just doesn't seem to be working which scares me for the next few days because if this gets much worse I'm going to be stuck in bed, making writing a nearly paper impossible.
Emotionally I'm on an edge. Sometimes I'm fine and other times I feel like I'm in a hole. The mom of the boy I tutor was so nice to me tonight and really lifted me up. She kept telling me how great I was and joked about how she was searching for me and how I couldn't find another job for at least another year. It helped for sure. It's just really hard because right now I want to be happy, and I know I should be. I've got 3 jobs, a place to live and a loving family. But when I look at my life that's not when I see. I see the 1 job I don't really like, the fact that I don't have time to do anything with my "friends" and that I don't have a social life at all. It's hard to be optimistic after 6 1/2 years of pain. Do I think things are on the verge of getting better? Possibly, but at the same time there are so many other things going on in my life that I can't control it just seems hard to believe.
On a positive note, another thing to cross off the 25 before 25 list. I lost those pesky 15 pounds. It was mainly due to the medication I'm on. The side effect of appetite suppressant has made it pretty easy. It hasn't been the healthiest way to lose the weight I'm sure, but it's kind of a nice accomplishment.
The next few days are packed full of events...really just things to get done. Tomorrow I'm "teaching" an inquiry lesson with a few grad school classmates in one of their classrooms between jobs, and then getting dinner with my brother after work. Yep it'll be at 7-8:30 kind of day. Friday I've got school as usual and then we are doing a Math Night at one of the local elementary schools so I get to play games with kids all night. Then Saturday and Sunday it's work and paper writing!!
Class Monday went well, we had a good discussion about inquiry in the classroom which was quite refreshing. We did find out that the paper that is due next class averages at least 20 pages long. We've been working on pieces of it all semester long, but the pieces that we have so far are rough drafts and add up to about 8 pages. Let's just say that stressed me out. Since that point I've gotten the interviews done with students that I needed to and they've been typed up, but I still need to analyse them and see how they fit into my research and what the heck I can actually say about it all.
I also decided to start tutoring a student on the side that I worked with the end of last school year. It's only an hour or two a week, which isn't a big deal really, just makes for a few slightly longer days, and a little bit of prep ahead of time to make sure I have some geometry stuff to work on in case he doesn't have a lot of homework that day or needs to review specific topics. It's great experience and work in general, it just makes me feel kind of crazy to be taking that on in addition to already working 3 jobs (aka about 55 hours a week).
At the same time my body seems to be rebelling against me. My headache has been slightly worse this week than the past few, which isn't saying a whole lot but it hurts. Seeing stars occasionally is scary, especially when I'm trying to be productive. And being in significant, constant, pain is draining physically and emotionally and it's making the stress of other things that much harder to deal with. I'm trying not to think about the pain and more importantly I'm trying to ignore it, and eat and use caffeine and sleep and all the other little things I know help a little bit, but it just doesn't seem to be working which scares me for the next few days because if this gets much worse I'm going to be stuck in bed, making writing a nearly paper impossible.
Emotionally I'm on an edge. Sometimes I'm fine and other times I feel like I'm in a hole. The mom of the boy I tutor was so nice to me tonight and really lifted me up. She kept telling me how great I was and joked about how she was searching for me and how I couldn't find another job for at least another year. It helped for sure. It's just really hard because right now I want to be happy, and I know I should be. I've got 3 jobs, a place to live and a loving family. But when I look at my life that's not when I see. I see the 1 job I don't really like, the fact that I don't have time to do anything with my "friends" and that I don't have a social life at all. It's hard to be optimistic after 6 1/2 years of pain. Do I think things are on the verge of getting better? Possibly, but at the same time there are so many other things going on in my life that I can't control it just seems hard to believe.
On a positive note, another thing to cross off the 25 before 25 list. I lost those pesky 15 pounds. It was mainly due to the medication I'm on. The side effect of appetite suppressant has made it pretty easy. It hasn't been the healthiest way to lose the weight I'm sure, but it's kind of a nice accomplishment.
The next few days are packed full of events...really just things to get done. Tomorrow I'm "teaching" an inquiry lesson with a few grad school classmates in one of their classrooms between jobs, and then getting dinner with my brother after work. Yep it'll be at 7-8:30 kind of day. Friday I've got school as usual and then we are doing a Math Night at one of the local elementary schools so I get to play games with kids all night. Then Saturday and Sunday it's work and paper writing!!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Thanksgiving and Retail Madness
I can't believe it is almost December! This past week and weekend have been a bit of a whirlwind but everything went smoothly.
School and work at Mathnasium kept me busy the beginning half of the week. Working full days Monday-Wednesday will do that. I was lucky enough to hang out with friends Wednesday night for a while. It was great to just be with people for a bit. I didn't have to be at work the next day until the afternoon so I made it until almost midnight before passing out.
Thanksgiving was hard for me. Both this and last year I didn't go to my parents house since it is such a quick weekend (and impossible to get Black Friday off at Old Navy). Being around friends on Wednesday night reminded me of a lot of different things. It made me grateful but also very lonely. I tried to sleep in on Thursday but my body decided to try to get me up every hour from 5:30-8:30... eventually I just gave in and got up at 8:30. Still a decent amount of sleep which was helpful for sure. I made some gluten free stuffing based off of my Mom's recipe that she always uses so I had a little taste of home. Then I just tried to relax and not think too much. I talked to my parents briefly right before I went into work, they were at a friends house and I was driving so the emotions stayed out of the conversation. I spent Thanksgiving working 2-11pm. Let me tell you in some ways I think it was the best thing for me. In other ways it really sucked! I worked with some great people and I had nice customers, but it was a very long shift! People started lining up outside the door right after we closed around 8:30, and by 11 when I left the line was a little ridiculous! The whole plaza looked busy and I was glad to be leaving! What made it even better was to come home and hang out with an old friend for a few hours. It was the only time I'd be able to see him over the weekend but it was worth it. To sit, talk, share a drink, and catch up on life with a true friend- that's what Thanksgiving is!
Oh Black Friday madness!! After about 5 1/2 hours of sleep I went back to work. By the time I got there it wasn't too busy. We were steady all day which made the shift go quickly but for the most part all of the "crazy" shoppers were gone by 3am. I worked 9am-6pm and then came home and ate dinner and just sat down for a little while. As much as that is a normal work day it was quite tiring because I felt like I had been surrounded by people the whole time! I was again blessed with friends that night. A bunch of people got together to hang out and catch up. I was able to see a few people I hadn't seen in a while which was nice. I had to cut the night short (10:30-lame I know) because I had to get up for work the next morning.
5am shifts should not exist!! After about 4 hours of sleep I headed back to work to help with signage there. Because it is such a busy weekend they were changing the prices and signs for everything daily. So I worked 5-9. It was nice to be done by 9 but my body was not happy. My headaches had been better recently but as yesterday wore on it kept getting worse despite taking a nap and laying low most of the day. I was considering meeting up with friends again last night but there was no way my body would have let me do it and then work today, so I sadly took care of myself instead.
I got a full nights sleep and worked 7-11 this morning. Still an early morning but easier to do than 5 for sure. Today I'm just trying to lay low before getting back into a full work week. Plus having a week to write a big paper will make it a lot of fun. My head is still bothering me, which is annoying given the fact that the past week had been so much better. I'm hoping that another early night and a good meal will make it better. The medicine (despite the horrible side effects) seems to be making some sort of change, and I'm hoping that it continues.
I'm thankful for the people in my life, for the jobs that I have, and for the distractions of life! I hope you were all able to have a healthy, happy Thanksgiving.
School and work at Mathnasium kept me busy the beginning half of the week. Working full days Monday-Wednesday will do that. I was lucky enough to hang out with friends Wednesday night for a while. It was great to just be with people for a bit. I didn't have to be at work the next day until the afternoon so I made it until almost midnight before passing out.
Thanksgiving was hard for me. Both this and last year I didn't go to my parents house since it is such a quick weekend (and impossible to get Black Friday off at Old Navy). Being around friends on Wednesday night reminded me of a lot of different things. It made me grateful but also very lonely. I tried to sleep in on Thursday but my body decided to try to get me up every hour from 5:30-8:30... eventually I just gave in and got up at 8:30. Still a decent amount of sleep which was helpful for sure. I made some gluten free stuffing based off of my Mom's recipe that she always uses so I had a little taste of home. Then I just tried to relax and not think too much. I talked to my parents briefly right before I went into work, they were at a friends house and I was driving so the emotions stayed out of the conversation. I spent Thanksgiving working 2-11pm. Let me tell you in some ways I think it was the best thing for me. In other ways it really sucked! I worked with some great people and I had nice customers, but it was a very long shift! People started lining up outside the door right after we closed around 8:30, and by 11 when I left the line was a little ridiculous! The whole plaza looked busy and I was glad to be leaving! What made it even better was to come home and hang out with an old friend for a few hours. It was the only time I'd be able to see him over the weekend but it was worth it. To sit, talk, share a drink, and catch up on life with a true friend- that's what Thanksgiving is!
Oh Black Friday madness!! After about 5 1/2 hours of sleep I went back to work. By the time I got there it wasn't too busy. We were steady all day which made the shift go quickly but for the most part all of the "crazy" shoppers were gone by 3am. I worked 9am-6pm and then came home and ate dinner and just sat down for a little while. As much as that is a normal work day it was quite tiring because I felt like I had been surrounded by people the whole time! I was again blessed with friends that night. A bunch of people got together to hang out and catch up. I was able to see a few people I hadn't seen in a while which was nice. I had to cut the night short (10:30-lame I know) because I had to get up for work the next morning.
5am shifts should not exist!! After about 4 hours of sleep I headed back to work to help with signage there. Because it is such a busy weekend they were changing the prices and signs for everything daily. So I worked 5-9. It was nice to be done by 9 but my body was not happy. My headaches had been better recently but as yesterday wore on it kept getting worse despite taking a nap and laying low most of the day. I was considering meeting up with friends again last night but there was no way my body would have let me do it and then work today, so I sadly took care of myself instead.
I got a full nights sleep and worked 7-11 this morning. Still an early morning but easier to do than 5 for sure. Today I'm just trying to lay low before getting back into a full work week. Plus having a week to write a big paper will make it a lot of fun. My head is still bothering me, which is annoying given the fact that the past week had been so much better. I'm hoping that another early night and a good meal will make it better. The medicine (despite the horrible side effects) seems to be making some sort of change, and I'm hoping that it continues.
I'm thankful for the people in my life, for the jobs that I have, and for the distractions of life! I hope you were all able to have a healthy, happy Thanksgiving.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Boston!!
Well one of the things on my 25 before 25 list was to take a vacation just for fun. And while my trip to Boston wasn't a long trip and wasn't truly a planned vacation it was exactly the kind of thing I needed at the right time. So for now it is counting, in less I run into money in the next 9 months and can take another trip.
I found out about the trip Monday the 14th. A bunch of friends were planning on going that weekend (18-20). Did I want to go, sure... but I was scheduled to work two closing shifts at Old Navy and at Mathnasium on Saturday morning so the likelihood that I was going to be able to go seemed pretty slim. I started realizing that I couldn't remember the last time I had a full weekend off (I think it was in August) and the last time I truly did something for myself for fun seemed kind of distant too. While it seemed illogical and irrational in my head I decided that it was something I needed to try to do, so I begged and pleaded with everyone I knew from Old Navy to take my shifts. It was the weekend to go out of town though because everyone I asked was already either working, requested off, or couldn't do it. I lucked out (and sold my soul to my manager) because my managers were willing to give my shifts to one of the new girls who was hired seasonally and had just started. They never do stuff like this but after I got the "Don't let this happen again" talk, they told me to have fun! I found out Wednesday I could go and was super excited the rest of the week!
The trip itself was a lot of fun. Not quite what I expected, but I'm not sure what I expected. I reconnected with a good friend from high school and we stuck together like glue for most of the weekend which was great. Friday night we left Rochester and got into Boston a little before 1am. We drank for a bit and hung out before crashing!
Saturday most of the girls got up and got breakfast with a friend who lives in town there and we saw her new house. I was hoping to meet up with a few other friends who live in Boston but planning just didn't work out which was a bummer. Saturday afternoon we went to the Science Museum. I turn into a small child in hands-on museums and this was no exception!! There was a whole room about math, with a timeline of mathematicians and awesome explanations of basic math principals we all use and regularly take for granted. We also saw the lightning storm presentation which was super cool!! After the museum we grabbed dinner and relaxed for a bit before having a fun night!
Sunday we were up and going relatively early. We drove into the city (an interesting experience to say the least). We went to Quincy Market and Faneuil Hall for lunch and then to window shop for a little while before driving home. I got home around 9pm and was ready for bed immediately!
It was a great weekend. Not what I expected, although by now I should know that with my friends I shouldn't have expectations at all. I had fun, I got out of town, I didn't do any work for 2 days, and most importantly I did something I wanted to do, for me!!
I found out about the trip Monday the 14th. A bunch of friends were planning on going that weekend (18-20). Did I want to go, sure... but I was scheduled to work two closing shifts at Old Navy and at Mathnasium on Saturday morning so the likelihood that I was going to be able to go seemed pretty slim. I started realizing that I couldn't remember the last time I had a full weekend off (I think it was in August) and the last time I truly did something for myself for fun seemed kind of distant too. While it seemed illogical and irrational in my head I decided that it was something I needed to try to do, so I begged and pleaded with everyone I knew from Old Navy to take my shifts. It was the weekend to go out of town though because everyone I asked was already either working, requested off, or couldn't do it. I lucked out (and sold my soul to my manager) because my managers were willing to give my shifts to one of the new girls who was hired seasonally and had just started. They never do stuff like this but after I got the "Don't let this happen again" talk, they told me to have fun! I found out Wednesday I could go and was super excited the rest of the week!
The trip itself was a lot of fun. Not quite what I expected, but I'm not sure what I expected. I reconnected with a good friend from high school and we stuck together like glue for most of the weekend which was great. Friday night we left Rochester and got into Boston a little before 1am. We drank for a bit and hung out before crashing!
Saturday most of the girls got up and got breakfast with a friend who lives in town there and we saw her new house. I was hoping to meet up with a few other friends who live in Boston but planning just didn't work out which was a bummer. Saturday afternoon we went to the Science Museum. I turn into a small child in hands-on museums and this was no exception!! There was a whole room about math, with a timeline of mathematicians and awesome explanations of basic math principals we all use and regularly take for granted. We also saw the lightning storm presentation which was super cool!! After the museum we grabbed dinner and relaxed for a bit before having a fun night!
Sunday we were up and going relatively early. We drove into the city (an interesting experience to say the least). We went to Quincy Market and Faneuil Hall for lunch and then to window shop for a little while before driving home. I got home around 9pm and was ready for bed immediately!
It was a great weekend. Not what I expected, although by now I should know that with my friends I shouldn't have expectations at all. I had fun, I got out of town, I didn't do any work for 2 days, and most importantly I did something I wanted to do, for me!!
Friday, November 11, 2011
Long Week and a Night at the Club
As the holiday season picks up at Old Navy I'm getting schedule more there on the weekends, which means that I'm going longer without days off. I worked 12 days straight, at least 4 hours a day, most days were 9 hours each. Really they are just long days and by the end of the night I'm ready to crash. This week was full of fun things beyond work, which is always a plus, but also make for longer days.
Monday I woke up with random pain in my back. It seemed to be where my kidneys are. Plus I've been super thirsty. I was concerned but within a day my neurologists office called my back and told me to stay hydrated and that I should be fine. The pain has pretty much gone away, just a scary thing and not a fun way to start my week.
Tuesday my bosses at Mathnasium took all of us out to dinner. We had a nice dinner at a great Italian place! It was relatively painless. I enjoyed my coworkers company and it was a good meal so I can't complain. Not getting home until 9:30 was kind of difficult but I just crawled into bed shortly after that and things worked out fine.
Wednesday was a jam packed day! I had 5 hours of work at school, then lunch with a good friend who lives out of town and that I haven't seen in way too long, then straight into 5 hours of work, and finally over to a Pampered Chef party that my friend was throwing where I reconnected with a friend who I hadn't seen since high school. It was a fun day. Seeing everyone was a plus. The party was a lot of fun! Buying kitchen stuff is dangerous because there are so many things that look awesome! Seeing girl friends who I hadn't seen in a while was also a plus. This work schedule keeps me pretty busy so as much as I try to make time to see friends, balancing it with the pain and the time needed to work and everything else can be tricky.
Thursday was another long day but it ended with an awesome night!! School and work both went fine. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Since I have today off I told a few friends that I would go out with them at night. This turned into tackling one of the things on my 25 before 25 list. Before last night I had never been to a club before. Let me tell you, it was a little scary at first, but I was with people I trusted and knew I'd be okay.
So after work I went over and had dinner with some friends and then we went to Tilt, which is actually a gay bar/nightclub in town. It was a very interesting experience. I wasn't sure what to expect, I knew there would be a drag show, music, and lots of dancing! All of that was true. I ended up having a lot of fun. My headache cooperated with my long enough to get me through most of the night without wanting to explode too much. I enjoyed dancing with my friends and the drag show was definitely interesting to say the least. Overall it was a blast, something I will do again (when I don't have work the next day). Thank you to all of my friends who went out with me and made sure I was okay!
Today I am just trying to lay low and relax. I'm catching up on sleep, watching tv shows, reading books, and just finding ways to relax in what ever way possible. I got my work schedule for next week and I know that I'll at least be working for the next 8 days straight, possibly more. As much as I love holiday season, sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself!
Monday I woke up with random pain in my back. It seemed to be where my kidneys are. Plus I've been super thirsty. I was concerned but within a day my neurologists office called my back and told me to stay hydrated and that I should be fine. The pain has pretty much gone away, just a scary thing and not a fun way to start my week.
Tuesday my bosses at Mathnasium took all of us out to dinner. We had a nice dinner at a great Italian place! It was relatively painless. I enjoyed my coworkers company and it was a good meal so I can't complain. Not getting home until 9:30 was kind of difficult but I just crawled into bed shortly after that and things worked out fine.
Wednesday was a jam packed day! I had 5 hours of work at school, then lunch with a good friend who lives out of town and that I haven't seen in way too long, then straight into 5 hours of work, and finally over to a Pampered Chef party that my friend was throwing where I reconnected with a friend who I hadn't seen since high school. It was a fun day. Seeing everyone was a plus. The party was a lot of fun! Buying kitchen stuff is dangerous because there are so many things that look awesome! Seeing girl friends who I hadn't seen in a while was also a plus. This work schedule keeps me pretty busy so as much as I try to make time to see friends, balancing it with the pain and the time needed to work and everything else can be tricky.
Thursday was another long day but it ended with an awesome night!! School and work both went fine. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Since I have today off I told a few friends that I would go out with them at night. This turned into tackling one of the things on my 25 before 25 list. Before last night I had never been to a club before. Let me tell you, it was a little scary at first, but I was with people I trusted and knew I'd be okay.
So after work I went over and had dinner with some friends and then we went to Tilt, which is actually a gay bar/nightclub in town. It was a very interesting experience. I wasn't sure what to expect, I knew there would be a drag show, music, and lots of dancing! All of that was true. I ended up having a lot of fun. My headache cooperated with my long enough to get me through most of the night without wanting to explode too much. I enjoyed dancing with my friends and the drag show was definitely interesting to say the least. Overall it was a blast, something I will do again (when I don't have work the next day). Thank you to all of my friends who went out with me and made sure I was okay!
Today I am just trying to lay low and relax. I'm catching up on sleep, watching tv shows, reading books, and just finding ways to relax in what ever way possible. I got my work schedule for next week and I know that I'll at least be working for the next 8 days straight, possibly more. As much as I love holiday season, sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
An insightful and eye-opening view of the world
I just finished Born on a Blue Day: Inside the Extraordinary Mind of an Autistic Savant by Daniel Tammet. Talk about an amazing book. I randomly saw this book one day on the shelf of a book store, read the back of it and it kind of stuck in my head so I ordered it. Daniel Tammet is a man who is highly functioning and has Aspergers syndrome. He is brilliant and the book details his life from childhood through where he is now.
He is a savant, similar to the character in Rain Man. He discusses his love of numbers and how he views them. In the beginning of the book he says "No matter where I go or what I'm doing, number are never far from my thoughts. Numbers are my friends, and they are always around me." To Daniel, each number is a different shape, color and texture. He sees them in his head and when doing mathematics problems they all work together in his head to form what he calls a mathematical landscape. I have to say I'm a little jealous! He memorized over 22,000 digits of pi and broke a record!!
The book isn't limited to his abilities. It also details his struggles as a child and the trails he went through with his family. The bright spots include how he was able to overcome some of the social pressures and stigmas surrounding autism and has truly become independent.
I suggest the book to anyone interested in reading about someone who has a unique ability to learn math and languages (several different ones), while limited by a disease that effects 1 in 110 children.
He is a savant, similar to the character in Rain Man. He discusses his love of numbers and how he views them. In the beginning of the book he says "No matter where I go or what I'm doing, number are never far from my thoughts. Numbers are my friends, and they are always around me." To Daniel, each number is a different shape, color and texture. He sees them in his head and when doing mathematics problems they all work together in his head to form what he calls a mathematical landscape. I have to say I'm a little jealous! He memorized over 22,000 digits of pi and broke a record!!
The book isn't limited to his abilities. It also details his struggles as a child and the trails he went through with his family. The bright spots include how he was able to overcome some of the social pressures and stigmas surrounding autism and has truly become independent.
I suggest the book to anyone interested in reading about someone who has a unique ability to learn math and languages (several different ones), while limited by a disease that effects 1 in 110 children.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Party, Rest, Soup
What a weekend! I knew it was going to be an interesting weekend just based on the fact that I had work, a Halloween party to go to, and a day off.
Friday was busier than I planned. School went well but Old Navy was having a crazy sale so when I got to work we were really busy. It felt like it was one of the holiday sales. The shift went quickly which was a blessing, but it was a long night.
Saturday was just an interesting day. Work at Mathnasium was interesting, difficult, and perplexing to say the least. I ended up staying an extra hour and a half just to get a little bit of office work done, and even then I wasn't able to get much done. It was a very long shift. The kids were pretty good but my cold made my voice sound like a man when I spoke so talking was a little difficult. Overall it went alright. After work I went home and just relaxed for a few hours before going to a friends Halloween party. I was cheap this year and made my own costume. I was a page out of an "I Spy" book. I took an old tie-dye shirt and printed out different pictures on iron-on transfer paper and ironed them on and then painted a list of what needed to be found. It was kind of lame, but the tie-dye shirt looked kind of cool under black light! My friends went all out and decorated their whole house for the party! It was sweet! We all had a lot of fun! I ended up feeling like crap and being super tired by 12:30 so I left, which I hated doing but I knew I wouldn't be able to stay up as late as everyone else and figured I might as well try to get healthy and get some sleep.
This morning my body decided 6 was a good time to wake up... so I laid in bed until 8:30 and forced myself to try to sleep a little longer which resulted in restless sleep. Then I gave up and read in bed and just relaxed until a little after 10. I still felt like crap and besides being congested I felt as if everything was draining into my chest. Really, having this cold is a blast! I decided that I was going to lay low all day and around noon I figured that I wanted to make soup, and then it seemed logical to invite other people to share it with. Most of the people I invited couldn't come, but a few were able to make it. The recipe for the Baked Potato Soup is below. It turned out alright despite a gluten free substitution.
I'm personally dealing with a lot right now. I'm ready to give up but at the same time know that I can't.
Baked Potato Soup
Ingredients:
2/3 cup butter
2/3 cup flour (if gluten free use white rice flour)
7 cups milk
4 potatoes (bakes, cooled, and cubed)
4 green onions, chopped (I used a little less than 4 because mine were really strong)
12 slices of bacon
1 1/4 cups shredded Cheddar cheese
1 cup sour cream
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
Directions:
1.) Place bacon in a large skillet. Cook over medium heat until browned. Drain, crumble and set aside.
2.) In a large stock pot melt butter over medium heat. Whisk in flour, until smooth. Gradually add milk, whisking constantly until thickened. Stir in potatoes and onions. Bring to a boil, stirring frequently.
3.) Reduce heat, simmer 10 minutes (this gets thick fast so keep an eye on it). Mix in bacon, cheese, sour cream, salt and pepper. Continue cooking, stirring frequently, until cheese is melted. Serve and enjoy!
Friday was busier than I planned. School went well but Old Navy was having a crazy sale so when I got to work we were really busy. It felt like it was one of the holiday sales. The shift went quickly which was a blessing, but it was a long night.
Saturday was just an interesting day. Work at Mathnasium was interesting, difficult, and perplexing to say the least. I ended up staying an extra hour and a half just to get a little bit of office work done, and even then I wasn't able to get much done. It was a very long shift. The kids were pretty good but my cold made my voice sound like a man when I spoke so talking was a little difficult. Overall it went alright. After work I went home and just relaxed for a few hours before going to a friends Halloween party. I was cheap this year and made my own costume. I was a page out of an "I Spy" book. I took an old tie-dye shirt and printed out different pictures on iron-on transfer paper and ironed them on and then painted a list of what needed to be found. It was kind of lame, but the tie-dye shirt looked kind of cool under black light! My friends went all out and decorated their whole house for the party! It was sweet! We all had a lot of fun! I ended up feeling like crap and being super tired by 12:30 so I left, which I hated doing but I knew I wouldn't be able to stay up as late as everyone else and figured I might as well try to get healthy and get some sleep.
This morning my body decided 6 was a good time to wake up... so I laid in bed until 8:30 and forced myself to try to sleep a little longer which resulted in restless sleep. Then I gave up and read in bed and just relaxed until a little after 10. I still felt like crap and besides being congested I felt as if everything was draining into my chest. Really, having this cold is a blast! I decided that I was going to lay low all day and around noon I figured that I wanted to make soup, and then it seemed logical to invite other people to share it with. Most of the people I invited couldn't come, but a few were able to make it. The recipe for the Baked Potato Soup is below. It turned out alright despite a gluten free substitution.
I'm personally dealing with a lot right now. I'm ready to give up but at the same time know that I can't.
Baked Potato Soup
Ingredients:
2/3 cup butter
2/3 cup flour (if gluten free use white rice flour)
7 cups milk
4 potatoes (bakes, cooled, and cubed)
4 green onions, chopped (I used a little less than 4 because mine were really strong)
12 slices of bacon
1 1/4 cups shredded Cheddar cheese
1 cup sour cream
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
Directions:
1.) Place bacon in a large skillet. Cook over medium heat until browned. Drain, crumble and set aside.
2.) In a large stock pot melt butter over medium heat. Whisk in flour, until smooth. Gradually add milk, whisking constantly until thickened. Stir in potatoes and onions. Bring to a boil, stirring frequently.
3.) Reduce heat, simmer 10 minutes (this gets thick fast so keep an eye on it). Mix in bacon, cheese, sour cream, salt and pepper. Continue cooking, stirring frequently, until cheese is melted. Serve and enjoy!
Friday, October 28, 2011
Fall and Feeling Weird
I feel as if fall is flying by. I was driving the other day to pick something up for my Mom's birthday and I was just a few streets away from my apartment but it as if I had entered farm country (amazing what 5 minutes can do). It was a crisp fall day, partly sunny, drizzly here and there, but the colors of the leaves on the trees were beautiful. It struck me for the first time in a while how quickly my life had been moving. I hadn't taken the time to just stop and look around at the beauty and wonder around me. I know how cliche this all sounds, it sounded that way in my head, but I decided to put it out there anyways. Constantly going between work and school and random other errands I was usually driving in the dark, and when it was daytime I wasn't paying attention to what was going on around me because I was thinking about the multiple other things I had to get done during the rest of the day. It was nice to be reminded that there are beautiful things around to be thankful for.
I'm fighting a cold, still battling side effects, and everything just feels weird. It's been another hard week but it's difficult to explain and not really worth trying. I'm looking forward to a Halloween party with friends tomorrow night that I have vowed to go to for a while no matter how I am feeling. I haven't seen most of my friends in a few weeks so that will change. I'm going to try to get myself healthy and be more positive and find the little things to make me smile, like the color of the leaves.
I'm fighting a cold, still battling side effects, and everything just feels weird. It's been another hard week but it's difficult to explain and not really worth trying. I'm looking forward to a Halloween party with friends tomorrow night that I have vowed to go to for a while no matter how I am feeling. I haven't seen most of my friends in a few weeks so that will change. I'm going to try to get myself healthy and be more positive and find the little things to make me smile, like the color of the leaves.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
A trying week
Without getting into the details of the week, I'll just say that it has been a long week. While work made it more difficult the main reason that this week was so hard was because of physical, and emotional pain caused by my medicine/ the side effects.
My neurologist had me start a medicine that I've been on before, so I knew a few of the side effects to expect but since I'm adding it to another medication that I've been taking I wasn't sure what else to expect. Over the past week and a half I've experienced some obscure feelings that are hard to describe. In addition to my fingers and face feeling tingly (only on and off and without warning), I've been nauseous to the point of not wanting to eat (which I knew was going to happen), and I've almost felt as if I've been out of my mind (which makes me sound crazy, but it is more that I feel as if I am thinking multiple things all at once and then watching myself thinking it all-ok maybe I am crazy). Both of the first ones are typical side effects on this medication so there isn't anything to worry about, it's just annoying. I got to the point where I just didn't want to eat, which meant that I was getting really tired despite getting 7 or 8 hours of sleep a night. By the end of most days I was wondering why I was still trying, why I cared, and what the point was. I'm still wondering all of those things. People try to remind me to "have hope" but after 6 1/2 years it's hard. When I feel like I can't make it through the day without a nap (or at all) hoping for an end to the pain is that much harder when there are side effects on top of the headache.
Luckily my random back pain that started last Saturday was gone by Wednesday for the most part. As long as I kept heat on it, it seemed to be fine. But mixing that pain on top of the headache and the side effects was just another stress to deal with making for a difficult week.
Saturday and Sunday have proved to be a slight reprieve. Saturday was full of work. 4 hours in the morning and then I forced myself to eat a real meal, probably my first in a few days, and then another 4 hours closing at Old Navy. Saturday night a good friend was willing to listen to me and forced me to talk. I needed it, it was difficult, and there is still a lot in my head and in my heart, but having some of it out helps. What also seemed to help was having some food in my system. The side effects weren't quite as bad Saturday night.
Today my head has been hurting worse than normal, but I've had the day off and I've taken advantage of it. I relaxed for a few hours this morning and just watched a few tv shows. Then I made my Halloween costume for a party next weekend. I even made a batch a peanut butter chocolate chip cookies (the recipe is in a post from a few weeks ago). I also made some chicken noodle soup with left over chicken broth and veggies that I had. It's been a productive day but being in more pain is hard. I was invited to hang out with a few friends tonight but just couldn't bring myself to leave my apartment. Between the pain and side effects I just can't do it, which sucks because I haven't been able to really be social all week. I am going to try to relax the rest of the night and go to bed early.
I know this sounds like a depressing post. Life isn't all bad. I have a Halloween party to look forward to next weekend, and work at school is going really well. I'm enjoying my grad class and I feel like I've been understanding it better lately which has been nice. There is a pumpkin carving get together Tuesday that I'm hoping to have enough energy to attend and when it comes down to it I know deep down that I have family and a few friends that love and care about me, and that is enough, for now.
My neurologist had me start a medicine that I've been on before, so I knew a few of the side effects to expect but since I'm adding it to another medication that I've been taking I wasn't sure what else to expect. Over the past week and a half I've experienced some obscure feelings that are hard to describe. In addition to my fingers and face feeling tingly (only on and off and without warning), I've been nauseous to the point of not wanting to eat (which I knew was going to happen), and I've almost felt as if I've been out of my mind (which makes me sound crazy, but it is more that I feel as if I am thinking multiple things all at once and then watching myself thinking it all-ok maybe I am crazy). Both of the first ones are typical side effects on this medication so there isn't anything to worry about, it's just annoying. I got to the point where I just didn't want to eat, which meant that I was getting really tired despite getting 7 or 8 hours of sleep a night. By the end of most days I was wondering why I was still trying, why I cared, and what the point was. I'm still wondering all of those things. People try to remind me to "have hope" but after 6 1/2 years it's hard. When I feel like I can't make it through the day without a nap (or at all) hoping for an end to the pain is that much harder when there are side effects on top of the headache.
Luckily my random back pain that started last Saturday was gone by Wednesday for the most part. As long as I kept heat on it, it seemed to be fine. But mixing that pain on top of the headache and the side effects was just another stress to deal with making for a difficult week.
Saturday and Sunday have proved to be a slight reprieve. Saturday was full of work. 4 hours in the morning and then I forced myself to eat a real meal, probably my first in a few days, and then another 4 hours closing at Old Navy. Saturday night a good friend was willing to listen to me and forced me to talk. I needed it, it was difficult, and there is still a lot in my head and in my heart, but having some of it out helps. What also seemed to help was having some food in my system. The side effects weren't quite as bad Saturday night.
Today my head has been hurting worse than normal, but I've had the day off and I've taken advantage of it. I relaxed for a few hours this morning and just watched a few tv shows. Then I made my Halloween costume for a party next weekend. I even made a batch a peanut butter chocolate chip cookies (the recipe is in a post from a few weeks ago). I also made some chicken noodle soup with left over chicken broth and veggies that I had. It's been a productive day but being in more pain is hard. I was invited to hang out with a few friends tonight but just couldn't bring myself to leave my apartment. Between the pain and side effects I just can't do it, which sucks because I haven't been able to really be social all week. I am going to try to relax the rest of the night and go to bed early.
I know this sounds like a depressing post. Life isn't all bad. I have a Halloween party to look forward to next weekend, and work at school is going really well. I'm enjoying my grad class and I feel like I've been understanding it better lately which has been nice. There is a pumpkin carving get together Tuesday that I'm hoping to have enough energy to attend and when it comes down to it I know deep down that I have family and a few friends that love and care about me, and that is enough, for now.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Family History, Iranian History, Imprisonment
The book I just finished is called My Prison, My Home by Haleh Esfandiari. And as the title of this post suggests it held a lot for me.
Haleh is my great aunt, and 4 years ago she was imprisoned in Iran. This book is a concise summary of both Iran's history over the past 100 years but also her story or turmoil and captivity. It was interesting for me to read about her childhood and hear more about her life. I really only get to see her once a year when we go to visit, so reading about her life was interesting. Obviously being 25% Iranian I follow the news and have always taken interest in history in general, but to get her take on the countries history was helpful. The political view was also helpful. She shed light on the relationship between the United States and Iran over the past 30 years and how is has swung in the balance and why.
Reading about the imprisonment was difficult. To think that anyone could capture a 68 year old woman and keep her in solitary confinement for over 100 days is astonishing to me. The fact that she was regularly interrogated on top of that was heart-breaking. Knowing that she is home safe and that she is doing well makes it that much better, but I know that while it was going on our whole family was constantly up in the air and always worried.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
A busy week and another dinner with friends!
It feels as if so much has happened since Monday. I apologize for not updating more often but somehow this week just flew by.
Tuesday was spent running tests at school and teaching in the math lab for 7 hours and then going straight to work at Mathnasium. I was there until 7:15 or so and then I met up with a good friend for a quick shopping trip before "watching" part of the Republican debate with friends. While the debate wasn't the real reason I was there it was wonderful to see friends and get a few hugs. I really needed it.
Wednesday turned out differently that I planned but in a good way. I worked at school until 12:30 and then got lunch with a friend before working until 7:30. Then I grabbed dinner and drinks with a few good friends and just hung out with them. After the night I had I needed to be with good friends, mainly to take my mind off of things, but also to be reminded that I am cared about and that I have people in my life that are wonderful!
Thursday was long!! 7 hours at school leading to a migraine by mid-day. I made it through most of work at Mathnasium but left around 6:15 since I was done teaching. I made copies at the library for homework stuff and then came home, did a few more things and passed out before 10. I actually got 8 1/2 hours of sleep on a school night, it was glorious!
Friday was 7 hours at school, most of which was in the library giving tests on the computers, then running a few errands before working at Old Navy 4-8. I was home by 8:30 and super lazy. I should have done homework but had no energy, so instead I watched a few tv shows online and then went to bed before 11.
Saturday I woke up before my alarm (still got 8 1/2 hours of sleep) and felt like I could do homework but didn't really have enough time to get anything done, so instead I just got ready and grabbed some coffee and headed into work. Oh how I wish I could have done anything but gone to work. Work started by getting yelled at by my boss on the phone for something that wasn't even my fault, which I couldn't bring to her attention. It just wasn't a good time. After work I did a little shopping with a friend, and then ran into an old friend from high school randomly in the mall! I got home, ate dinner and then changed for work. Somehow within the hour I was home I hurt my lower back. I think I just pulled a muscle but it hurts to bend down and walk! But of course I had to go to work at Old Navy 6-10. Luckily we got out at 9! I was on register for the majority of the time which was easy enough but standing was not comfortable. After work I came home, talked to my parents on the phone, and then tried to sleep which wasn't easy to do.
Today was productive! I didn't sleep great because of the back pain but I made it to about 7:40. I got up and jumped straight into homework. I had to write a 5-7 page literature review, which I had no idea how to do. I had done a good amount of research and knew what I wanted to write about, but didn't really know how to go about doing it. Long story short, I finished a first draft by 2:30. So I hopped in the shower, went to Wegmans, and then cleaned my apartment and made dinner and dessert for my friends! Dessert was just a gluten free boxes cake mix turned cupcakes (not great but did the trick). Dinner was Chicken Paprika, recipe follows. We had a good time eating together and catching up. It was a lot of fun and quite nice.
Chicken Paprika
Ingredients:
2 tbsp. butter
1 tbsp. oil
2 1/2-3 lbs chicken (I use legs/thighs- it's better with bones and skin on)
1/2 cup dices onion
1/2 cup diced carrots
1/2 cup diced celery
1 tbsp paprika
1 1/2 tbsp. white rice flour (if you are not gluten free just use normal flour)
1 tbsp ketchup
3/4 tsp salt
pinch of pepper
1 cup chicken broth
1/2 cup sour cream
Directions:
1. Heat butter and oil in a dutch over. Brown chicken a few pieces at a time, until golden brown. Remove chicken as it browns.
2. Saute onions, carrots, and celery for 5 minutes.
3. Add paprika. Cook 1 minute.
4. Remove from heat, stir in flour, ketchup, salt and pepper.
5. Gradually add broth, place on heat and bring to boil, stirring.
6. Reduce heat, simmer 10 minutes covered.
7. Add browned chicken; simmer, covered 35 minutes or until chicken is tender.
8. Remove chicken and stir in sour cream, heating through. Stir gently- do not let boil! Serve over egg noodles!
We are it before I had the chance to take a picture but everyone seemed to enjoy it!
This week should be slightly less chaotic compared to last week, at least a few less hours at school. Hopefully things go alright at work and I don't end up too angry or frustrated. If I'm really lucky I'll be able to see friends and be happy at least once or twice too!
Monday, October 10, 2011
A day to relax and bake!
Yay Columbus Day!! Or as some of my friends call it "Invasion Day"! I was just grateful for an extra day off. This weekend was a bit busy despite having some time off.
Friday and Saturday I worked 8 hours each. Sunday I was off, but had a lot of homework to do for class, so I spent 5 hours in the library and another 2 or 3 at home working on it. I got it all done before going to bed so that I'd be able to enjoy my Monday off!
Today I slept in until 8, which gave me a little over 8 hours of sleep which felt wonderful! I read for a while and just relaxed. Then I looked up recipes online and went grocery shopping before lunch with a friend. It was a productive morning.
This afternoon was even more productive! I made Zucchini Muffins, Peanut Butter Cookies, and Chicken Alfredo! The recipes are all below along with pictures of the final products. I have class tonight and then my long week starts. Since they are doing a special algebra test at school I have to be there full days this week (except for Wednesday) which means I'll have 12 hour days plus trying to find time to get homework done. I will be working about 65-ish hours this week so it'll be interesting to say the least. Baking has always been one of the best stress relievers for me, so today gave me a good dose of mental health. Plus I used my new stand mixer that my parents gave me for my birthday! My head has been bothering me all day but I was determined not to let that get in the way. It felt good to be productive and make things I enjoy.
Zucchini Muffins (gluten free of course):
Ingredients:
2 cups Pamela's Baking and Pancake Mix (one of the best g-f baking mixes I've found)
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp nutmeg
2 cups grated zucchini
1/4 cup oil
2 eggs
1/2 cup brown sugar (firmly packed)
1/2 cup white sugar
1 tsp vanilla
Directions:
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees and either grease muffin tins or use paper liners
-Whisk together the baking mix, cinnamon (I added 2 1/2 tsp because I like the flavor), salt, and nutmeg.
-In a separate bowl beat eggs, oil, and sugar together for 1 minutes on medium speed. Then stir in vanilla.
-Combine wet and dry ingredients. Fold in zucchini.
-Fill muffin tins 2/3 full and bake 30 to 35 minutes at 350.
Chicken Alfredo:
This was just a random dish I put together for dinner. It should be easy to reheat later in the week.
Ingredients:
2-3 chicken breasts
pasta (1 box)
alfredo sauce (1 jar)
seasonings- I used garlic powder, salt, pepper, and basil.
Directions:
-Boil water and cook pasta as directed.
-Cut chicken into bite size pieces and season with whatever seasonings you desire, I used those listed above.
-Cook chicken in a little olive oil on the stove.
-Add sauce to the chicken once it is fully cooked and then mix together with the pasta.
Friday and Saturday I worked 8 hours each. Sunday I was off, but had a lot of homework to do for class, so I spent 5 hours in the library and another 2 or 3 at home working on it. I got it all done before going to bed so that I'd be able to enjoy my Monday off!
Today I slept in until 8, which gave me a little over 8 hours of sleep which felt wonderful! I read for a while and just relaxed. Then I looked up recipes online and went grocery shopping before lunch with a friend. It was a productive morning.
This afternoon was even more productive! I made Zucchini Muffins, Peanut Butter Cookies, and Chicken Alfredo! The recipes are all below along with pictures of the final products. I have class tonight and then my long week starts. Since they are doing a special algebra test at school I have to be there full days this week (except for Wednesday) which means I'll have 12 hour days plus trying to find time to get homework done. I will be working about 65-ish hours this week so it'll be interesting to say the least. Baking has always been one of the best stress relievers for me, so today gave me a good dose of mental health. Plus I used my new stand mixer that my parents gave me for my birthday! My head has been bothering me all day but I was determined not to let that get in the way. It felt good to be productive and make things I enjoy.
Zucchini Muffins (gluten free of course):
Ingredients:
2 cups Pamela's Baking and Pancake Mix (one of the best g-f baking mixes I've found)
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp nutmeg
2 cups grated zucchini
1/4 cup oil
2 eggs
1/2 cup brown sugar (firmly packed)
1/2 cup white sugar
1 tsp vanilla
Directions:
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees and either grease muffin tins or use paper liners
-Whisk together the baking mix, cinnamon (I added 2 1/2 tsp because I like the flavor), salt, and nutmeg.
-In a separate bowl beat eggs, oil, and sugar together for 1 minutes on medium speed. Then stir in vanilla.
-Combine wet and dry ingredients. Fold in zucchini.
-Fill muffin tins 2/3 full and bake 30 to 35 minutes at 350.
Peanut Butter Cookies (gluten free and delicious)
Ingredients:
1 large egg
3/4 cup sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup creamy peanut butter
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup chocolate chips (optional)
Directions:
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
-Beat together egg, sugar, baking soda, and vanilla in a mixer.
-Beat in peanut butter and then carefully stir in chocolate chips.
-Drop dough by teaspoonfuls onto baking sheet, pressing lightly with the back of a fork. Bake 10 minutes. Let rest 2 minutes on the baking sheet and then transfer to a wire rack to cool.
I baked half of the batch without chocolate chips and added a handful of chips to the rest of the dough. Both versions turned out really well. This recipe is super easy and doesn't have any flour so there is no need for substitutions.
This was just a random dish I put together for dinner. It should be easy to reheat later in the week.
Ingredients:
2-3 chicken breasts
pasta (1 box)
alfredo sauce (1 jar)
seasonings- I used garlic powder, salt, pepper, and basil.
Directions:
-Boil water and cook pasta as directed.
-Cut chicken into bite size pieces and season with whatever seasonings you desire, I used those listed above.
-Cook chicken in a little olive oil on the stove.
-Add sauce to the chicken once it is fully cooked and then mix together with the pasta.
The first two recipes were new for me, which is counting as my new things for the month! I'm glad they turned out well! I'm so glad to be finding gluten free recipes that taste good.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Contemplation
While I should be doing homework, or spending an hour relaxing before bed, I'm stuck in my head contemplating the events of the past week. It has been a very long, exhausting, and draining week but relatively normal (which is the scary part). This week is making me question what I'm doing with my life and how I'm living it. I'll give you a quick overview of my week and then expand on some of what is running through my head.
Monday: The beginning of the week always seems easy, and it is my "lightest" day. Work at school went well, nothing out of the ordinary, and then I had a few hours to do laundry and do some of those normal tasks life requires. Grad class went well. We are working on a project that stresses me out just because I feel so completely out of my element that I'm not sure how to continue through it but since it is a group project it somehow works out. The only downside of Monday was that grad class goes till 9, which means I didn't get home until 9:20ish and then still had a few things to do before bed.
Tuesday: Another typical day that felt longer than it should. I woke up exhausted even after sleep well all night. School was again good, slightly busier than usual but that just kept me doing things. Between jobs I crashed for a little while. I sat down and watched a tv show on my computer and then laid down for 30 minutes and completely passed out. I never do that when I nap, and I rarely try to nap, so that shows how tired I was. Work after that was okay. Right before our staff meeting I felt like I got something in my eye which was really annoying but I just kind of figured it would work itself out and that it wasn't a big deal. We had the staff meeting, which makes for a slightly longer than normal night but it went alright and I made it home a little after 8. I was physically drained, emotionally in a few different states of feeling, and mentally exhausted.
Wednesday: I again woke up tired, and still had something in my eye which was really painful. I made it through school but went straight to the doctor to get it looked at. Turns out I had a pencil shaving under my eyelid. One of the few work related injuries I can think of teachers getting. It felt significantly better once it was out. I ended up being a little late for work which was frustrating but things went smoothly. On Wednesdays I teach until 7:30. I just have to say that sometimes doing/teaching math for 9 hours a day is hard. By 7 I'm a little brain-dead and trying to teach pre-calc at that point is always interesting. After work I tried to relax but was starting to stress out about the amount of homework I have due Monday and just how I've been feeling. Not to mention I was fighting migraine level pain all day and it was seriously worse than I wanted to be dealing with. A good friend called me and made me get some of my thoughts out and made sure I was doing okay, but it was a rough night for sure.
Thursday: I woke up in a lot of pain again, which isn't new, just not something that is easy to deal with. School again went rather well. There were a few kids that were getting on my nerves but it was towards the end of my time there so it wasn't a big deal. Between jobs I got a chiropractic adjustment and a massage. It was a deal I got online and it was nice. My muscles were definitely looser afterwards but my headache was just as bad as normal. Work was alright. I was really frustrated because I was supposed to meet with my bosses again to discuss some of my concerns and just general business stuff but they had to reschedule, which shouldn't surprise me but it just added to my annoyances and frustrations with the whole situation. After work I talked with my group for our grad school project (the one that has been annoying me) for about an hour to discuss our next step. We did this because we had to email our professor that night with our next step (yay last minute work). I didn't end up getting to bed until 11-ish which doesn't sound like that, but I've been running on between 5 1/2 and 6 1/2 hours of sleep each night all week.
Friday (today): Another day with slightly less work and more "free" time. Work at school went well. It was a little weird because the kids had a pep rally at the end of the day for Homecoming so the schedule was mixed up more than usual but in general it was a pretty normal day. After work I came home and was actually productive! It was something I knew needed to happen but was kind of hard to do. I bought renters insurance, unpacked more kitchen stuff and did a load of dishes, set up a few things on the computer, and read over half of one of the crazy long articles for class. Then I ate dinner and tried to relax for 40 minutes before going into work. Old Navy was super busy tonight! I spent 3 1/2 hour folding clothing, which is as mindless as it sounds and is honestly wonderful! I have a few great coworkers which make it fun and not having to be really in charge of anything is super nice! Plus it's an easy job. I've still been in a lot of pain tonight which is hard. Most of my friends are camping, really close to where I was last weekend, but makes it hard. I can't be social because everyone is gone and I couldn't go because I couldn't get another weekend off work. I have enough homework to keep me busy so I'm not too worried about it, but I miss being around people regularly.
The rest of the weekend hold 8 hours of work tomorrow (Mathnasium and Old Navy) and then a large amount of homework. Most of tomorrow and Sunday will be spent doing homework. Since I don't have work at school on Monday I am hoping to be able to do some cooking and baking on Monday before class. I really want to make something in the new mixer my parents got me for my birthday!
Back to all of my crazy thoughts. I'm struggling with all of the physical pain. It's been pretty bad for a while now and I'm just having a hard time functioning through it. I don't have any choice but to do it, but it's not easy. What makes it harder is that it isn't something I can explain to people. No one can truly understand what it feels like to deal with it in less they are living through it. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve it, and whether or not I can continue to live like this. More often I wonder if it'll ever get better and if there is any relief in sight.
I'm also trying to work through feelings about work and more generally what my future holds. I love working at school! I would love to have a full time teaching position but until that happens I'll take this position! The Math Lab is a lot of fun, I get great interactions and relationship with kids, I teach math for 5 hours a day without having to prepare or grade anything, and it's just enjoyable! Mathnasium is stressing me out. As much as I like the kids there is a lot of politics and drama that is making me question whether or not everything I put into it is worth it. The next few weeks/months will hopefully answer that question for me but it leaves me feeling very unsure.
Right now I just feel overwhelmed with things. I know next week will be even busier because I need to do a few full days at school and then go straight to work afterwards which will make for 12 hour days. I'm just hoping that at some point over the weekend my headache will stop being quite so bad and that I will be able to relax for a little bit. I just want to not feel like I'm trying to claw my way out of a deep, dark hole.
Life isn't as depressing as it sounds, I promise! I know I have a few friends, a few jobs that allow me to pay all of my bills, and the ability to think for myself. The weather should be great the next few days, and I will make something delicious this weekend!
Monday: The beginning of the week always seems easy, and it is my "lightest" day. Work at school went well, nothing out of the ordinary, and then I had a few hours to do laundry and do some of those normal tasks life requires. Grad class went well. We are working on a project that stresses me out just because I feel so completely out of my element that I'm not sure how to continue through it but since it is a group project it somehow works out. The only downside of Monday was that grad class goes till 9, which means I didn't get home until 9:20ish and then still had a few things to do before bed.
Tuesday: Another typical day that felt longer than it should. I woke up exhausted even after sleep well all night. School was again good, slightly busier than usual but that just kept me doing things. Between jobs I crashed for a little while. I sat down and watched a tv show on my computer and then laid down for 30 minutes and completely passed out. I never do that when I nap, and I rarely try to nap, so that shows how tired I was. Work after that was okay. Right before our staff meeting I felt like I got something in my eye which was really annoying but I just kind of figured it would work itself out and that it wasn't a big deal. We had the staff meeting, which makes for a slightly longer than normal night but it went alright and I made it home a little after 8. I was physically drained, emotionally in a few different states of feeling, and mentally exhausted.
Wednesday: I again woke up tired, and still had something in my eye which was really painful. I made it through school but went straight to the doctor to get it looked at. Turns out I had a pencil shaving under my eyelid. One of the few work related injuries I can think of teachers getting. It felt significantly better once it was out. I ended up being a little late for work which was frustrating but things went smoothly. On Wednesdays I teach until 7:30. I just have to say that sometimes doing/teaching math for 9 hours a day is hard. By 7 I'm a little brain-dead and trying to teach pre-calc at that point is always interesting. After work I tried to relax but was starting to stress out about the amount of homework I have due Monday and just how I've been feeling. Not to mention I was fighting migraine level pain all day and it was seriously worse than I wanted to be dealing with. A good friend called me and made me get some of my thoughts out and made sure I was doing okay, but it was a rough night for sure.
Thursday: I woke up in a lot of pain again, which isn't new, just not something that is easy to deal with. School again went rather well. There were a few kids that were getting on my nerves but it was towards the end of my time there so it wasn't a big deal. Between jobs I got a chiropractic adjustment and a massage. It was a deal I got online and it was nice. My muscles were definitely looser afterwards but my headache was just as bad as normal. Work was alright. I was really frustrated because I was supposed to meet with my bosses again to discuss some of my concerns and just general business stuff but they had to reschedule, which shouldn't surprise me but it just added to my annoyances and frustrations with the whole situation. After work I talked with my group for our grad school project (the one that has been annoying me) for about an hour to discuss our next step. We did this because we had to email our professor that night with our next step (yay last minute work). I didn't end up getting to bed until 11-ish which doesn't sound like that, but I've been running on between 5 1/2 and 6 1/2 hours of sleep each night all week.
Friday (today): Another day with slightly less work and more "free" time. Work at school went well. It was a little weird because the kids had a pep rally at the end of the day for Homecoming so the schedule was mixed up more than usual but in general it was a pretty normal day. After work I came home and was actually productive! It was something I knew needed to happen but was kind of hard to do. I bought renters insurance, unpacked more kitchen stuff and did a load of dishes, set up a few things on the computer, and read over half of one of the crazy long articles for class. Then I ate dinner and tried to relax for 40 minutes before going into work. Old Navy was super busy tonight! I spent 3 1/2 hour folding clothing, which is as mindless as it sounds and is honestly wonderful! I have a few great coworkers which make it fun and not having to be really in charge of anything is super nice! Plus it's an easy job. I've still been in a lot of pain tonight which is hard. Most of my friends are camping, really close to where I was last weekend, but makes it hard. I can't be social because everyone is gone and I couldn't go because I couldn't get another weekend off work. I have enough homework to keep me busy so I'm not too worried about it, but I miss being around people regularly.
The rest of the weekend hold 8 hours of work tomorrow (Mathnasium and Old Navy) and then a large amount of homework. Most of tomorrow and Sunday will be spent doing homework. Since I don't have work at school on Monday I am hoping to be able to do some cooking and baking on Monday before class. I really want to make something in the new mixer my parents got me for my birthday!
Back to all of my crazy thoughts. I'm struggling with all of the physical pain. It's been pretty bad for a while now and I'm just having a hard time functioning through it. I don't have any choice but to do it, but it's not easy. What makes it harder is that it isn't something I can explain to people. No one can truly understand what it feels like to deal with it in less they are living through it. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve it, and whether or not I can continue to live like this. More often I wonder if it'll ever get better and if there is any relief in sight.
I'm also trying to work through feelings about work and more generally what my future holds. I love working at school! I would love to have a full time teaching position but until that happens I'll take this position! The Math Lab is a lot of fun, I get great interactions and relationship with kids, I teach math for 5 hours a day without having to prepare or grade anything, and it's just enjoyable! Mathnasium is stressing me out. As much as I like the kids there is a lot of politics and drama that is making me question whether or not everything I put into it is worth it. The next few weeks/months will hopefully answer that question for me but it leaves me feeling very unsure.
Right now I just feel overwhelmed with things. I know next week will be even busier because I need to do a few full days at school and then go straight to work afterwards which will make for 12 hour days. I'm just hoping that at some point over the weekend my headache will stop being quite so bad and that I will be able to relax for a little bit. I just want to not feel like I'm trying to claw my way out of a deep, dark hole.
Life isn't as depressing as it sounds, I promise! I know I have a few friends, a few jobs that allow me to pay all of my bills, and the ability to think for myself. The weather should be great the next few days, and I will make something delicious this weekend!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Another Book Finished
The math lab has been busier on average each day, and my homework has started to take over my down time when it isn't busy but somehow I've still been able to find some time to read.
Today I finished Something, Maybe by Elizabeth Scott. This is another teen based book, a fun and easy read that let me escape into someone else's drama occasionally. The premise is kind of dull. A girl with a really weird family background; her Mom who works as an online "web star" wearing little clothing, and a "Dad" who is mainly out of the pictures except for when he isn't ( and then is just making things even more stressful) and who makes his living being surrounded by pretty young girls who are always around him. But Hannah is just trying to blend in and get through high school. There are two boys at work who treat her differently and lead to a weird (but expected) twist at the end of the story. I wish there had been a little bit more at the end of the story, giving more substance to what was just starting. The book was good for an escape but didn't have much substance.
Next on my list of books to read is My Prison, My Home by my great aunt Haleh Esfandiari who was imprisoned in Iran a few years ago. I'm curious to read the book and get a little bit more insight into my families past and heritage in Iran.
Today I finished Something, Maybe by Elizabeth Scott. This is another teen based book, a fun and easy read that let me escape into someone else's drama occasionally. The premise is kind of dull. A girl with a really weird family background; her Mom who works as an online "web star" wearing little clothing, and a "Dad" who is mainly out of the pictures except for when he isn't ( and then is just making things even more stressful) and who makes his living being surrounded by pretty young girls who are always around him. But Hannah is just trying to blend in and get through high school. There are two boys at work who treat her differently and lead to a weird (but expected) twist at the end of the story. I wish there had been a little bit more at the end of the story, giving more substance to what was just starting. The book was good for an escape but didn't have much substance.
Next on my list of books to read is My Prison, My Home by my great aunt Haleh Esfandiari who was imprisoned in Iran a few years ago. I'm curious to read the book and get a little bit more insight into my families past and heritage in Iran.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
What a weekend!!
Last weekend was busy moving, then this week was full of work and unpacking and trying not to lose my mind. This weekend was just as busy but with wonderful things!
Thursday my parents came up from NJ to see my brother and I and to help us get settled into our new places. They took us out to dinner Thursday night when I was done with work. It was great to see them. It was only a month and a half ago that we saw them last, but it was nice to have them back in town here and not having to drive down there. After dinner we unloaded everything my parents got from me at IKEA and the random stuff at their place that they brought for me to have.
Friday I worked at school like usual and then came back to the apartment and my parents came over to help me set some of the things up. We put blinds up, put my dresser and entertainment center together, my Mom unpacked my kitchen for me (finally), and we just spent time talking and organizing. It was a very nice afternoon. After they left to get dinner with friends I did a little more unpacking and organizing, ran a few errands, and packed for the wedding. I hung out with a friend and watched a movie and just tried to relax for a little while.
Saturday was a whirlwind of activity. I met my parents and brother for breakfast and then left for camp! I picked up a friend along the way and then we went to Melody Lodge for lunch. We enjoyed a nice lunch and then headed to camp to get changed for the wedding. This picture is a view from the parking lot at Melody's looking out over a lake.
Now let me explain this to you, yesterday there was a high of 50 degrees in Speculator, NY. Therefore it was a cold wedding! We all still looked cute while being warm which worked out nicely. The wedding itself was beautiful! The chapel was decorated nicely, the ceremony was traditional, loving, and truly heartfelt. And the party after was a blast!! They filled the dinning hall with gorgeously decorated tables and a nice buffet for dinner and a good size area for us to dance in! It was awesome to sit and socialize with friends, especially those that I hadn't seen for a few years. We all had a great time, eating, drinking, dancing, and being merry! The picture is of our table decoration!
We headed back to the cabin to go to bed and froze! We could see our breaths and were in layers! I slept in tights, sweatpants, socks, a tank top, long sleeve shirt, and fleece jacket all inside my sleeping bag with a thin fleece blanket on top. I was plenty warm once I was in there, but having to get up in the morning was not pleasant! Sadly a few of my friends got a stomach bug/food poisoning (we aren't sure which) so it was a bit of a rough night with not a lot of sleep, but it was worth it overall.
This morning we ended up leaving around 10. We were considering hiking but it was cold, rainy, and we had sick friends so that went out the window pretty quickly. I got home a little after 1, took a nap, showered, ate some dinner, and spent the rest of the night doing homework. I always seem to forget how long homework can take, but it all got done!
As for the rest of this week, it should be back to a "normal" work schedule and this weekend I'll just be working and laying low. Most of my friends are going camping but I couldn't get another weekend off of work, so I'll be baking something yummy and hopefully find something new to try to make for dinner.
Thursday my parents came up from NJ to see my brother and I and to help us get settled into our new places. They took us out to dinner Thursday night when I was done with work. It was great to see them. It was only a month and a half ago that we saw them last, but it was nice to have them back in town here and not having to drive down there. After dinner we unloaded everything my parents got from me at IKEA and the random stuff at their place that they brought for me to have.
Friday I worked at school like usual and then came back to the apartment and my parents came over to help me set some of the things up. We put blinds up, put my dresser and entertainment center together, my Mom unpacked my kitchen for me (finally), and we just spent time talking and organizing. It was a very nice afternoon. After they left to get dinner with friends I did a little more unpacking and organizing, ran a few errands, and packed for the wedding. I hung out with a friend and watched a movie and just tried to relax for a little while.
Saturday was a whirlwind of activity. I met my parents and brother for breakfast and then left for camp! I picked up a friend along the way and then we went to Melody Lodge for lunch. We enjoyed a nice lunch and then headed to camp to get changed for the wedding. This picture is a view from the parking lot at Melody's looking out over a lake.
Now let me explain this to you, yesterday there was a high of 50 degrees in Speculator, NY. Therefore it was a cold wedding! We all still looked cute while being warm which worked out nicely. The wedding itself was beautiful! The chapel was decorated nicely, the ceremony was traditional, loving, and truly heartfelt. And the party after was a blast!! They filled the dinning hall with gorgeously decorated tables and a nice buffet for dinner and a good size area for us to dance in! It was awesome to sit and socialize with friends, especially those that I hadn't seen for a few years. We all had a great time, eating, drinking, dancing, and being merry! The picture is of our table decoration!
We headed back to the cabin to go to bed and froze! We could see our breaths and were in layers! I slept in tights, sweatpants, socks, a tank top, long sleeve shirt, and fleece jacket all inside my sleeping bag with a thin fleece blanket on top. I was plenty warm once I was in there, but having to get up in the morning was not pleasant! Sadly a few of my friends got a stomach bug/food poisoning (we aren't sure which) so it was a bit of a rough night with not a lot of sleep, but it was worth it overall.
This morning we ended up leaving around 10. We were considering hiking but it was cold, rainy, and we had sick friends so that went out the window pretty quickly. I got home a little after 1, took a nap, showered, ate some dinner, and spent the rest of the night doing homework. I always seem to forget how long homework can take, but it all got done!
As for the rest of this week, it should be back to a "normal" work schedule and this weekend I'll just be working and laying low. Most of my friends are going camping but I couldn't get another weekend off of work, so I'll be baking something yummy and hopefully find something new to try to make for dinner.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Urgl!
Yes, that tends to be my groan/noise of frustration and right now it's running rampant through my head!
I'm frustrated on so many levels, I didn't even realize it was possible!
Work at the high school is going beautifully and I have no complaints there. I love my job and the kids I work with!
I'm busy still unpacking and trying to get my apartment set up and in order. I keep feeling like I will have plenty of time to get things figured out, and then I remember a bunch of little errands I need to do, and the time I thought I had isn't there anymore.
Work at Mathnasium is what is really frustrating me! I obviously can't go into it on here, but I'm quickly learning that even as I try to stand up for myself and my coworkers it isn't very helpful, or appreciated or respected fully. There is the chance that things might change, but how I am continually treated seems to outweigh the possibilities of the future.
After work I came home and had to set up my wireless network and router, which should have been easy but for some reason things didn't feel like working correctly. Luckily I walked through it all with my Dad on the phone but it was annoying in general.
Not to mention the fact that my head has decided maybe getting worse on a consistent basis would be a good idea. I haven't started my new medicine yet (still waiting for the prescription to be filled) but in general being in constant, worsening pain, is not making things any easier to handle.
There are a few positives though. I'm getting lunch with an old friend tomorrow and I know that will be mentally, and emotionally beneficial for me, as well as fun. My parents are coming into town this weekend (getting here Thursday night) which should be great. I haven't seen them in a little bit and it will be nice to have them here, instead of having to travel to NJ to see them. I also have a friends wedding to go to up at camp on Saturday which I'm super excited for!
I'm really just hoping that I can suppress/overcome my current frustrations and enjoy things.
I'm frustrated on so many levels, I didn't even realize it was possible!
Work at the high school is going beautifully and I have no complaints there. I love my job and the kids I work with!
I'm busy still unpacking and trying to get my apartment set up and in order. I keep feeling like I will have plenty of time to get things figured out, and then I remember a bunch of little errands I need to do, and the time I thought I had isn't there anymore.
Work at Mathnasium is what is really frustrating me! I obviously can't go into it on here, but I'm quickly learning that even as I try to stand up for myself and my coworkers it isn't very helpful, or appreciated or respected fully. There is the chance that things might change, but how I am continually treated seems to outweigh the possibilities of the future.
After work I came home and had to set up my wireless network and router, which should have been easy but for some reason things didn't feel like working correctly. Luckily I walked through it all with my Dad on the phone but it was annoying in general.
Not to mention the fact that my head has decided maybe getting worse on a consistent basis would be a good idea. I haven't started my new medicine yet (still waiting for the prescription to be filled) but in general being in constant, worsening pain, is not making things any easier to handle.
There are a few positives though. I'm getting lunch with an old friend tomorrow and I know that will be mentally, and emotionally beneficial for me, as well as fun. My parents are coming into town this weekend (getting here Thursday night) which should be great. I haven't seen them in a little bit and it will be nice to have them here, instead of having to travel to NJ to see them. I also have a friends wedding to go to up at camp on Saturday which I'm super excited for!
I'm really just hoping that I can suppress/overcome my current frustrations and enjoy things.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Oh doctors...
Well it is time to update you all on the joys of chronic daily headache syndrome and my search for answers.
My hematologist came back and told me that my blood work is all normal except for the b12 deficiency. But that is easily managed with my monthly shots, so that was good news. Nothing to worry about as long as a take my b12 as directed!
I haven't been to a neurologist since I graduated college in 09. I basically gave up trying after that doctor told me "we've tried everything there is to try, and your just holding steady, so there isn't anything more I can do for you." Yep, being given up on by a doctor is really encouraging. Plus I was sick of trying different medications hoping for answers.
So today, I put aside my doubts and annoyances from previous doctors and met with another neurologist in town. To say I was anxious would be an understatement. For some reason doctors just make me nervous. I wasn't sure what to expect, but it went alright. She is a nice doctor and had looked through my information enough to know that I've jumped through a lot of hoops. I gave her the list of medications that I've already tried, and she was a little shocked by the length of it (almost 30). She also looked at my various CT and MRI reports. We talked for almost 40 minutes and she concluded that I am normal neurologically except for the headaches. She did tell me about an article she read that stated most people in my age group that suffer from daily chronic headaches tend to have them go away but that there is no way of knowing when or if that will happen, but that a majority of the the time, they will run it's course and just go away. While that is kind of reassuring it isn't a definite answer and it doesn't tell me how much longer I might be in pain. It also brings me back to the debate about whether or not I should hope for no pain or just be content to be in less pain and better able to function.
At the end she straight out told me that I have tried all of the basic medications that are used to treat these types of headaches. There are only a few classes of medications that are used and I've tried multiple things from each class. To hear that was kind of frustrating but I knew it was coming based on what my previous neurologist had told me. It came down to her deciding if it was worth jumping out of those typical classes and trying something totally different and kind of out of the blue or to just try something similar to, or exactly what I tried before. There aren't many things out there that would be new, so I'm going back to one of the first medications I tried in the beginning of this ordeal. She is hoping that my body has changed enough and that maybe it will effect me differently that it did almost 6 years ago. I was on a very high dose when I took it the last time and she thinks that it was too high which is why I had so many side effects (yay no appetite and weight loss). So instead of 100-200mg doses, I'm starting at 25mg and then tapering up to 50mg per day. This is in addition to the medication I'm already on. Who knows what will happen. I'm willing to try it for a while. I go back to see her in January and to see if anything has changed.
Am I hopeful that things will get better or change? Honestly not really. I've been on the medication before and it didn't work, but I do understand her logic that my body and headaches may have changed and may react to it now. I'm frustrated knowing that I've pretty much exhausted all of my options. I'm sick of being in pain and not being able to do the things that I want to, when I want to do them. Moving and unpacking while in extreme pain was not fun, but I didn't have a choice. As much as I have a high tolerance to pain, it would be nice to not have to limit myself, to not have to put a smile on my face and pretend everything is okay. Someday I would love to be pain free, or at least be completely honest with the people around me about what I'm experiencing but that hasn't happened for a while and I'm not too optimistic.
My hematologist came back and told me that my blood work is all normal except for the b12 deficiency. But that is easily managed with my monthly shots, so that was good news. Nothing to worry about as long as a take my b12 as directed!
I haven't been to a neurologist since I graduated college in 09. I basically gave up trying after that doctor told me "we've tried everything there is to try, and your just holding steady, so there isn't anything more I can do for you." Yep, being given up on by a doctor is really encouraging. Plus I was sick of trying different medications hoping for answers.
So today, I put aside my doubts and annoyances from previous doctors and met with another neurologist in town. To say I was anxious would be an understatement. For some reason doctors just make me nervous. I wasn't sure what to expect, but it went alright. She is a nice doctor and had looked through my information enough to know that I've jumped through a lot of hoops. I gave her the list of medications that I've already tried, and she was a little shocked by the length of it (almost 30). She also looked at my various CT and MRI reports. We talked for almost 40 minutes and she concluded that I am normal neurologically except for the headaches. She did tell me about an article she read that stated most people in my age group that suffer from daily chronic headaches tend to have them go away but that there is no way of knowing when or if that will happen, but that a majority of the the time, they will run it's course and just go away. While that is kind of reassuring it isn't a definite answer and it doesn't tell me how much longer I might be in pain. It also brings me back to the debate about whether or not I should hope for no pain or just be content to be in less pain and better able to function.
At the end she straight out told me that I have tried all of the basic medications that are used to treat these types of headaches. There are only a few classes of medications that are used and I've tried multiple things from each class. To hear that was kind of frustrating but I knew it was coming based on what my previous neurologist had told me. It came down to her deciding if it was worth jumping out of those typical classes and trying something totally different and kind of out of the blue or to just try something similar to, or exactly what I tried before. There aren't many things out there that would be new, so I'm going back to one of the first medications I tried in the beginning of this ordeal. She is hoping that my body has changed enough and that maybe it will effect me differently that it did almost 6 years ago. I was on a very high dose when I took it the last time and she thinks that it was too high which is why I had so many side effects (yay no appetite and weight loss). So instead of 100-200mg doses, I'm starting at 25mg and then tapering up to 50mg per day. This is in addition to the medication I'm already on. Who knows what will happen. I'm willing to try it for a while. I go back to see her in January and to see if anything has changed.
Am I hopeful that things will get better or change? Honestly not really. I've been on the medication before and it didn't work, but I do understand her logic that my body and headaches may have changed and may react to it now. I'm frustrated knowing that I've pretty much exhausted all of my options. I'm sick of being in pain and not being able to do the things that I want to, when I want to do them. Moving and unpacking while in extreme pain was not fun, but I didn't have a choice. As much as I have a high tolerance to pain, it would be nice to not have to limit myself, to not have to put a smile on my face and pretend everything is okay. Someday I would love to be pain free, or at least be completely honest with the people around me about what I'm experiencing but that hasn't happened for a while and I'm not too optimistic.
Busy Weekend!!
Who knew so much could happen in just a few days.
Work went fine the rest of last week. Things were busy as usual but nothing too out of the ordinary. I'm still waiting to talk with my bosses to look for some solutions to the concerns that I have, but hopefully it will happen in the next few days.
Friday I got home around 2pm and started packing. Let's just say I was shocked that I owned so much stuff. I always forget how much I can accumulate in a year, and how much I keep that I really should just throw away. So for about 8 hours on Friday I did just that. I went through boxes that had been in the basement since I moved in and actually threw things out. Notes from college and high school aren't something I need to have taking up space so I threw them out. I went through all of my clothing and found 2 bags worth of stuff to donate because I don't really wear it. And I packed up my room, which was a lot of stuff.
Saturday, I got up and packed the stuff in the kitchen in about an hour and a half. I'm not sure how everything got done, but it did, and in time for a bunch of amazing friends to come help me move everything. 6 friends helped me move! We had a minivan and 4 cars and all of my stuff fit in only one load. We moved quickly, everything packed into cars, driven over to the new place, and unpacked into the apartment in an hour and a half. I was amazed how much we were able to get done and how quickly it all happened. I was also overwhelmed with how much stuff I had to now unpack!
After a nice lunch (of mainly breakfast food) out with friends I started the unpacking process. I got my bed set up and then got the rest of the furniture in my room in place before getting ready to have dinner and hang out with friends. It was a nice break to be able to eat and play games with some great people! I definitely needed to get out of the mess of packing/moving/unpacking for a few hours and just be social!
Sunday it was back to unpacking and trying to make at least my room habitable. I was quite successful! I got 8 hours of sleep and started unpacking right away. By lunch time I had clothing hung in the closet and my books on the bookshelves. By dinner time my room was fully unpacked and I was working on homework for grad school. Below are a few pictures of my room.
This is from the doorway of my room. So when you walk in your are directly across from the window and my bed and bookshelf are off to the right.
Work went fine the rest of last week. Things were busy as usual but nothing too out of the ordinary. I'm still waiting to talk with my bosses to look for some solutions to the concerns that I have, but hopefully it will happen in the next few days.
Friday I got home around 2pm and started packing. Let's just say I was shocked that I owned so much stuff. I always forget how much I can accumulate in a year, and how much I keep that I really should just throw away. So for about 8 hours on Friday I did just that. I went through boxes that had been in the basement since I moved in and actually threw things out. Notes from college and high school aren't something I need to have taking up space so I threw them out. I went through all of my clothing and found 2 bags worth of stuff to donate because I don't really wear it. And I packed up my room, which was a lot of stuff.
Saturday, I got up and packed the stuff in the kitchen in about an hour and a half. I'm not sure how everything got done, but it did, and in time for a bunch of amazing friends to come help me move everything. 6 friends helped me move! We had a minivan and 4 cars and all of my stuff fit in only one load. We moved quickly, everything packed into cars, driven over to the new place, and unpacked into the apartment in an hour and a half. I was amazed how much we were able to get done and how quickly it all happened. I was also overwhelmed with how much stuff I had to now unpack!
After a nice lunch (of mainly breakfast food) out with friends I started the unpacking process. I got my bed set up and then got the rest of the furniture in my room in place before getting ready to have dinner and hang out with friends. It was a nice break to be able to eat and play games with some great people! I definitely needed to get out of the mess of packing/moving/unpacking for a few hours and just be social!
Sunday it was back to unpacking and trying to make at least my room habitable. I was quite successful! I got 8 hours of sleep and started unpacking right away. By lunch time I had clothing hung in the closet and my books on the bookshelves. By dinner time my room was fully unpacked and I was working on homework for grad school. Below are a few pictures of my room.
This is a picture from my closet. At the end of my bed there is some space and then the closet. Looking diagonally across the room you see the window, my desk, and the same bookshelf from the picture above.
I was standing right by the window when I took this picture. There will be a dresser where the bags and piles of stuff are. My parents are stopping by IKEA on there way here this weekend and picking me up a dresser among other things! You can also see where the closet it to give you some perspective in the room.
Last picture for now, but this one is from my bed towards the door. Yes another bookcase full of books! I got rid of 4 bags of books and yet still have a lot!
There you have it. I'm still unpacking the kitchen over the next few days but hope to have things pretty much set up by this weekend. I have some amazing friends and have been blessed by them beyond belief! Thank you all so much!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Good News and Stress!
Well yesterday I was approved for our new apartment and today we signed the lease and got the keys! Over the next few days, and then throughout the weekend, I plan to move in and get things settled! It's exciting, but packing and moving is stressful and kind of annoying. I always forget how much stuff I have until I start packing. It will be a long week but everything will get packed and moved or donated soon.
Work at Mathnasium is still stressing me out. I've come to terms with some things and I have a plan to deal with other stresses, it is just going to be a process.
School is going well. The new teacher I am working with is nice and she has jumped right in and is doing well. It's been good to be working with students who respect me but are also real and have conversations with me.
Well that is a short life update. More this weekend, with pictures of the new place and the moving process!
Work at Mathnasium is still stressing me out. I've come to terms with some things and I have a plan to deal with other stresses, it is just going to be a process.
School is going well. The new teacher I am working with is nice and she has jumped right in and is doing well. It's been good to be working with students who respect me but are also real and have conversations with me.
Well that is a short life update. More this weekend, with pictures of the new place and the moving process!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
A meal full of friends!
Well today was enjoyable. Last night was difficult, I'm not still not back to a normal pain level or a relatively tolerable frustration level. Really I'm still trying to get over things, and not think about it but that is harder than I'd like to admit.
So instead I spent my day surrounded by food of some sort or another.
I woke up this morning and made a chocolate swirl cheesecake. The recipe is below. I have spent a few years making this cheesecake, and I learned the recipe from my Dad. My parents have admitted that I now make it better than he does which was quite flattering because my Dad is an amazing cook and I love almost everything he makes.
Chocolate Swirl Cheesecake
Ingredients:
Crust:
1 pack cinnamon graham crackers (you can get gluten free ones but they aren't very good. I just don't eat the crust)
1/2 cup sugar
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
6-8 tsp. melted butter
Filling:
3 packs cream cheese (at room temperature)
1 cup sugar
3 Tbsp. flour (I use white rice flour to make it gluten free)
3 eggs (at room temperature)
2 Tbsp. heavy cream
2 tsp. vanilla.
1/2 cup semisweet chocolate melted (1 cup if you want just a chocolate cheesecake)
Topping:
3/4 cup sour cream
1 tsp. vanilla
1 1/2 Tbsp. sugar
Directions:
Crust:
Crush the graham crackers finely. Mix with sugar and cinnamon. Add butter and work together with hands to form a semi-moist consistency that will stick together. Press into a spring form pan, going half an inch up the sides.
Filling:
-Preheat over to 300 degrees with a water bath (9x13 pan half filled with water) on the lower level of the oven (this helps prevent cracking).
-Beat cream cheese until smooth.
-Add sugar and flour. Beat until fluffy.
-Add eggs, one at a time mixing well in between.
-Beat in vanilla and cream.
- If making without chocolate just pour it into the crust now. If doing a chocolate swirl: melt chocolate and add half of the batter into the chocolate and mix well. Now layer each type on the pan. I usually just put a cup or two of each type in and make layers. Occasionally evening it out with a spatula. If you want to just make it a chocolate cheesecake add the melted chocolate with the sugar and flour step.
- Bake 60-65 minutes. Remove and cool on a rack 10 minutes.
- Run a small spatula or knife between the sides of the cake and the pan to loosen.
- Put topping on the cheesecake (see below) while it is still hot (within 15 minutes of when it comes out of the oven).
Topping:
Mix all ingredients together until smooth. Spread over the top of the cheesecake while it is hot. Chill the cheesecake before serving (best done in the morning for the evening or over night).
As you can see it goes quickly!!!
After finishing the cheesecake I actually got ready for the rest of my day. Every little actions really ended up having to do with food. I got lunch with my lovely friend Meghan. It's her birthday today and she wanted Chipotle for lunch so we went there and talked for a while. It was quite nice to be out of the house and seeing her.
When I got home I had to start cooking dinner. Tonight was my first of what will be monthly dinner parties with friends. As part of my 25 before 25 list I will be hosting dinner for my friends once a month. Since I will be moving soon this had to be done this weekend if it was going to happen in September. I wanted to make something that I could also eat for left overs this week. It's been kind of cold lately and I was a bit homesick so I made Khorese Lubia, an Iranian stew that my Dad always makes, and rice cooked the Iranian way. We also had salad, bread, and wine! It was quite enjoyable. It felt good to cook for people and welcome them into my house. Plus it finally gave me a way to see friends despite being in pain (which was almost as bad as last night). I spent a good deal of time in the kitchen but it was relaxing and a total labor of love! So here are the recipes. Sorry no pictures. We dove right in once it was done and I forgot to take any. I will try to get some of my leftovers later this week.
Iranian Style Rice
Directions:
-Take 2-4 cups of long grain, parboiled rice, not instant!!! (I used 4 cups of rice and fed 10 people with it and had a little left over). Rinse it 3-5 times in warm water. This helps to get some of the extra starch out.
-Soak the rice in cold, salted water for at least 3 hours.
-Drain the rice and add it to boiling water (it needs to be a hard rolling boil).
-Cook 10 minutes in the boiling water (until a grain of rice is squeezed between your fingers will flatten but stay together).
-Drain the rice, and rinse it with cold water to cool it down.
-Add 6 tablespoons of butter and 3 tablespoons of cold water to the pan and let it melt.
-Add the rice, making a mound. Put a double layer of paper towel between the top and the pot. This makes sure the moisture stays in. Don't open the lid once you've done this until the rice is done.
-Cook 8-10 minutes on medium-high and then rotate the pan 180 degrees and cook another 8-10 minutes. This will form what is called Tadig (pronounced ta-deek). It is a crunchy layer of rice! During this time you will hear popping and crackling but that is normal.
-Lower the heat to med-low and cook for an hour. This steams the rice and makes it really moist!!
Khorese Lubia:
Ingredients:
4 Tbsp butter
1 lb. Stew meat
1 large onion
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
1/2 tsp cinnamon
2 cups water
3-4 tsp. lemon juice
1/2 small can of tomato paste
2- 15 1/2 oz cans of french style green beans
Directions:
-Brown meat, onions, salt, pepper, and cinnamon in the butter. Cook thoroughly.
-Add water and lemon juice (Start with 3 tsp. of lemon juice and check for flavor towards the end of cooking).
-Simmer for 2 hours.
-About 30 minutes before serving add the tomato paste. Bring back to a boil in order to break up the tomato paste. Reduce back to a simmer.
-10 minutes before serving add the green beans (drain the water out of the can first) and heat until everything is warmed through.
-Serve over rice and enjoy!
It was a long day and a lot of time spent in the kitchen but it was totally worth it. My friends came over and we enjoyed a good meal, played a game, and just talked for a while. I felt good knowing that I could give something back to my friends, and they seemed to enjoy it as well. I'm looking forward to next month. Not sure what I will make, but I'm sure I'll figure it out.
Tomorrow I'm back to school to work, and to grad school. I'm only working 5 hours a day at school now so that will hopefully be a good change. We are still waiting to hear from the apartment complex we applied to but hopefully all will go through there and I will be moving this coming weekend. With that being said I need to clean my room and pack up my life this week!!
So instead I spent my day surrounded by food of some sort or another.
I woke up this morning and made a chocolate swirl cheesecake. The recipe is below. I have spent a few years making this cheesecake, and I learned the recipe from my Dad. My parents have admitted that I now make it better than he does which was quite flattering because my Dad is an amazing cook and I love almost everything he makes.
Chocolate Swirl Cheesecake
Ingredients:
Crust:
1 pack cinnamon graham crackers (you can get gluten free ones but they aren't very good. I just don't eat the crust)
1/2 cup sugar
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
6-8 tsp. melted butter
Filling:
3 packs cream cheese (at room temperature)
1 cup sugar
3 Tbsp. flour (I use white rice flour to make it gluten free)
3 eggs (at room temperature)
2 Tbsp. heavy cream
2 tsp. vanilla.
1/2 cup semisweet chocolate melted (1 cup if you want just a chocolate cheesecake)
Topping:
3/4 cup sour cream
1 tsp. vanilla
1 1/2 Tbsp. sugar
Directions:
Crust:
Crush the graham crackers finely. Mix with sugar and cinnamon. Add butter and work together with hands to form a semi-moist consistency that will stick together. Press into a spring form pan, going half an inch up the sides.
Filling:
-Preheat over to 300 degrees with a water bath (9x13 pan half filled with water) on the lower level of the oven (this helps prevent cracking).
-Beat cream cheese until smooth.
-Add sugar and flour. Beat until fluffy.
-Add eggs, one at a time mixing well in between.
-Beat in vanilla and cream.
- If making without chocolate just pour it into the crust now. If doing a chocolate swirl: melt chocolate and add half of the batter into the chocolate and mix well. Now layer each type on the pan. I usually just put a cup or two of each type in and make layers. Occasionally evening it out with a spatula. If you want to just make it a chocolate cheesecake add the melted chocolate with the sugar and flour step.
- Bake 60-65 minutes. Remove and cool on a rack 10 minutes.
- Run a small spatula or knife between the sides of the cake and the pan to loosen.
- Put topping on the cheesecake (see below) while it is still hot (within 15 minutes of when it comes out of the oven).
Topping:
Mix all ingredients together until smooth. Spread over the top of the cheesecake while it is hot. Chill the cheesecake before serving (best done in the morning for the evening or over night).
As you can see it goes quickly!!!
After finishing the cheesecake I actually got ready for the rest of my day. Every little actions really ended up having to do with food. I got lunch with my lovely friend Meghan. It's her birthday today and she wanted Chipotle for lunch so we went there and talked for a while. It was quite nice to be out of the house and seeing her.
When I got home I had to start cooking dinner. Tonight was my first of what will be monthly dinner parties with friends. As part of my 25 before 25 list I will be hosting dinner for my friends once a month. Since I will be moving soon this had to be done this weekend if it was going to happen in September. I wanted to make something that I could also eat for left overs this week. It's been kind of cold lately and I was a bit homesick so I made Khorese Lubia, an Iranian stew that my Dad always makes, and rice cooked the Iranian way. We also had salad, bread, and wine! It was quite enjoyable. It felt good to cook for people and welcome them into my house. Plus it finally gave me a way to see friends despite being in pain (which was almost as bad as last night). I spent a good deal of time in the kitchen but it was relaxing and a total labor of love! So here are the recipes. Sorry no pictures. We dove right in once it was done and I forgot to take any. I will try to get some of my leftovers later this week.
Iranian Style Rice
Directions:
-Take 2-4 cups of long grain, parboiled rice, not instant!!! (I used 4 cups of rice and fed 10 people with it and had a little left over). Rinse it 3-5 times in warm water. This helps to get some of the extra starch out.
-Soak the rice in cold, salted water for at least 3 hours.
-Drain the rice and add it to boiling water (it needs to be a hard rolling boil).
-Cook 10 minutes in the boiling water (until a grain of rice is squeezed between your fingers will flatten but stay together).
-Drain the rice, and rinse it with cold water to cool it down.
-Add 6 tablespoons of butter and 3 tablespoons of cold water to the pan and let it melt.
-Add the rice, making a mound. Put a double layer of paper towel between the top and the pot. This makes sure the moisture stays in. Don't open the lid once you've done this until the rice is done.
-Cook 8-10 minutes on medium-high and then rotate the pan 180 degrees and cook another 8-10 minutes. This will form what is called Tadig (pronounced ta-deek). It is a crunchy layer of rice! During this time you will hear popping and crackling but that is normal.
-Lower the heat to med-low and cook for an hour. This steams the rice and makes it really moist!!
Khorese Lubia:
Ingredients:
4 Tbsp butter
1 lb. Stew meat
1 large onion
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
1/2 tsp cinnamon
2 cups water
3-4 tsp. lemon juice
1/2 small can of tomato paste
2- 15 1/2 oz cans of french style green beans
Directions:
-Brown meat, onions, salt, pepper, and cinnamon in the butter. Cook thoroughly.
-Add water and lemon juice (Start with 3 tsp. of lemon juice and check for flavor towards the end of cooking).
-Simmer for 2 hours.
-About 30 minutes before serving add the tomato paste. Bring back to a boil in order to break up the tomato paste. Reduce back to a simmer.
-10 minutes before serving add the green beans (drain the water out of the can first) and heat until everything is warmed through.
-Serve over rice and enjoy!
It was a long day and a lot of time spent in the kitchen but it was totally worth it. My friends came over and we enjoyed a good meal, played a game, and just talked for a while. I felt good knowing that I could give something back to my friends, and they seemed to enjoy it as well. I'm looking forward to next month. Not sure what I will make, but I'm sure I'll figure it out.
Tomorrow I'm back to school to work, and to grad school. I'm only working 5 hours a day at school now so that will hopefully be a good change. We are still waiting to hear from the apartment complex we applied to but hopefully all will go through there and I will be moving this coming weekend. With that being said I need to clean my room and pack up my life this week!!
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